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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28877493">The Things We Try To Hide</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyTheWarlock/pseuds/AmyTheWarlock'>AmyTheWarlock</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), malec - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Acceptance, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane - Freeform, Angst, Ballet, Cute Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Dancing Alec Lightwood, Deaf Alec Lightwood, Diabetes, Emotional, Endgame Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, Love, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood - Freeform, Malec, Romance, Self-Acceptance, Slow Burn, dance, happiness, learning to love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:27:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>60,740</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28877493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyTheWarlock/pseuds/AmyTheWarlock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec Lightwood cares about two things, his siblings and dance. The only problem being that his parents don't approve, he knows he'll never be good enough but with the secrets he's hiding he's too afraid to show his parents what is really going on and who he really wants to be. </p><p>Magnus Bane has always been extroverted, the center of attention among most of his friends, but that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate time alone, or time to deal with his own secrets that most people don't know anything about. </p><p>Set in a boarding school in Upstate New York, The Things We Try To Hide tells the story of two people on the cusp of adulthood who haven't quite learned to be themselves. Together, can they graduate, with nothing left to hide, confident in themselves and with no more secrets? </p><p>With a little bit of love and support, anyone can grow into who they want to be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane &amp; Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">The Things We Try to Hide</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter One </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Magnus Bane sat on top of a desk in the classroom, his feet pushing on the back of a chair, his back to the teacher as he laughed at a comment that one of his friends made. It was the start of a new year, his final year before graduation but the panic of college acceptance and everything that came with it could wait another day, right now he was more invested in catching up with his friends, most of whom he hadn’t seen since June. That was the thing about going to a boarding school, it was rare that you made friends that lived in the same city that you did and that had been the case for Magnus, the only New Yorker in his group, with one of his friends living across the pond and the other on the opposite coast, hanging out over the summer was made incredibly difficult.</p>
<p>“So, Magnus, did you go anywhere interesting this summer?” Catarina asked, nudging the chair he was swinging against.</p>
<p>Magnus laughed at the futility of the question, “Me? Go anywhere? Don’t you know my father?”</p>
<p>Catarina raised an eyebrow, “You do know that I don’t actually know your father, right?”</p>
<p>“True, but you do know me and with that comes the knowledge that I have barely left the state never mind the country, my father isn’t exactly the worldly type.”</p>
<p>The lie came easily to him, he figured that was the only benefit of not being able to meet up with his friends over the holiday, it meant they would never know quite how fucked up his home life had been and how his father had travelled to a different country each week over the summer and that Magnus had spent it alone in his room. He had managed to re-read the whole of Shakespeare’s collection though, so at least there were some achievements he could grasp onto.</p>
<p>“Which means you’ve probably spent all summer studying and are going to end up beating everyone in every single class. Hooray for us,” Ragnor said casually, relatively unphased by his own revelation as he knew that he could quickly catch up.</p>
<p>Magnus slipped back into his own mind as the classroom started to fill up of largely familiar faces but the occasional new ones as well. This was one of the things that he loved to do, to observe, watch other people, other friendships, dynamics see what was unfolding. Clary who had joined last year with an art scholarship and Simon who joined with her with a full board scholarship for music and academics were sat in their usual spot, Clary sketching out some ideas whilst Simon chattered away to her, probably about his latest cover on YouTube. Magnus had been watching them as they uploaded, always ready to leave a positive comment on them, after all, if he supporting his peers and in this case roommate, was something he always wanted to do. He glanced over his shoulder as the football team entered the room, Jonathon, Raj, Underhill, and a few others, already embracing their jock stereotype as they raised the volume by 50% and instantly made their way to the cheerleaders which consisted of his ex, Camille, he looked away. There was only one group left to enter, The Lightwoods, Magnus smiled at Isabelle as the three of them took their places. Jace, the youngest sat in the middle of the jocks and the cheerleaders but also just behind Clary, Isabelle sat next to Simon and Alec, the oldest and quietest of the three sat next to Isabelle on the front row, his body instantly moving to his bag as he got out his diary and started writing notes in it.</p>
<p>“Earth to Magnus,” Raphael said, waving his hand dramatically in front of his face.</p>
<p>“Huh?” he questioned, bringing himself back to reality.</p>
<p>“Do you want to go to The Cabin for dinner? Apparently, they changed their menu and it’s actually good now.”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded his head absentmindedly, “Sounds good,” he said, completely forgetting that he was supposed to have an appointment later on.</p>
<p>“Mr Bane, if you could sit down properly for us please,” Mr Richardson announced from the front of class.</p>
<p>Magnus rolled his eyes, earning a slight smirk from Catarina before she gave him a warning look. Her best friend had a tendency of getting himself in trouble for completely unavoidable things and whilst a lot of those things were very entertaining, she had to look out for him somehow.</p>
<p>“I’ll ignore that eye roll, but I suggest you think about how you want to behave this term. Alec, would you please go to Mr Garraway’s office, he would like to have a chat with you.”</p>
<p>Magnus watched as Alec nodded his head and packed up his stuff. There was something about him that had always intrigued him, the boy rarely showed emotion, he was stoic and seemed to daydream his way through most things, ignoring everything else around him. He was the only person that Magnus had never been able to attempt to talk to or make friends with because he couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding if he did so. There was one stand out quality when it came to Alexander Lightwood though, and that was his ability to dance, Alicante Boarding School had tight links to several Dance Academy’s in the city so often took on talented dancers full board to hone their skills. Alec was one of those dancers, but he was different, he may not show emotion in his daily life but on the stage, it was as though everything came flooding out, he was an honour to watch and it was that which added to Magnus’ intrigue. How someone so shy, reserved, could blossom on stage like that. He wanted nothing more than to ask him about it but, despite his confidence, he didn’t know how to.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec paced outside of Mr Garraway’s office for a few minutes before knocking, contrary to his parent’s belief he wasn’t stupid, which was somewhat ironic considering his hunch about what this meeting would be about, a meeting that he definitely didn’t want to have. He was seventeen years old; he was talented at one thing and one thing only and he was content with that, he could focus on that, what he didn’t want to focus on were the issues that were bound to be brought up in the meeting that was about to ensue. Yes, he’d managed to evade them for the past three years, but he knew continuing to do so now would be a lot harder, especially after having his parents on his back for the whole summer. He swallowed the lump in his throat, knocked on the door and headed inside, hoping he’d be able to get through the conversation as best as possible, without admitting too much.</p>
<p>“Good morning Alec, how are you settling back in?” Mr Garraway said, standing up and shaking his hand, “Come and take a seat.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Alec said, sitting down on the couch, instantly starting to fiddle with the skin between his thumb and pointer finger. “What’s this about?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Well, your parents have expressed some concern about the academic side of your profile here at school, as I’m sure you’re aware your grades have slipped over the years and we would really like to come up with a solution to bring them back up.”</p>
<p>Alec breathed out slowly, his stomach dropping at the mention of everything and whilst he hadn’t caught everything that Mr Garraway had said, he had picked up on <em>parents</em> and <em>grades</em>, two words that he tried to avoid at all costs. “I don’t know what you want me to do sir, it’s not like I don’t work hard, I’m just not as smart as my siblings.” He swallowed, “My parents, they’re going to send me somewhere else, aren’t they?”</p>
<p>“They are concerned that you’re focusing too much on dance-”</p>
<p>“-Pardon?”</p>
<p>Mr Garraway slowed himself down, “They are concerned that you’re focusing too much on dance,” he paused, “Although, Alec, myself and the rest of your teacher’s think there is something else going on.”</p>
<p>“Like what?” Alec said, nerves threatening to take over.</p>
<p>“We don’t think you’re hearing very well, I discussed this with the special educational needs lead, and she thinks it would be a good idea to get your hearing tested, then we can put things in place to make things easier for you.”</p>
<p>“No,” Alec said stubbornly, trying to get his head around everything that was being loaded on him. He thought he had hidden his problems well enough for them not to be identified, yes, his grades had slipped but he figured he’d be told to go to extra lessons or to spend less time dancing. The last thing he expected was for everyone to figure out his secret and jeopardise his future in the process. “Sorry, it’s just,” he took another breath, stopping himself from spiralling, “Dance is the only thing I can do, if, if there is something wrong with my hearing no dance school will want me, it’s too much work for them and it’s not like fixing anything that might be wrong with my hearing will make me better at schoolwork, I don’t know why I can’t get the same grades as Jace and Izzy but it’s not because of anything to do with my hearing-”</p>
<p>“-Alec, breathe,” Mr Garraway said, heading to the small fridge in his office and handing Alec a bottle of water, “You’re getting too wrapped up in this. There are loads of successful dancers with hearing impairments, including yourself, it won’t hinder you at all and in regard to your worries about school, you really work hard, no one is doubting that but if you can’t hear what is being taught in class then you’re giving yourself an almost impossible task to keep up.”</p>
<p>Alec could feel himself going paler as Mr Garraway continued talking in indistinguishable sounds, everything seemed to be slipping away from him. He was tired of being the outcast member of his family, the child that would never live up to expectations, he’d done all he could, and he knew that ultimately, he had no control in what happened next. His parents had spent most of his life pushing him to quit dance and focus on something more practical, that would get him a good job and as his grades started to slip their message only became stronger. What they didn’t realise was that he was working hard, he was doing his best to survive in a world that most of the time he didn’t even feel a part of because, his ultimate concern was, that if there was something actually wrong with him, they wouldn’t want anything to do with him at all. Right now, his parents were under the impression that his grades were fixable either through more hard work or sacrifice, if he had a hearing test then they would know that there was something imperfect about him, and no Lightwood could be imperfect, if they were, they wouldn’t be associated with the name anymore.</p>
<p>“Alec,” Mr Garraway said, tapping on the table in front of him to get his attention, waiting for the boy to look up before continuing, “I can get you an appointment with an audiologist for this afternoon. You’re seventeen so you can make that decision if you want to, if not I will have to speak to your parents about this.”</p>
<p>“They don’t know?”</p>
<p>“Not yet.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “I’ll do the test, just, don’t tell my parents. They’ll do anything to stop me from dancing and this would be their ultimate trump card.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Mr Garraway said, “Dot will take you; I do have another student with an appointment that will be coming at the same time, is that okay?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Alec said, “Can I go and unpack?”</p>
<p>Mr Garraway nodded and held open the door for him, “You’re making the right decision Alec.”</p>
<p>Alec headed out of the office, his stomach churning at the thought of finding out just how bad things were and what was going to be needed to make things better because of course, it wasn’t going to be accepted for him to want to continue the way things were. It was a hard concept to explain, to enjoy the solitude of his own mind and to express things with his body not through speech, but it was something he’d become dependent on and happy to be dependent on. This way, no one asked him questions, no one even talked to him unless he instigated it, it was something he could be in control of when the rest of his life was entirely dictated by his parents wishes. Now though, it would have to change, and he didn’t know how he was going to emotionally prepare himself to deal with that.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus placed the final item of clothing on a hanger and reached up to hook it in his wardrobe then settled down to his chest of drawers which he was currently organising into makeup, accessories, and hair sections. To say he took pride in his appearance and dorm area would be an understatement and he very much appreciated the few hours they were given the morning of the first day to unpack fully. It gave him the time to not only readjust to school life again but also time to prepare himself for the upcoming semester, he liked to appear organised even if this inside of his head was a little less regiment. He looked around at the room, content with his five other roommates, it was luck of the draw when it came to boarding school, but he seemed to have done alright. Raphael was with him as was Simon which automatically gave him two close allies, Jonathon and Raj were slight downgrades but manageable and then there was the mysterious Alec Lightwood who he couldn’t help but be happy to share with, after all he was an enigma that he wanted to crack.</p>
<p>“You know what?” Magnus exclaimed, “I think we may have the best dorm in this place, it’s a pleasure to be sharing with you all gentlemen.”</p>
<p>Raphael laughed at the comment, “I’m glad you announced that to the whole dorm, I was really wondering to myself ‘what is Magnus thinking about this dorm set up?’” he quipped sarcastically.</p>
<p>“As long as you’re not going to try it on with me, everyone knows you swing both ways,” Jonathon said from his bed next to the door.</p>
<p>Magnus smiled and walked over to him, placing a hand dramatically on his shoulder, “Oh Jonathan, if only you were my type. I much prefer tall, dark and handsome.”</p>
<p>Jonathan shrugged Magnus’ hand off him, “Hey Lightwood, you better watch out. Looks like Magnus is coming for you,” he taunted, only to gain no response from Alec who was sat folding clothes on his bed.</p>
<p>Magnus rolled his eyes at the comment, “The maturity is outstanding.”</p>
<p>“He’s not even bothered, maybe the feeling is mutual.”</p>
<p>“Leave him be,” Magnus said, Alec was clearly in his own world as usual and it didn’t seem fair to be taunting him when he was unaware. “Just to make you aware, you just admitted he was handsome,” he finished before heading back over to his area, earning himself a laugh from Simon who was fixing up some headphones to attach to his keyboard.</p>
<p>Magnus turned as there was a knock on the door which Jonathon quickly opened, beating him to it and promptly revealing Jace. “What can we do for you?”</p>
<p>“Is Alec-” Jace caught eyes of his brother at the other side of the dorm, “Hodge said everyone should be signing up for extras. Our dorm has already done it.”</p>
<p>There was a shuffle of feet and bags as the dorm cleared out leaving Alec, Jace and Magnus who was now laid back on his bed, “You need to sign up,” Jace repeated.</p>
<p>“I have an appointment, I did it earlier.”</p>
<p>“Oh, okay,” Jace said, heading over to where Alec was sat with his back to him, clearly not aware of his presence in the slightest. He sat down on the bed next to him causing him to jump. “You okay?” Jace questioned.</p>
<p>“Y-yeah, I’m fine Jace. Don’t you have training?” Alec turned his body, so he was face on with him. He hadn’t mentioned his issues to any of his siblings, of course, apparently it was obvious enough for his teachers to know though so maybe they had caught on to, he didn’t want to be the one to tell them though. It would only make their lives harder.</p>
<p>“Not for a while. Hodge said you had a doctor’s appointment, are you sick?”</p>
<p>Alec shook his head, “No, I’m fine. It’s just one of those check-up things. Nothing to worry about.”</p>
<p>“You’re a terrible liar.”</p>
<p>Alec breathed out slowly, “huh?”</p>
<p>“You’re a terrible liar,” Jace said slowly, “Me and Izzy, we know what’s going on.”</p>
<p>Alec swallowed again, his throat seemed to of had an insufferable number of lumps in it all day, “And what’s that?”</p>
<p>It was Jace’s turn to feel nervous now, unsure of how his brother would act but knowing it was now at a point where he had to come clean, “You can’t hear Alec, there’s no point hiding it, you’re making your life ten times harder-”</p>
<p>“-Stop,” Alec said through gritted teeth as he glanced over at Magnus who was acting as though he couldn’t hear them but obviously could. “I-I don’t want to talk about it, just, don’t tell Mum, she’ll send me home and make me quit dance.”</p>
<p>Jace nodded, “I won’t, and Izzy won’t either, we’re on your side Alec. Lightwood’s stick together, remember?”</p>
<p>“Sure,” he looked over at Magnus again then back at Jace, “You should go, I think I’m leaving for this appointment soon,” he paused, “There might not be anything wrong anyway.”</p>
<p>“Just, don’t under explain things, be honest… it’ll be okay,” Jace said, standing up and squeezing his brother’s shoulder. “I’ll see you at dinner.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>Magnus watched as Jace left the room, waving at him nonchalantly then looking back at Alec who had returned to folding his clothes. He hadn’t meant to overhear the conversation, but it wasn’t exactly hard to when there was no one else in the room, he also couldn’t quite believe the information that he’d acquired. Everyone knew Alec as the quiet guy who could dance but no one would have guessed or cared enough to find out that he couldn’t hear well, it made sense, the quiet, the frequent daydreaming but what Magnus couldn’t get over was how lonely the boy must feel. He couldn’t think of anything worse than being trapped in his own head all the time, yet Alec seemed to thrive in it. The mystery and intrigue surrounding him continued and Magnus knew there was no way he was going to leave it there. Something about Alec made him care about him, it was an unfamiliar feeling but one he was happy to embrace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    
  </strike>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Two</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>A punching bag provided a lot more than just a method of getting fit for Jace, it was the perfect way for him to let out any pent-up energy had or, in some cases, to take his anger out on someone in a healthier way then actually punching a peer or whoever it may be. He’d always managed to get away with anything when it came to his parents, he was a late comer to the family, but he came from even more prestigious blood making him somewhat invincible when it came to his actions. He knew that the way he was treated compared to Alec and Izzy wasn’t fair, not in the slightest but he couldn’t help but be grateful for the grace he received, he’d never been as regiment as his other siblings, quick to show passion or, occasionally, get himself into trouble. That wasn’t to say he was a bad kid, a little over-zealous, perhaps too confident at times and it was that which allowed him to continue floating through life alongside his siblings, without his parents beating him down. Right now though, it was frustration that he was trying to release onto the punching bag. Frustration over whatever was going on with Alec and how much his brother was hiding from himself and Izzy and frustration that he knew his brother had been dealing with all of this for years but had kept it to himself for fear of his parents finding out. To say it was messed up would be an understatement and he didn’t quite know how to fix it.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Izzy said, pushing open the door to the gym and sitting down on a spare bench near Jace’s set up.</p><p>Jace swallowed and threw one last punch before collapsing down onto the bench next to his sister who was clearly oblivious as to where Alec was right now. “It’s Alec.”</p><p>“Is he okay?”</p><p>He shook his head, taking a few seconds to catch his breath, “Not really, he’s at the hospital, getting his hearing tested… he’s miserable Izzy.”</p><p>Izzy chewed on her lip a habit that she shared with Alec, “He’s admitted there’s something wrong?”</p><p>“Not in so many words,” Jace reached down and took a gulp from his water bottle, “He didn’t deny that there was a problem… he was panicked though, that Magnus Bane was in the room which put him on edge, and he asked me not to tell our parents in case they kick him out,” he sighed, “I just don’t know how we can make things easier for him.”</p><p>“This could be a good thing Jace. Alec’s hearing has gotten worse and worse over the years, he’s got subtitles on everything and the music he puts on for dance is as high a volume as it could go, the number of times I’ve yelled for him, even just spoke to him and it’s like there’s nothing, his speech is getting worse too, like he’s really finding it hard to get his words out sometimes. Carrying on the way he is, it’s dangerous, what if there was a fire alarm? At least now he’ll get some support, can follow lessons, and get his grades up… as long as his grades go up, he’ll be fine, he can continue dance and our parents will leave him alone-”</p><p>“-You’re worried, aren’t you?”</p><p>“No I’m,”</p><p>“You’re rambling Izzy, you always ramble when you’re worried.”</p><p>Izzy breathed out slowly, “As long as he can dance and as long as we’ve got his back, he’ll be fine…”</p><p>Jace nodded slowly, “You’re right, I just don’t want this to push him over the edge.”</p><p>Jace got up and headed back over to the punching bag, continuing his workout as Izzy sat watching him. She was tired of Alec always being the one that looked after the two of them, constantly defending their mistakes, but always being given twice the amount of grief whenever his parents disagreed with anything he did. He used to be the protective but fun big brother when they were little, summers in the garden playing football having barbeques, Christmas traditions that were only aided by Alec’s dancing and the shows the three of them would put on for their family, it was bliss… and then they’d grown up. The Lightwood’s had gone to boarding school generation after generation so when they hit eleven, they were shipped off to upstate New York to make a name for themselves there. The expectation being that they participated in as many extra-curriculars as possible and they stayed in at least the top 10% of their year academically, Alec was focused on dance and right now, he was in the bottom 40% of the year. It was tough standards to uphold and with all the secrets Alec was keeping Izzy didn’t know how he managed to continue without having a breakdown, of course, the Lightwood resilience played a part in that but there was only so much that one person could take and this, this worried Izzy, just in case it was her brother’s breaking point. She rubbed her eyes and stood up slowly, waving goodbye to Jace before heading back to the boarding house to find Simon, she needed some TLC.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Pacing seemed to be Alec’s thing that day, after pacing outside Mr Garraway’s door he now found himself pacing outside the audiologist’s door as he waited for his appointment. Thankfully, Magnus and Dot had left him to it, with Magnus’ appointment being at the other side of the hospital and being shorter than his, they’d decided that they would just meet him once he was done. He much preferred it that way though, Magnus was known for his extraversion and he didn’t really want to have to deal with that and the pressure of this appointment on top of it.</p><p>“Alexander Lightwood.”</p><p>Alec continued pacing, jumping suddenly as he realised the door had opened, revealing a woman who was probably a similar age to his parents smiling kindly at him. He chewed on his lip and took another deep breath.</p><p>“Are you Alexander?” Alec nodded, “Come on in then.”</p><p>Alec followed the audiologist into her office, it didn’t look much different from any other doctor’s office other than the soundproof booth that was attached to it, he wasn’t sure if that were a good thing or a bad thing, but it was a thing and right now what was in the room was something he could focus on. He looked over at the audiologist who gestured for him to take a seat as she sat down at her desk.</p><p>“Right then, my name is Dr Rowe, I see you’ve been advised to come here by your boarding house master, Mr Garraway, is that correct?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Good, now on the phone he was worried that you wouldn’t be honest about your condition, I just want to let you know this is a safe space and being honest is your best way forward, you’re here now you may as well make the most of it.”</p><p>Alec swallowed, considering this woman was supposed to be an audiologist she was speaking awfully fast. He nodded his head, hoping that would be the appropriate response to her question.</p><p>“Can you tell me about your hearing?”</p><p>“Erm,” Alec cleared his throat, “I don’t really know, I didn’t think it was that bad,” he sighed to himself, there wasn’t much point in him lying to her, not when she was going to test his hearing regardless which would clearly show up everything. “I-I don’t hear much… I use lip reading most of the time.”</p><p>The doctor nodded, “You’re a dancer, aren’t you? How do you manage that?”</p><p>Alec shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s like I just know what to do and if the music is loud enough, I can hear enough of it for it to make everything flow.”</p><p>“Okay. Well, I’m going to take a look in your ears, then we’ll do a test in the sound booth and have a chat after that.”</p><p>The tests that the audiologist conducted only put Alec in a more heightened state of anxiety, he knew that things were bad, but he’d done his research, watched videos, read articles all about what to expect in a hearing test and he knew that he was performing bad. He didn’t hear much at all during the pure tone test and whilst he wasn’t sure how well the speech testing went, he didn’t have much hope for it, as for the tests investigating his middle ear function, it resulted in a lot of notes being written down, which he could only assume was a bad sign. After the hour was up, he couldn’t help but feel exhausted, ready to crash out in bed but that wasn’t an option, he had to train that evening, so he was just going to have to deal with it.</p><p>“Okay then, so looking at your charts and results you do have moderate-severe hearing loss, I think it’s progressed over time, but I don’t think it is going to get much worse.” The doctor took one of the pieces of paper from her pile and put it in front of Alec, “This is where you’re sitting on the audiogram, I’m actually impressed you’ve lasted this long without saying something but I’m glad you’re here now as we can do something to help.”</p><p>Alec rubbed his eyes, he’d given up on paying attention to what Dr Rowe was saying, he could see what the chart meant and even he was surprised at how bad things looked at first glance. Right now though, he wanted out, a way to escape from everything and the only way he knew how to do that was through dance, which seemed like it would never come.</p><p>“Hearing aids along with conversation aids for class would greatly improve things for you Alec, now they may take a while to get used to, but you will notice a big difference. I can have some ordered for you and then you can get them fitted later this afternoon.”</p><p>“O-okay,” Alec said, the words feeling cold as they left his mouth. This should have been expected to him, in fact, it was expected to him, he just didn’t want to accept the fact that he was now going to stand out more than he already did. Being the quiet one of his siblings was fine but now everyone was going to know that something was wrong with him, teacher’s would-be wearing radio microphone’s around their necks and he doubted he’d be able to get discreet hearing aids that would be compatible with the microphones. He was screwed, attention was going to be on him and the only time he actually wanted it was when he was on stage. “Th-thank you,” he said to the doctor, picking up the forms she handed him and walking out of the office. He glanced around the waiting room, spotting Dot and Magnus sat in the corner and headed over to them, handing Dot the forms and waiting for her to glance over them.</p><p>“How about we go grab a bite to eat? Then we can go get them fitted?” she suggested with a smile and a gentle squeeze on Alec’s shoulder.</p><p>“Sounds good, I’ll get to crack into this new sexy pack of needles.”</p><p>“How exciting,” Dot joked back, trying to ease Alec’s tension slightly.</p><p>Magnus looked at Alec whose face had dropped several shades leaving him a sickly white, clearly whatever was going on wasn’t good news. He wished that he could do something to help him, but he barely knew the guy and he also knew that he didn’t always say completely the right thing in these situations, so he was just going to have to do what he did best. Keep Dot talking to him to drive the attention away from Alec, whatever had gone down, it was obvious he needed time to focus and Magnus could give him that.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The dance studio was quiet which he was grateful for. He always tried to get an hour of solo practice in between eight and nine pm, no one else needed the studio at that time which meant that he could have it to himself and practice the more technical skills that often weren’t covered in his Wednesday and Friday afternoon training sessions. That was the things about wanting to make dance his career, he had to go above and beyond when it came to practice, so he did, at any opportunity he got he found himself in the dance studio, improving himself. He looked down at his training bag which now had a small box inside it which contained his new hearing aids, he’d been told to wear them when he could until he got used to them but that the more he wore them the quicker it would be before he was adapted to all the new sounds. The only problem was, he didn’t exactly want to wear them.</p><p>He sighed to himself and opened up the box, putting them in and turning them on before connecting his phone to his speaker and putting some music on. He jumped, turned the volume down and steadied himself as Calum Scott’s voice, one he hadn’t really heard before, echoed across the room. He started to dance, freestyle at first, occasionally slipping into his familiar lyrical tricks, he stumbled, stopped for a second, paused the music. He sat down on the ground, staring at himself in the mirror, it was obvious what was going wrong, his balance was off, making him hyper-extend or incorrectly place his body weight, he was used to having to overcompensate, but he didn’t anymore, it didn’t feel right. He put his head in his hands, calming himself before putting the hearing aids back in the box and putting the music back to the beginning. He started again; the familiarity of his body returned to him as he finally felt relaxed.</p><p>Magnus had been watching Alec for the past hour, he was out of sight, sitting with his back against the wall of the corridor and peering through the glass door that led into the studio. He’d watched the frustration Alec felt with his hearing aids then watched the old Alec, the one he’d seen on stage so many times before, come to fruition. It baffled him how much someone could change when they were doing the things that they loved, probably because he wasn’t quite sure what he loved that much, it didn’t worry him that he didn’t have a passion like that, he was sure it would come, it was just unfamiliar yet a privilege to see. The music stopped as did Alec who started putting everything back in his training bag suddenly alerting Magnus to the fact that he’d practically been stalking the boy since they got back from their appointments that afternoon. He initially had just wanted to talk to him, cheer him up but he didn’t want to interrupt his practice which was why he was still there an hour later.</p><p>“Hey,” Magnus said, strangely awkwardly as Alec opened the door to the studio to head back to the dorm. Alec didn’t respond, causing Magnus to jump up and put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention.</p><p>“Jesus,” Alec said, his heart racing at the surprise as he turned to face Magnus. He looked down at the floor where Magnus’ bag was. “Do you usually make a habit of stalking people?”</p><p>Magnus smiled at the comment, “No, well, not usually. I wanted to talk to you but then you started dancing and you’re so good I just couldn’t stop watching and-” his phone buzzed in his pocket, “-sorry one second,” he looked down and groaned, “For fucks sake,” he muttered to himself as he headed back to his bag and started rustling around in it.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Alec asked, slightly overwhelmed by Magnus’ energy.</p><p>“Yeah, low blood sugar, that’s all… except I’m an idiot who didn’t bring anything with him today.”</p><p>“Oh,” Alec opened up his bag and took out one of the granola bars he had stashed in it, “Have this.”</p><p>Magnus looked up at Alec and smiled, taking the bar off him, “Thank you, I owe you one.”</p><p>Alec nodded, watching as Magnus sat back down against the wall and took a bite. “What did you want to talk about?”</p><p>Magnus swallowed his food, “At the hospital today, can you not tell anyone about the diabetes, I don’t want anyone knowing.”</p><p>“I didn’t even know… of course,” Alec paused, “I know what it’s like to keep things like that a secret.”</p><p>“I know,” Magnus crumpled up the wrapped and put it in his pocket, “Have you tried the radio thing out yet?”</p><p>“Pardon?”</p><p>“The radio, have you tried it?”</p><p>Alec shook his head, the only people that knew about everything were Dot, Magnus and probably Mr Garraway, he hadn’t even spoken to his siblings. Trying out the radio system felt like a step too far, that was the thing that was going to make everything obvious and he was already finding the hearing aids hard enough to adjust to on their own.</p><p>“Do you want to give it a go before tomorrow? No on will see.”</p><p>“Magnus, I, I don’t want to be rude but all of those tests today, they tired me out and I just don’t have the energy to focus… I have no idea what you’re saying.”</p><p>Magnus reached over to Alec’s bag and took out the lanyard string that had the radio attached to it and put it around his neck, “Put your hearing aids in,” he said as he turned on the device.</p><p>Alec swallowed and did what he was told, turning them on. “Don’t speak too loud,” he said, still surprised at how different his own voice sounded now.</p><p>“Hello Alexander Lightwood, my name is Magnus Bane, and I am here to say you are a wonderful dancer,” Magnus said with his familiar flair of dramatics.</p><p>Alec laughed at the comment, “Thank you Magnus Bane.”</p><p>“Anytime,” Magnus responded a grin on his face, “How is it?”</p><p>“It’s okay, it’s just weird, the past year I’ve struggled to hear most things, everything has been based off lip reading and now I’m hearing all these sounds that don’t really seem that familiar to me anymore,” he paused, “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, I haven’t even admitted this to Izzy and Jace yet.”</p><p>“Don’t be,” Magnus said, “You’ve clearly kept this bottled up for ever, it’s probably a good thing to let it out and it can be easier to do that with a stranger, well, kind of a stranger.”</p><p>Alec smiled, “Well, I appreciate it, thanks for not being weird about it to.”</p><p>“You’re welcome,” Magnus looked down at his watch, “I have an essay to finish before lights out so I’m going to have to head back,” he stood up, “If you ever need to talk, let me know.”</p><p>“I will,” Alec said, taking hold of the device and putting it and his hearing aids away, relieved slightly at being back in his own world.</p><p>He watched as Magnus headed back down the corridor, a strange sensation creeping over him as he realised how vulnerable and open, he’d just been. His whole life he’d kept everything to himself, and now after one conversation with Magnus Bane he’d found himself completely opening up about himself and more specifically how bad things really were. It was a strange feeling but also somewhat satisfying to know he wasn’t the only one that knew everything now, of course, this time tomorrow everyone would have figured it out but right now it was just the two of them. He stood up and started heading back to the dorm, debating to himself whether it would be a good idea to make Magnus a friend, he’d never really had many, but maybe that could change.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p><p>Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciated all of your lovely comments on the last chapter. I'm aiming to upload every other day as I'm currently on quite a role when it comes to writing (a welcome change from usual!).<br/>A quick side note, I have researched a lot on hearing loss and diabetes the past few days as I want my fic to be as realistic as possible, would anyone be interested in me leaving some resources in the summary section? </p><p>Thanks again for reading! </p><p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Three</span>
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<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The day after the first day back at school was more like the traditional first day of term than the day prior which was spent unpacking and planning out schedules that fit with extra-curriculars. Which meant for Magnus that he could try his best to impress his teachers by handing in essays and tests that he’d done to fill in time over the summer and that he could figure out how much he could push certain teachers when it came to his slight tendency to talk… when he shouldn’t be. It was a day of investigation for him and like everything, it excited him, he embraced the idea of a new start whenever he could, any opportunity to wear a new outfit or dye his hair a different colour was a good one, which was what he’d spent the late hours of last night doing. He was now sporting blue streaks and a rather glamours embroidered blazer, he looked great and he was ready to make the impression that he needed to.</p>
<p>“Who do you have for English?” Catarina asked before taking a bite of her toast.</p>
<p>“Richardson again, double Richardson every day, what did I do to deserve this?” he said dramatically, playing with his cereal before taking a bite. “What about you?”</p>
<p>“I’ve got Melville.”</p>
<p>“I’m jealous.”</p>
<p>“Not as jealous as I am of you. You got away with murder last year having Richardson as form tutor, you must have turned up late to every lesson last year and he never once told you off. He definitely has a soft spot for you.”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed at the comment, “I don’t think he does; you saw he acted when I rolled my eyes yesterday,” he said, the lie, again coming easily as he deflected the conversation away from his regular lateness to form. That was his check in time with whoever was on duty in the boarding house as he had to record his levels for them before and after every meal which resulted in a lot of creative excuses being made so that his friends didn’t know where he really was.</p>
<p>“Anyway, speaking of being late, I’m going to head off now to prevent that from happening,” Catarina said, standing up and taking her tray to the bin.</p>
<p>“See you in a bit,” Magnus said cheerfully, waiting until she was gone before heading back in the direction of the boarding house rather than the school. If anyone asked, he could just pretend that he’d forgotten something which wouldn’t be hard to believe as another of Magnus’ bad habits was to forget things, which was part of the reason why the school insisted on such tight monitoring of his condition just in case he ever forgot.</p>
<p>It was Mr Garraway who was on duty in the boarding house during the day, it was quieter then meaning that he could get on with his work and was rarely interrupted by students during lesson time. The only things that he had to keep on top of were any medical needs from the students and occasional meetings that he had set up that fulfilled his second role as guidance counsellor/pastoral, apart from that he could get on with making sure everything was running smoothly in the house. It was the perfect set up and meant that the rota with the rest of his staff ran well, with everyone getting enough sleep and time off. It was one of Magnus’ many talents to acquire information that he didn’t really need to know from teacher’s and the logic behind Mr Garraway’s schedule was one of those things. He’d asked him all about it the year before as a way of missing a larger proportion of form which he had always viewed as a pointless half hour of the day that could be spent doing something a lot more productive. Magnus knocked on Mr Garraway’s office door and headed inside.</p>
<p>“Good morning sir,” he said, heading over to the table where the ‘blood sugar diary’ was always sat waiting for him, “How was your summer?” He asked as he pulled out his phone and checked the levels that he needed to and wrote them down in the book.</p>
<p>“Morning Magnus, it was good thanks. How was yours?” Mr Garraway said, closing the book that he was making notes in and bringing his attention back to Magnus.</p>
<p>“Oh you know, the same as every summer.”</p>
<p>Mr Garraway nodded, “I heard you were admitted to hospital twice, how did that happen?”</p>
<p>Magnus looked down at the floor, shuffling slightly between his feet. He liked Mr Garraway, he was one of those folks that was always upfront with you and would never beat around the bush which meant that most of the time Magnus was pretty honest with him. On this occasion though, he was going to have to bend the truth a little bit, mainly so he could avoid a military style interrogation that would be bound to ruin his day.</p>
<p>“Oh, it was just a little mix up with my prescription, my Dad didn’t pick it up in time and he was at work so things just got a little out of control,” he said. He wasn’t lying either, his Dad hadn’t picked up his prescription in time, he’d just failed to mention that his Dad had also been in Germany which meant that he was alone and had found himself dealing with hyperglycaemia without anyone knowing. He had to call an ambulance, but he’d almost left it too long which had resulted in a couple of days in hospital. The same thing had happened a month later, except that time his Dad had been in Paris.</p>
<p>“That seems to happen a lot when you’re at home, maybe you need to let your Dad know you need another prescription earlier on.”</p>
<p>Magnus swallowed, “Yeah, maybe,” he’d given his Dad a month’s notice, he couldn’t give him any longer than that.</p>
<p>There was a knock on the door which promptly opened revealing Alec. “You wanted to see me sir?”</p>
<p>“Should I go?” Magnus asked.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Alec said, smiling gently, “It’s not like I have any secrets anymore, is it?”</p>
<p>“Right Alec, I just want to check everything is working, do you want to put your hearing aids in to make this easier?”</p>
<p>Alec nodded and took them out of the bag, handing the radio transmitter to Mr Garraway before putting them in. “I’m still getting used to them, I’ve not quite got the knack of getting them in quickly.”</p>
<p>“That’s okay,” Mr Garraway turned his own device on, “Is that working?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Okay. So, I’ve sent an email to your teachers about using the transmitter, I know you’re still getting used to wearing the hearing aids and we don’t want you to be uncomfortable. If you can try and wear them during input, it’s completely okay for you to take them off whilst you’re doing work. You’re also going to be meeting with Mrs William’s Thursday afternoon’s instead of doing normal lessons.”</p>
<p>“Why? I thought getting my hearing aids sorted was supposed to solve all the problems,” Alec looked over at Magnus nervously.</p>
<p>“I’ll wait for you outside,” Magnus said, sensing that this wasn’t a conversation that Alec particularly wanted him listening in on.</p>
<p>Mr Garraway waited for the door to close before continuing, “This is a really big lifestyle change for you Alec, Mrs William’s will help you adjust to it and come up with some strategies to help. She’s also going to be working with you to catch up in some core subjects. This is all to benefit you.”</p>
<p>Alec groaned, the noise shocking him slightly, “Can I go now?”</p>
<p>“Okay, if you need anything, let us know.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded and took out the hearing aids, putting them and the transmitter back in his rucksack. He was already nervous enough about wearing them in front of the class and likely having to have a conversation about them and how they worked with every teacher that he encountered, now he was going to have to deal with being one of the kids that ‘worked with Mrs Williams.’ Rationally, he knew it wasn’t a bad thing, and it wasn’t reducing his time to practice but the irrational part of him knew exactly what everyone thought when someone went to work with her, that they were stupid or had some underlying issue going on that made them different going on. Whilst he knew he currently fitted both of those categories, he hated that it had to be made so obvious and that everyone was going to suddenly change their impression of him. He rubbed his eyes, and headed out of the door, walking straight past Magnus who had been stood outside waiting for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Alec tapped his foot on the floor beneath his desk, he’d arrived towards the end of form which meant that most students had left for changeover of lessons, he had English with Mr Richardson next though which meant he could stay put. He forced a slight smile as the teacher approached him and knelt down at his level, this was his life now, he said to himself hoping that it would at least give him some confidence.</p>
<p>“Can you put them in?” the teacher asked just as the class started to fill up.</p>
<p>Alec did as he was told, already feeling the burning of the rest of the class’ eyes in his back. He swallowed another lump in his throat and handed the transmitter to the teacher. “You just put it around your neck, it’s already on so you don’t need to do anything.”</p>
<p>“Sounds good,” Mr Richardson said heading back towards the front of the class.</p>
<p>“Alec,” Izzy said, nudging him. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alec said turning to face her, “It’ll be fine, I just don’t know how this is going to be when the classroom is noisy.”</p>
<p>Izzy smiled and squeezed her brother’s hand, “I know you’re worried but, if anyone says anything, I’ll handle it.”</p>
<p>Alec laughed slightly at the comment, “Oh will you? Since when were you an <em>‘I’ll handle it’</em> kind of person? That seems rather confrontational for you.”</p>
<p>“Hey! I’ve always been like that; didn’t you know I’m like an expert at putting people in their place?” Izzy teased.</p>
<p>“Hmm, yeah, sure you are.”</p>
<p>“This is nice, talking to you like this without worrying you won’t hear me.”</p>
<p>Alec smiled, “Was I really that bad?”</p>
<p>“You hid it well but, I’m your sister, I could tell that you were guessing most of the time,” she paused, “I’m just glad you’ve finally done something about it, I was getting worried.”</p>
<p>Alec rubbed his head, “There’s so much going on in here, I don’t know how I’m going to get used to this,” he said, turning the volume down.</p>
<p>“You will, it’ll just take time.”</p>
<p>“Okay everyone, settle down, let’s begin!” Mr Richardson said, thankfully reducing the level of background noise that the classroom was producing.</p>
<p>Magnus watched Alec from the seat behind him, a strange feeling of concern sweeping over him, it was obvious that the mention of seeing Mrs William’s had stressed him out and that it was almost too much with the addition of using his hearing aids properly for the first time, but he also seemed more alert. He was sitting up straight, his eyes focused on what Mr Richardson was saying and he seemed to be paying attention which was different to the slightly daydreamy expression that Magnus had previously observed, he figured that had to be a good thing though, surely, he’d rather be present in class than in his own mind.</p>
<p>“Sir!”</p>
<p>Magnus turned to look behind him at Jonathon whose hand was waving dramatically in the air, you’d think he was a five-year-old, not seventeen, the way he was trying to get the teacher’s attention.</p>
<p>“Yes Jonathon.”</p>
<p>“What’s that thing around your neck?”</p>
<p>Magnus could see Alec instantly stiffen up at the question the nod his head at the questioning look that Mr Richardson gave him.</p>
<p>“It’s a device that makes sure everyone can hear what I’m saying clearly. It sends a signal to Alec’s hearing aids, so he doesn’t have to worry about getting lost in background noise or anything like that.”</p>
<p>“So it’s kind of like a radio?” Simon questioned.</p>
<p>“Yeah, kind of.”</p>
<p>“That’s pretty cool.”</p>
<p>“Did Alec lose his hearing overnight or something? Seems a bit weird that he’s suddenly getting all this special attention,” Jonathon continued, his voice becoming colder as though he was ready to attack at any moment. The boy had always had a mean streak, so this insensitive and ignorant attitude wasn’t exactly a surprise to Alec or Magnus.</p>
<p>“It’s not special attention,” Magnus said, surprised at the sounds coming out of his own voice as he hadn’t quite thought about what he was going to say. “Most people in this class can hear what sir says without a problem, but without the radio transmitter Alec can’t, without it he’s not getting the same out of a lesson that we all are, with it he can get the same, it’s not special treatment it’s just equality.”</p>
<p>Izzy turned around to face Magnus, smiling at him to show her thanks. She’d wanted to say something but hadn’t known what and Alec was going paler by the minute, she was more concerned about keeping him from spiralling than pandering to Jonathan’s stupid and provocative questions. Magnus had known what to say though and she was more than appreciative for it, there was a reason that she’d let him join the debate team last year and that was his ability to quickly come up with an argument without having to prep for ages.</p>
<p>“That was excellently put Magnus. Now, let’s get back to Macbeth.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was one of those nights in the middle of September where you really started to notice that the dark hours were on their way, it was about nine pm and the wind was whistling through the windows of the dorm room and rain was spattering against the window. It seemed like not long ago when it was dark till nearly eleven and the sun was always out, now the long winter would set in and in Upstate New York that usually meant intense cold and a lot of snow, often cancelling many sports fixtures and travel.</p>
<p>“Magnus,” Simon said. He’d been sat on his bed reading for the past two hours and he could finally feel boredom creeping in, he tried not to spend every evening watching tv but, it was one of his favourite things to do and he figured he’d stimulated his brain enough for one evening.</p>
<p>Magnus turned around to face Simon, already predicting what his friend was going to ask, “Below Deck?”</p>
<p>Simon laughed, “I’ve literally waited all summer to watch season 5, I can’t wait any longer.”</p>
<p>“Agreed,” Magnus said, setting up his laptop, “God we’re such trash for trashy reality, I don’t know whether to be embarrassed or proud of ourselves.”</p>
<p>“After watching every season of the British Love Island last term, I think we can safely say that we’re proud.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take it.” Magnus started putting cushions down on the floor then placed his laptop precariously on an old beanbag that he’d somehow managed to claim as his own. He looked over at Alec who was sat by his desk, scanning over a textbook, something he’d been doing ever since he’d came back from tap three hours ago. “I’m going to see if Alec wants to join us,” Magnus said.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Simon said, always agreeable to almost anything. After all, everyone else was in the common room doing whatever it was that they were doing, it only seemed fair to include Alec in their reality tv show club.</p>
<p>“Hey Alec,” Magnus said as he approached his desk, earning no response despite the boy’s hearing aids being in, “Alexander,” he repeated as he entered his line of vision.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Alec said, fiddling with the hearing aid, “I turned them off, I figured that was easier than putting them in and out all the time.”</p>
<p>“Makes sense, do you want to come and watch some shitty reality tv with me and Simon? You’ve been staring at that book all night.”</p>
<p>Alec chewed on his lip, “I don’t know, I’m exhausted and I don’t think I can concentrate for much longer.”</p>
<p>“Take them out, we can put subtitles on. There’s no pressure though.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to ruin your night-”</p>
<p>“-No such thing Alexander.”</p>
<p>Alec looked over at Simon who waved at him somewhat awkwardly. “Okay then,” he said, “Maybe just one episode.”</p>
<p>Alec got up from his chair, following Magnus to the set up that he and Simon had created that, despite being on the floor, looked relatively comfy, which it should have been considering how many blankets and pillows were spread out. He took a seat next to Magnus their arms touching slightly as Magnus threw a blanket over the three of them, “I’m really impressed with this set up,” he said, figuring he should at least say something.</p>
<p>Magnus turned to look at him, “I’m a man of many talents Alexander.”</p>
<p>“You sound like a porn star,” Simon quipped. “I’m going to play this now.”</p>
<p>“I have to say I’m intrigued,” Alec admitted as he read the description.</p>
<p>“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into,” Simon finished before clicking the subtitles button and then the play button.</p>
<p>Alec took out his hearing aids, putting them by his side as he lay his head back against Magnus’ bed and started watching the show. It was a new experience, to be asked to join in with an already pre-set friendship group, but it was nice, and Magnus and Simon were the kind of people that were easy to trust. Magnus because, well, he had trusted him with his secret and Simon because he was kind of known as one of the most innocent people in the school. It was comforting, the three of them sat together watching some random show about the drama on super yachts and it was something that he could definitely get used to. He’d been right about the possibility of making a friend, it was a positive decision to make and he couldn’t help but feel a little bit excited about how things were going to develop. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone, </p>
<p>Hope you are all well and thank you so much for reading!</p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Four</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>There was something that instantly calmed Alec whenever he was about to partake in anything dance related, of course, performing and auditions were slightly nerve-wracking but not in a negative sense as this was his area of expertise, an area he could be graciously confident in. Which was why he was more than happy to be back in the studio with the rest of his usual dance class. Wednesday and Friday afternoons were dedicated to sport and development, which for Alec and a few others meant several hours of different dance classes followed by a duo session with his partner Aline who he had been dancing with for several years now. It was his duo session that he was about to enter now and although Aline was a year younger than he was she had always been his only friend at school and was the only person that he’d kept in touch with over the summer. Mainly to discuss different ideas for auditions or techniques to improve flexibility or mobility, he trusted Aline and as goes the territory for dance, Aline trusted him. They worked well as partners and that came down to more than just being good at dance.</p>
<p>“Aline!” Alec said with a grin, heading towards her and giving her a hug, “How was your summer.”</p>
<p>Aline smiled at Alec, “It was okay,” she paused for a second, “I see you finally decided to do something about your hearing?” she said, gesturing towards Alec’s hearing aids that he’d turned off but decided to keep in as a way of getting used to the sensation.</p>
<p>“I didn’t get much of a choice,” he said, turning them on as the dance master came into the room, “I can’t dance with them though, well, I could but they throw me off at the moment so I’m keeping things the same for now.”</p>
<p>“I’m happy for you and I can’t lie it’s going to make my life a little bit easier.”</p>
<p>“Well, I wouldn’t have even considered it a problem if you hadn’t been brave enough to ask me about it last year… I know I should have been a bit easier on you, I’m sorry I bit your head off,” he admitted.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it,” Aline said as she started to stretch.</p>
<p>She was just glad that he’d made some steps in the right direction, they spent so much time together it had been clear last year that Alec’s hearing was getting worse. As his partner she wanted to make sure that he was okay and for personal reasons she didn’t want his balance to be affected and for him to drop her, of course she trusted him, but denial could do strange things to a person, she knew about that all to well. She looked over at Alec who was now using the bar to warm up, a wave of excitement creeping over her at the prospect of the two of them dancing together re-entered her imagination. Alec was one of those partners that you could only dream of having and her being a Junior and getting to dance with him was such a privilege, over the summer she’d missed their late-night sessions together and performing on stage with him. She was more than ready to dive back into a new year of performances and skill building.</p>
<p>“Okay, Alec, Aline. Do you both remember the routine you performed last year for Romeo and Juliet?” Jaxon, the ballet master/lead dance instructor said, getting the music ready on his phone.</p>
<p>“Romeo and Juliet,” Aline repeated as Alec looked over at her for clarification.</p>
<p>“Sounds good,” Alec said, moving to his starting position, his eyes locked with Aline, “You ready?”</p>
<p>Aline nodded.</p>
<p>“This is just a warmup but remember to emote, trust each other, you’re in love but you can’t be together,” Jaxon grinned at the two of them, “Enjoy yourselves,” he finished before pressing play as the music filled the room.</p>
<p>Jaxon looked on as the two of them filled up the room with their presence their lifts flawless and their lines flowing exactly as they should have been. Anyone would have thought that they had been practicing this piece for weeks, not just returning to dance together with an old routine after months off. There was a reason that he had fought for Aline’s schedule to be shifted to accommodate Alec’s, the two of them looked beautiful together and they were by far the best dancers in the school, they were also the only two in the current cohort that actually wanted to go onto dance school, so it only seemed fair to pair them up. Afterall, neither of them would benefit as much from partnering with someone who was only doing it as a hobby or to boost college applications. The music stopped as the two of them lay down on the floor, bodies intertwined perfectly their chests rising and falling almost in rhythm with the music, they were, as always, picture perfect.</p>
<p>Jaxon clapped his hands together slowly, “Excellent job, well done,” he said, giving them both permission to sit up. “Right, let’s have a chat about the rest of the year. I know you’ve been working hard all afternoon so I’m going to let you relax a bit, Friday though, there’ll be none of this.”</p>
<p>“How were my turns?” Aline asked, taking a sip of water whilst Alec went to get his hearing aids.</p>
<p>“They were great, always room for improvement but I can tell you’ve been practising.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>“You ready Alec?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he responded, crossing his legs as he sat down next to Aline, “What’s the plan for this semester then?”</p>
<p>“So, it’s going to be a busy one. I’ve been speaking to Mrs Williams Alec and she thinks the best way to get you into dance school is by making you unbeatable, that way if your grades aren’t quite there, they will be more likely to accept you. That being said, there’s lots of things going on. Firstly, I want video profiles of multiple forms of dance and a duet to be ready for a months’ time, Aline you’re doing it for practice, Alec, we need yours to send off to different schools, if successful you’ll be given in person auditions. Secondly, I want both of you taking the lead in as many different dances or roles for the Christmas Showcase and finally Alec I would like you to mentor one of the younger students. They’re doing Billy Elliot this year and he is pegged as the candidate for playing Billy, if possible, I’d like you to play grown up billy at the end of the show as well.”</p>
<p>Alec took a drink of water, “That is a lot. What do you mean by mentor him?”</p>
<p>“I’d like you to practice together whenever you can, he’s only eleven and it’s his first year here but he shows great promise and really looks up to you. Teaching will also look really good on your applications.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Okay, what’s his name?”</p>
<p>“Harry Adams.”</p>
<p>“So, Alec and I can do a duet for his profile for schools?” Aline confirmed.</p>
<p>“I think it would be a good idea, you want to show versatility in these kinds of things, and I think it will set you apart.” Jaxon said, “Right, I’m going to let you both go, do homework, stretch, hot baths please. I want you both fit as a fiddle for Friday. Alec can I chat with you for a second?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>“I’ll wait outside,” Aline said, picking up her bag and heading out.</p>
<p>Alec waited for Aline to leave, “I’m assuming this is about the hearing aids and stuff.”</p>
<p>Jaxon nodded, “It is, I wanted to know how you’re feeling about them?”</p>
<p>Alec shrugged, “I’m not used to them at all and they throw me off whenever I dance with them in…”</p>
<p>“So you don’t want to dance with them in?”</p>
<p>“No, I’d have to re-learn so much and, I don’t know, it’s just not how I like to dance.”</p>
<p>“That’s fine, what I need you to do Alec is work your ass off. I know you’re spending Thursday afternoon’s with Mrs Williams, do as she says, partake in the speech therapy and the extra tuition she’s going to give you. That way there’s one less thing to worry about.”</p>
<p>Alec’s stomach dropped, “Speech therapy? I don’t need that; I talk just fine.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know much about it, but I think it’s to stop you forgetting how to pronounce certain sounds that you can’t hear. I’m going to head down to the stage to chat with tech, I’ll see you Friday.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Alec responded, hoping he hadn’t turned as pale as he felt at the possibility of something else being present that made him stand out.</p>
<p>“I actually can’t wait for dinner, it’s Mexican night,” Aline said as they headed down the corridor.</p>
<p>“I’m not that hungry. I’ll see you later,” he said as he split into the boy’s corridor of the boarding house.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was obvious that something was wrong with Alec from the moment Magnus entered the dorm to find the boy lying face down on the bed with his hearing aids scattered on the floor one of which had made its way to underneath Alec’s desk. Magnus glanced around at the room; Raj was busy working at his desk as was Raphael neither of them seemed to be aware of the meltdown that was happening in the middle of their dorm. He sighed to himself and headed over to Alec’s area picking up his coat from his desk chair then shaking him on the shoulder.</p>
<p>“What?” Alec said, clearly grumpy, his façade dropping slightly when he realised it was Magnus, “I’m, tired.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure,” Magnus responded sarcastically, “Come on, we’re going for a walk,” he said, throwing Alec’s coat at him and picking up the hearing aids from the floor, putting them in the case and then in his own pocket. It was time for him to play supportive friend and whilst he did annoy himself at his incessant need to sort every issue in the school out, it was something he naturally fell into doing and it wasn’t like there were many other people for Alec to work through whatever was going on in his head with.</p>
<p>“I- I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Nope. You’re coming with.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You’re coming,” Magnus said, taking him by the hand and pulling him out of bed, quickly scanning the room to make sure he wasn’t making too much of a scene, “Moping doesn’t do anyone any good.”</p>
<p>Alec groaned as Magnus headed outside of the dorm then reluctantly followed him, unsure of what to expect from the outing and whether it was actually a better choice than lying in his bed contemplating everything he knew about himself. They didn’t speak for the first fifteen minutes of the walk mainly because Alec didn’t have his hearing aids in but also because Magnus figured that he still needed time to be alone.</p>
<p>“I need to inject,” Magnus said, checking the time on his phone, “Can we sit here?” He reached up, stopping Alec by grabbing his shoulder. “Insulin time,” he said somewhat jovially before sitting down on the bench.</p>
<p>He took out his equipment from his bag and went through the routine, surprisingly not phased by how intently Alec was watching, then put everything back in his bag handing the hearing aids to Alec before he did so.</p>
<p>“Does it hurt?” Alec asked, surprised at his own audacity to bring up something that Magnus clearly didn’t like to discuss as he refused to mention it to any of his friends.</p>
<p>“No really, just a prick then it’s done.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “I hate getting injections, I don’t know how I’d cope with all of that.”</p>
<p>“I’m pretty sure you’d surprise yourself Alexander,” Magnus paused for a second, “What’s wrong with you then? Or do you like to throw things across the floor for fun?”</p>
<p>Alec chewed on his lip apprehensively, “Do I speak funny?” he blurted out, the words practically bursting out of him as the weight of the question that had been on his mind for the past hour was finally released.</p>
<p>Magnus raised an eyebrow at the question, “Has someone said something?”</p>
<p>Alec shook his head, “No, well, not really. My dance instructor kind of implied that maybe I do… apparently I’m going to be doing this speech therapy thing.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Magnus looked down at the floor then back up at Alec, “You don’t speak funny Alec, I guess sometimes it takes you a while to get out what you’re saying, not often though and, that makes sense, right? Surely if you can’t hear the sounds it’s got to be hard to reproduce them, doesn’t it say something on the report of your test results?”</p>
<p>“I haven’t read it,” he breathed out in frustration, “I feel like everything I knew about myself has changed so much in the past few days, I don’t know how to handle it anymore.”</p>
<p>Magnus smiled at the comment, “Oh wow, someone’s dramatic,” he teased, nudging him playfully.</p>
<p>“I’m serious Magnus, everything was fine and now I’m being told that I speak slow and can’t hear anything.”</p>
<p>“You’re telling me that you never even guessed that things were wrong before the test?”</p>
<p>“No-”</p>
<p>“-Yes, you are,” Magnus watched as Alec’s expression dropped. “You told me the other day that you could barely hear anything anymore. That hasn’t happened overnight but what has happened overnight is that you’ve finally realised that actually, carrying on the way you were, wasn’t the most productive thing to be doing. That’s going to take time to fully accept and that’s okay. Just think of it as a good thing, positive change and all that.”</p>
<p>Alec forced a smile at Magnus, “That’s some wise words.”</p>
<p>“Well, you don’t deal with a chronic condition for three years without learning some words of wisdom.” </p>
<p>Alec laughed at the comment, “I suppose not… I just wish I could get used to everything quickly, get my grades up become accustomed to the hearing aids and the fact that not everyone is going to understand all at once… it’s just, a lot.”</p>
<p>“Do you want my honest advice?”</p>
<p>“Go for it.”</p>
<p>“Embrace the hearing loss, learn about it, learn about what you’re struggling with and how to make things easier, be proactive, don’t let it beat you. I know you think this is some sort of terrible thing but lots of people wear hearing aids or sign, or use those transmitters, there’s a whole community out there that you could be a part of. Join it, figure out what works for you… you just need to know what’s out there.”</p>
<p>Alec sighed, “I know you’re right.”</p>
<p>“I’m always right… Mrs William’s will help you, when I was first diagnosed, she was a godsend.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “I mean, she can be a bit intense, but she’s good at her job, as long as you let her.”</p>
<p>“I will,” Alec smiled, “Thanks for this, I’m not used to anyone being so honest with me and I appreciate it.”</p>
<p>“That’s what friends are for.”</p>
<p>Alec stood up suddenly, “Let’s head back, it’s almost dinner and I need to find one of the first years, apparently I’m mentoring him as he becomes the next Billy Elliot.”</p>
<p>“How intriguing,” Magnus joked, “Anything to get back early for Mexican night floats my boat.”</p>
<p>“Great.”</p>
<p>The walk home was a lot more relaxed than the walk there. There was something about the way that Magnus had been so candid with him that had settled Alec into a state where he knew what he had to do. He didn’t want to read the report and find out how bad things were, but he was going to have to, he didn’t have to do it alone though, he could ask Mrs Williams to go through it with him. He didn’t want to have to sweat over all of his work and drive himself mad over improving his grades, he could ask Izzy to tutor him or request one on the notice board. Finally, he didn’t have to show reluctance about mentoring an eleven-year-old, he could embrace it, after all, someone was going to have to take his place when he left. Like Magnus said, being proactive was an option, he just had to embrace that.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was after dinner when Alec finally got around to finding Harry, the younger boys hung out in their dorms more than the common room so that was where he started. It was a nostalgic feeling to be walking down the corridors that he once used to live in, it was strange to think that this was his last year at Alicante and that once he left, he probably wouldn’t have to share with so many people again. As his Dad always said though, ‘sharing a room with strangers builds resilience, every Lightwood has done it, it’s part of our character,’ it was one thing that Alec did kind of agree with. Especially in those early years when homesickness often hit at unpredictable times, it meant there was always someone or something to distract you which came in handy.</p>
<p>Alec checked that he was at the right door before knocking on it and pushing it open trying not to smile as all the younger boys suddenly stood up at the presence of an older boy entering their room. It was a tradition that had been around for decades when it came to first years and seniors and it was definitely one that had originated from things that weren’t to be proud of, but it did no harm, even if it was a little odd.</p>
<p>“You can sit down; I’m looking for Harry Adams. Is he in here?”</p>
<p>A boy closest to the door waved at him, “I’m Harry. You’re Alec Lightwood, right?” he said, his voice still slightly high pitched as he hadn’t quite reached puberty, he was half the size of Alec but apart from that he looked like a mini version of him. It was clear why Jaxon had pegged them both as Billy’s.</p>
<p>“I am. Grab your dance stuff, we’re going to head to the studio for a bit.”</p>
<p>“Oh, okay,” Harry said, grabbing a bag from under his bed.</p>
<p>There was a snigger from across the room, “Something funny?” Alec questioned. He knew all to well how ignorant some of the boys could be at their school, especially first years who hadn’t quite figured out that the students on dance scholarships only gained respect as time went on.</p>
<p>The boy stopped, “No, sir, I mean,” he cleared his throat, “Nothing’s funny.”</p>
<p>“I thought so,” Alec said coldly, “Come on then Harry.”</p>
<p>Alec watched Harry as he said commands for the boy to follow, he’d told him to perform his audition for the scholarship and was now testing him on some technical things so he could gage where the boy was at. Not that Alec had much to worry about, Harry was excellent for his age, he knew what he was doing and that was more than he could say for a lot of people who danced at the school. You could tell he was enjoying it though and that was what was important, especially at his age when he didn’t need to be worrying about getting into different schools or making a big part. His first year was a year to perfect everything, take things in and enjoy the performance, yes, he was almost definitely going to get Billy, but Alec didn’t want him to feel pressure about that, he was too young, he needed to learn how to be on stage before he started to get stressed.</p>
<p>“That was great Harry, come sit,” Alec said, sitting down on the floor crossed legs.</p>
<p>“I was okay?”</p>
<p>“You were great, there’s some areas you can brush up on but if you’re playing Billy it would be good for you to come across as natural in some areas.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Harry said, taking a drink, “Have you ever played Billy?”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Back in first year I did. It’s Jaxon’s favourite show to do but we haven’t had a good enough first year dancer for Billy… until now,” he said with a smile.</p>
<p>“Really?” Harry said, beaming at the compliment.</p>
<p>“Really. Have you seen Billy Elliot before?”</p>
<p>Harry shook his head, “Jaxon gave me the copy of the movie, which was awesome, but I’ve never seen any show live before.”</p>
<p>“You haven’t? What about performances with your dance class, you must have seen things there?”</p>
<p>“No,” Harry looked down at the floor before looking back up at Alec, “I learnt how to dance on YouTube…”</p>
<p>Alec raised an eyebrow at the comment, “That’s impressive, your parents must be-”</p>
<p>“-I don’t, I don’t have parents.”</p>
<p>Alec’s expression softened, “Don’t worry bud, you don’t have to tell me all this.”</p>
<p>Harry shrugged, “There’s not much to tell. They died, I got put into care, learnt to dance by myself, my social worker found out, made me audition for here, I got in and here I am.”</p>
<p>“Wow,” Alec paused for a second, “You know what? Billy Elliot is running on Broadway at the moment I might see if I can pull some strings and see if I can take you to see it. If I frame it as educational purposes, I think we’ll be able to.”</p>
<p>“Seriously?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, why not? If you’re going to be Billy, you should get to see him in action.” Alec stood up and took Harry’s hand, pulling him to his feet. “How are your ariels?”</p>
<p>“Pretty good I think.”</p>
<p>“Excellent, right. You head back to your dorm; I don’t want you being late for bedtime because I’ll probably be the one to get into trouble. I’ll see you again next week?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, thank you Alec,” Harry said, a grin on his face.</p>
<p>“No worries and Harry, if any of the boys give you grief, let me know, okay?”</p>
<p>Harry nodded, “Okay.”</p>
<p>Alec waited for Harry to go before setting up his own playlist that he was practicing through to prepare himself for his video profile. There was something about his meeting with Harry that had given him some sort of drive to suddenly practice and finally nail some of the moves that he was trying to for his pieces. The last thing he had expected was for Harry to have such a traumatic past when he was so young, he was talented as well which was almost unbelievable considering he’d taught himself; he was definitely one of those kids that had a spark. He’d go on to do great things and playing Billy Elliot would be the ideal first role for him, it was exciting for Alec too, being able to help Harry out, teach him what he could. His knowledge was being put to good use on the younger generation which was an incredible thought for him to manifest. He grinned to himself as he got into his starting position, considering how bad he had felt only a few hours ago, the day was certainly improving.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>Thanks again for reading, </p>
<p>Stay safe, </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Five</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
<p>It was lunchtime the next day and Magnus and Simon were sat with their usual group of friends as they waited for the bell to ring signalling them to head to afternoon lessons. The novelty of the first week of term hadn’t yet worn off, workload hadn’t become all-consuming, which meant they could spend their lunchtimes relaxing, rather than shovelling down a sandwich then heading off to the library to study for some last-minute test or finish off an essay. That was the thing about Alicante Boarding School, it demanded a lot from its students to the point where many of them ended up leaving because they couldn’t handle it. It took a certain type of person to handle all the commitments and work that they had to do to stand out or survive and not everyone was up to the job. Simon side-eyed Magnus who was half-distracted and staring unsubtly over at the Lightwoods who were all sat together at a table on the other side of the cafeteria, he’d barely spoken a word the whole lunchtime because he’d been too busy stalking them. It was intriguing but also not that intriguing as Simon was pretty sure he knew what was going on.</p>
<p>“It’s official,” Simon exclaimed dramatically, getting the attention of Ragnor and Catarina who had been caught up in an argument about whether they should go and see an action film or a rom com at the weekend, neither of which Simon was particularly interested in, it was sci-fi or die for him.</p>
<p>“What is?” Catarina asked, her eyebrow raised.</p>
<p>“Magnus is in love with Alec Lightwood,” he said with finesse, “He can barely take his eyes off him.”</p>
<p>Magnus turned to face Simon, punching him playfully on the arm, “I am not in love with Alexander Lightwood.”</p>
<p>Ragnor choked on his drink, “Alexander? You must be the only person to call him that, how cute.”</p>
<p>“I’m not in love with him, we’re just friends, just like I’m friends with all of you.”</p>
<p>Catarina scoffed at the comment, “Whilst Simon has only just brought my attention to this infatuation of yours, the shade of your cheeks right now suggests otherwise.” She paused. “He’s an attractive guy Magnus, talented too, if you do like him, you should go for it.”</p>
<p>“I’m not going to deny he’s attractive, but he’s probably straight and honestly, we are just friends, after all he’s been through, I’m happy to be that for him.”</p>
<p>“How kind of you,” Ragnor teased, “I’m sure he really appreciates it.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know why you’re being so sarcastic,” Magnus responded seriously before cracking into a smile, “There’s plenty of things I could rip into all of you about cough, cough Isabelle,” he said directing his words at Simon.</p>
<p>“I’m not embarrassed about that at all,” Simon said confidently, “Have you seen her? I’m just lucky she pays me any attention.”</p>
<p>“Things will be official between the two of you in no time,” Catarina continued, “Aren’t you going into town together this weekend?”</p>
<p>“I think so, yeah.”</p>
<p>Magnus exhaled quietly to himself, grateful that he’d succeeded in moving the conversation away from himself and from Alec who he was slightly concerned about falling for. Magnus had always tried to be as honest and open with himself about who he was attracted to and how to move forward with his feelings, addressing them maturely and appropriately meaning that he had kind of become known as someone who was open with pretty much anything amongst his peers. He was fine with that though, most seventeen-year-olds lacked when it came to emotional maturity whereas he excelled which was great, until his heart got broken, like it had done last year. His heart rate sped up slightly as he got a glimpse of Camille a few tables away, he looked back down at the table. He was over her, that was something he was sure of but what he wasn’t over was just how much she had tarnished his opinions about love, she’d crushed them slightly and learning to be that vulnerable again would be hard. Especially when she knew so much about him, things that most people didn’t and could change his life dramatically. The bell rang signalling the end of lunch, he got up from his chair and excused himself, he’d zoned out completely and was now in a mad rush to note down his levels and get to class on time. At least it would keep him busy, stop him from continuing down the spiral of worrying about Camille and what she could do if she wanted to.</p>
<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
<p>Mrs William’s office was exactly what you would expect from a special educational needs teacher. The walls were covered in posters about resources for support, there was a desk with a large filing cabinet against it, a small table with a couple of chairs around it and two armchairs that seemed to have an excess of pillows thrown all over them. It did the job though, the room automatically made Alec feel a lot more comfortable than he had when he’d been talking to Mr Garraway about everything and Mrs Williams herself gave off a warm persona. He felt as though he could be honest with her and after his conversation with Magnus yesterday, he knew that he was going to have to be. Afterall, the poster on the wall said that it was a safe place, so this was a better place than any to be honest with himself and Mrs Williams.</p>
<p>“So Alec, I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting you before today, tell me a bit about yourself,” Mrs Williams said taking a seat opposite him at the table.</p>
<p>Alec forced a smile, “I don’t really have much to tell before all this happened all I really did was dance… that basically sums up my whole personality,” he said hoping that he came across as somewhat light-hearted.</p>
<p>“I’ve heard that you’re quite the talent. I’ll have to make sure to come see you perform this term. Okay, so today I think it would be good if we could talk through how you’re feeling, how you think I could help you and also how I think I could help you, does that make sense?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>“How are you finding the new hearing aids?”</p>
<p>Alec shrugged, “They’re fine, I mean they obviously help quite a lot. It’s just strange to get used to and it’s still exhausting trying to concentrate throughout lessons,” he paused, “That’s normal though, surely everyone finds school tiring.”</p>
<p>Mrs William’s nodded her head, “They do but children with hearing loss who have to rely on lip-reading and lots of other techniques often suffer concentration fatigue, it takes you a lot more energy to stay focused and that’s okay. As you become more used to your hearing aids and the radio it will probably become less strenuous but it’s not something that will go away completely. That’s partially why I want you with me for Thursday afternoons, it’ll give your brain a bit of a break away from everyone else.”</p>
<p>“Can I ask you something?” Alec said, taking out the audiologists report and putting it on the table.</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t read the report yet, I don’t know why, I don’t really understand it all and it makes everything seem really intense, could you go through it with me?”</p>
<p>Mrs Williams smiled, “I think that’s a great idea. It’s a lot suddenly being diagnosed with such a severe hearing loss overnight, understanding your hearing loss will be really helpful for you.”</p>
<p>Alec looked down at the first graph, “So this one is the audiogram which shows moderate to severe hearing loss,” he swallowed, “Moderate to severe hearing loss in both ears and that’s related to air flow?”</p>
<p>“Yes exactly.”</p>
<p>“What does this one mean?”</p>
<p>“So this was a test of your hearing in background noise this along with speech recognition are the areas that you struggle with. So this number here tells us that someone would have to speak almost three times louder to you in a noisy room for you to hear them, that’s why the audiologist recommended the radio as that way you can still hear the teacher or whoever you’re with when in the classroom or at a restaurant or something. Does that make sense?”</p>
<p>“I think so, the speech recognition is bad too?”</p>
<p>“Without amplification you successfully repeated 40% of the words, with amplification you were repeating 85%, so the hearing aids do really help you when it comes to everyday conversation.”</p>
<p>“But I’m still not hearing every sound.”</p>
<p>“No, that’s why I want to make sure we do some speech therapy just to keep everything on track,” Alec rubbed his eyes, “I know it’s a lot but there’s so much out there that can help you, have you considered learning to sign?”</p>
<p>Alec sighed, “No, I get by with lip-reading, I’ve been using that for years and with the hearing aids now it doesn’t seem like learning it would benefit me much.”</p>
<p>“I was considering running an ASL course for a few students as extra credit, if you and your friends wanted to do that together, it could be a good way of boosting your grades. Don’t feel like you have too though.”</p>
<p>“I’ll think about it.”</p>
<p>“Okay, how about we go over your homework for the week? Make sure we’re all on track.”</p>
<p>“Sounds good,” Alec said, closing the report and putting it back into his bag.</p>
<p>It was tough for Alec to maintain concentration as they went through his work, the hearing aids had clearly made a difference as it seemed to be kind of pointless for him to working on things that he already knew but it was kind of a relief. He’d always assumed that he just wasn’t that smart and even when Mr Garraway had suggested that it was because he couldn’t access what the teacher was saying he’d thought it was a load of rubbish. Afterall, he worked hard to catch up when he didn’t understand things, studying textbook after textbook, apparently though, simply being able to hear what the teacher was saying was enough for him to work through things quicker. There were still some things that were going to take practice, spelling being one major area, but he finally felt confident that he could do what his parents wanted and get his grades back up. The part that was making it hard to concentrate though was Mrs William’s insistence that he wore the hearing aids with them switched on for the whole afternoon, her reasoning, that when it was just the two of them, he wouldn’t feel overstimulated, was logical, but it still felt like a lot for him. It seemed like it would take forever for him to be not be bothered by everything new around him and it tired him out. His whole life so far, he’d had no choice but to not hear cars driving past or chatter in the hallway now he could hear it but had to choose not to pay attention or get distracted by it. A strange challenge to be facing all things considering.</p>
<p>“You’ve done good work today Alec,” Mrs Williams said as the boy started to pack up his stuff.</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Next week we’ll start speech therapy and work on a system to get that spelling and grammar up, then in about 5 weeks you have a review with the audiologist, I’ll get you booked in for our session then you won’t be missing anymore school.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Alec glanced down at his watch, “Thanks for this afternoon, I’ve got to go, I think the dance studio is free before dinner tonight.”</p>
<p>Mrs William’s grinned, “Brilliant, enjoy your practice.”</p>
<p>“I will,” Alec said without a notion of doubt in his voice. He couldn’t help but feel this dance session was almost like a reward for working so tirelessly the past few days, time for him to let loose whilst also coming up with some ideas for the video profile that was to be sent off in a month. If academics became easier then, the stress wouldn’t carry over into dance, it was a win win situation as though a light had been switched on inside him as he finally realised that actually, being able to hear, improving his grades, getting everything on track was a good thing. His mindset was changing, from being resentful of his hearing loss making him wear hearing aids to being grateful that they did work and that right now were providing him with more positives than he had before. Things were coming up roses at just the right time.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“I actually can’t believe how unprofessional every single season of this show is!” Simon exclaimed as he closed his laptop lid dramatically, “How does Captain Lee even cope?”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed, “If they did their job well it would be a boring show so complaining isn’t really worth your time.”</p>
<p>“You have a point.”</p>
<p>“And it’s not like there isn’t eye candy, Bruno is just,” Magnus continued to do the action of a French kiss, “I’d die for him.”</p>
<p>“That seems a little dramatic,” Alec inputted, shuffling his position so he was facing Magnus and Simon more head on. “I don’t know if he’d do the same for you.”</p>
<p>“Rude,” Magnus joked, “He’d just need to meet me then he’d be head over heels.”</p>
<p>“You know exactly how that feels, don’t you Magnus,” Simon said, knowing it would wind his friend up but enjoying the flash of annoyance that he received. “Anyway, I’m going to go and get a snack before the kitchen closes for the night, anyone want anything?”</p>
<p>“No thanks,” Magnus said. Nudging Alec who had suddenly became very distracted. “Do you want anything?”</p>
<p>“I’m good, thanks Simon.”</p>
<p>Magnus waited until Simon had left before nudging Alec again to get his attention, “What is it? You look like you’re about to fall into existential dread.”</p>
<p>Alec chuckled at the comment, “Don’t worry, I’m not. I was just thinking.”</p>
<p>“About?”</p>
<p>“Whether to learn sign language or not.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Magnus thought to himself for a second, “Did Mrs Williams suggest it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, she said it could be for extra credit and that I could have other people do it with me, like a club I guess.”</p>
<p>“But you’re not sure?”</p>
<p>Alec shook his head, “It’s not like I can’t communicate with everyone, if I learn how to sign,” he swallowed, “it feels like giving up, which I know is ridiculous, but I’ve spent so long making sure I can still communicate through lip reading and I guess I just maintained my speech because the hearing loss was progressive. Anyway, learning to sign would be like saying to myself that all the effort I put in before wasn’t worth it.”</p>
<p>“You’re right, that does sound ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Alec said sarcastically.</p>
<p>“Think about it this way, if you learned to sign there would be a whole other community of people that you could talk to. It’s up to you if you want to use it in everyday life or not, and you’re right you don’t need it to get by, but it could, I don’t know, expand your knowledge of the deaf community… and it’s extra credit, that’s some incentive.”</p>
<p>“Do you always go around giving such worldly pieces of advice? It’s like you’re my mentor or something.”</p>
<p>“What can I say, I’m full of wisdom.”</p>
<p>“What’re we talking about?” Simon said, sitting back down next to them with a slice of toast in his hand, “If Magnus is trying to pretend that he’s wise, he’s definitely not.”</p>
<p>“Very funny,” Magnus said, stealing a bite of the toast, “What do you think about sign language?”</p>
<p>“It should be taught in schools, universal language and all of that. Are you thinking of learning it Alec?”</p>
<p>“Maybe, I don’t know.”</p>
<p>Simon nodded as he chewed his toast, “I’d be down. I’ve always wanted to give it a go just never had the time before now, or a reason too but I guess now I do.”</p>
<p>Alec smiled, grateful at the openness between the three of them, “Should we watch another episode?”</p>
<p>Magnus opened up the laptop and clicked play, “Always, I’m desperate to find out how this date with Matt is going to go, honestly he seems like such a mess, if I was on a date with Bruno…”</p>
<p>“Here we go again,” Simon said rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>Magnus laughed, stopping himself from continuing, concerned that maybe Alec would be put off him if he incessantly talked about how attractive the guy was. He looked over at the boy who was fairly engrossed in the show, his eyes firm on the screen, his hair tousled perfectly and the muscles of his body pushing gently against the shirt he was wearing. Even after a long day at school and a whole lot of training he looked incredible, he looked away from him, smiling to himself discreetly. When he’d been sat on the bus up to school earlier that week the last thing, he’d expected was to find himself falling for a Lightwood of all people especially one who was so reserved so polar opposite to how he was. He was even more surprised with the intensity of emotions that he had surrounding Alexander, how he was proud of him for being honest with Mrs Williams for considering learning sign even if it wasn’t for him personally, how even after a couple of days he seemed more comfortable with himself. There was something about Alec Lightwood that was automatically admirable, he was determined that was for sure and that level of determination drew Magnus towards him. He could feel himself falling, his brain and body urging to get closer to him, it was only his mind, his history that pulled him back. He needed to cut ties with everything Camille related and allow himself to fall fully, that was how he would grow as a person this year, he just needed to find the best way to let that happen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>Thank you so much for reading, I'm really enjoying seeing all your lovely comments. </p>
<p>Thanks and stay safe, </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Six </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Considering the weather throughout the first week of school had been somewhat undesirable, Sunday morning brought some relief from the grey skies and drizzly rain that seemed to seep into everything. Today though, the sun was shining, drying out the grass and trees and casting Alicante Boarding School in a sun-kissed light that stopped the old grey buildings from appearing so domineering and instead showed them in the view that they were intended to be, grandiose and regal. The shift in weather had happened at the perfect time, there was still a day left of the weekend to enjoy it and now that the term had well and truly began everyone was grateful for the opportunity to let the weather carry their moods elsewhere. It was only nine in the morning and there were already students packing up rucksacks and blankets for a lunchtime picnic, it brought the same atmosphere that happened towards the end of the year as the summer heated up, it was joyous, and everyone felt instantly more relaxed.</p>
<p>“You’re going to get bollocked if Mr Garraway catches you,” Jace whispered somewhat aggressively to Izzy as she ducked and quickly moved past his office, so she was officially on the side of the boarding house dedicated to the boys.</p>
<p>“It’s a special occasion, he can’t get that mad,” Izzy said, unphased as usual, whilst she didn’t regularly make a habit of pushing the boundaries, her brother’s birthday was definitely one occasion where she let herself do so. Afterall, if she didn’t plan something nobody would and Alec would (quite contently) spend his birthday alone, probably dancing. That was boring though, and Alec had already made her practically burst with pride this year and she wanted to celebrate that, which was why she had convinced Dot to help her make a cake and found herself sneaking around the boy’s dorms. The boy’s probably thought she was doing the walk of shame, sneaking out of Simon’s room or something, little did they know that this ‘reputation’ she was temporarily going to have was completely self-imposed. Not that she cared, people could think what they liked about her.</p>
<p>“I’m going to check he’s in there,” Jace said, pushing open the door a crack and peering his head through, accidentally making eye contact with Simon, “Shh,” he said quietly. Simon nodded back in response before glaring over at Jonathon who looked as though he was about to ruin the surprise at any moment. Jace spotted Alec, sat on his bed with his back to them, Magnus beside him as they both buried themselves over some book, clearly Alec had neglected to tell anyone that it was his birthday, which made sense, because it was Alec. He turned back to face Izzy, “Let’s go,” he said, pushing open the door then taking the cake of his sister.</p>
<p>“<em>Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you</em>-” the two of them started singing.</p>
<p>Magnus turned, a surprised expression on his face as he looked back over at Alec who had no idea what was happening. He nudged him, “It’s your birthday?”</p>
<p>“What?” Alec said, turning so he was looking at where Magnus was pointing.</p>
<p>“<em>Happy birthday dear Alec, happy birthday to you!” </em></p>
<p>Alec’s cheeks flushed red as he quickly realised that the whole room was looking at him, he smiled at Jace before swiftly blowing the candles out, “Thanks guys,” he said, avoiding the glares from everyone else, “This is completely unnecessary though.”</p>
<p>Izzy rolled her eyes, “Alec, you’re eighteen, this is like a <em>big</em> birthday. Today we celebrate, you can go back to dance and studying tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Raj cleared his throat from across the room, “I’m trying to get changed here Isabelle,” he snapped.</p>
<p>“Grow up, it’s not like you don’t strip every time we win a basketball game,” Izzy snapped right back.</p>
<p>“No girls in here, get out,” Jonathon inputted.</p>
<p>“I always forget you have a bunch of ten-year-olds in this room,” Izzy continued, ignoring the boys, and sitting down next to Alec on his bed, “So, we’re going to head into town today, Mr Garraway has already approved it so we’re good to go. You coming Magnus?” Izzy suggested, hoping he would take it as a hint to join them, she was more than grateful for him being Alec’s ally in everything the past week.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t want to intrude on family time,” Magnus protested, “You three should enjoy yourselves.”</p>
<p>“Simon’s coming, aren’t you?” Izzy said, looking over at Simon as he quickly threw a shirt on, surprising him slightly with the proposition.</p>
<p>“Erm, y-yeah?” Simon questioned before receiving an approving glance from Izzy, “Yeah, I am. Looking forward to it,” he finished, spraying some cologne.</p>
<p>“See, you’re not ruining family time, Jace is bringing Clary too.”</p>
<p>“I am indeed.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to Magnus, not if you’re busy,” Alec said, slightly overwhelmed by having all of these plans landed on him at once, “I’m going to text Aline as well, see if she wants to come.”</p>
<p>“She already is, don’t doubt my ability to plan these things big bro,” Izzy said defensively.</p>
<p>“Oh why not!” Magnus exclaimed, grateful that Aline would be joining them, after all, if she weren’t himself and Alec would be the only two not in or about to be in a relationship which had the potential to be somewhat awkward, “It’s not like anything interesting is going on here.”</p>
<p>“Brilliant!” Izzy exclaimed.</p>
<p>“Jesus Christ, I’m going to get Hotch or someone,” Jonathon said from his side of the room, “You’re literally not allowed to be in here.”</p>
<p>“Grow up Jonathan,” Jace inputted, “Just because you’re jealous that the attention isn’t on you for a change.”</p>
<p>“Well it’s been on your brother for a while now, forgive me if I couldn’t care less about his stupid hearing aids.”</p>
<p>“What’s going on?”</p>
<p>“Fuck,” Izzy muttered to herself at the sound of Mr Garraway’s voice, quickly diving down beneath Alec’s bed, a pointless move but one she’d ended up doing anyway. “I’m not here,” she whispered to Simon who was staring at her like she’d lost her mind.</p>
<p>“Isabelle, get up. You can’t be in here.”</p>
<p>Izzy reluctantly got up from underneath the bed, “You should sweep under there Alec, it’s gross,” she said as she crossed the room to Mr Garraway, “I was only saying happy birthday to Alec sir, it’s no big deal.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Mr Garraway responded, “You know the rules, go get your stuff, the bus to town leaves in ten minutes.”</p>
<p>“Told you so,” Jonathon quipped as Izzy left the room.</p>
<p>Alec laughed at the altercation and started packing up his bag. Most years he spent his birthday not doing much at all, often in the studio occasionally going out for food with his siblings but this year things felt a lot different. He had friends that he was doing things with, on behalf of Izzy’s organisation of course and he was actually kind of excited for what the day would hold, of course he would never admit that, but he was. He had a feeling it was going to be a really good day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Travelling to the nearest town wasn’t something Alec nor Magnus found themselves doing often, Alec because he never usually had anyone to go with and Magnus because he generally found it more stressful than anything else when it came to managing his levels. Restaurant food was harder to gage and by the time he’d tried to secretly work out how much insulin he did or didn’t need he wasn’t exactly looking forward to the food anymore. Today was different though, he had reason to be there and even if Alec had decided not to tell him, it was his birthday and he wanted to make sure that he had a good day, they were becoming good friends and friends of Magnus got treated like kings or queens on their birthday.</p>
<p>“So, the plan is, movie then shopping then food, but we’ll keep the shopping short, I know you’re not a fan Alec, me and Clary just really need some new trainers,” Izzy said.</p>
<p>“You really <em>need </em>some new trainers, or you <em>want</em> some new trainers?” Jace questioned.</p>
<p>“There’s not really a difference,” Clary confirmed, putting a hand jokingly on Jace’s shoulder, “There’s no point in you debating it, you won’t win.”</p>
<p>“Don’t I know it,” Jace mumbled.</p>
<p>“Come on, the films going to start soon,” Izzy said, taking lead of the group as she led everyone through the streets in the direction of the cinema.</p>
<p>“Happy Birthday Alec.”</p>
<p>Alec turned to face Aline who had quickly caught up with the group after chatting to Mr Garraway about something, “Thanks Aline.”</p>
<p>“Are you enjoying your day so far?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s been good. Izzy’s cake was a little bit questionable though.”</p>
<p>Aline laughed at the joke, Izzy had somehow made a name for herself when it came to her inability to cook anything, the cake was even more surprising though as Dot had literally been right beside her the whole time. Clearly bad luck was on her side whenever she stepped in the kitchen. “I should tell Dot that, maybe then she’ll stop coddling her when it comes to her skills.”</p>
<p>“Well, if anything, it’s a source of entertainment.”</p>
<p>“What are we talking about?” Magnus said, slipping back from his place in front of them where he had been chatting to Simon.</p>
<p>“My sister’s inability to cook anything,” Alec teased as Izzy flashed a warning glare at him.</p>
<p>“Oh I see, a terrible ailment,” Magnus said dramatically.</p>
<p>“I’m feeling very underappreciated right now,” Izzy joked, knowing that the whole thing was in friendly banter, if she couldn’t take her cooking being bad after all these years of being told so she’d seriously have to question herself. “Alec,” she said, pulling him back towards her, “I booked us in for the subtitled screening, is that okay?”</p>
<p>Alec smiled at his sister, “That’s fine, you didn’t have too though.”</p>
<p>“It’s your birthday, I want you to enjoy everything properly… how’re you finding being out and about with them in?”</p>
<p>Alec shrugged, “It’s fine, the noise of everything else is making it a bit harder to concentrate but it’s fine.”</p>
<p>“Good,” Izzy said, punching him on the arm playfully.</p>
<p>“What was that for?!”</p>
<p>“Look at you being all open and honest!”</p>
<p>“I’m an adult now, I guess it’s my new thing.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take it!”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The movie felt like a completely knew experience for Alec, most of it he could hear or at least make out what he could hear through lip reading and the subtitles, of course it was similar to how he managed to watch Below Deck with Magnus and Simon, but it just felt like something else altogether now that he was in an actual movie theatre. The whole day felt like an education in how things could change when you decided to treat your hearing loss, coincidentally he’d watched a video the night before on hearing loss and emotions. How lots of people are reluctant to get help for so many reasons but often the number of positive emotions that comes with hearing better outweigh the negative ones completely. Whilst he still wasn’t 100% in this new version of himself, he was definitely seeing, or hearing, the benefits now mainly when it came to his friends, being able to socialise so much better than he used to was uplifting him in ways he didn’t know were possible.</p>
<p>Alec looked over at Magnus as they came out of the theatre then headed over to him. “Did you enjoy the movie?” he asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it was good.”</p>
<p>“Woah,” Alec said suddenly, steadying Magnus as he almost fell over, “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Erm,” Magnus rubbed his eyes, “I need to sit down,” he said, kicking himself for turning his phone off during the movie, he knew it had been a bad idea, but he didn’t want to be ‘that person’ who was constantly disturbing everyone else. He was also annoyed at himself for falling asleep halfway through, if he hadn’t of done that then he probably wouldn’t have allowed himself to get to the point where he was about to pass out.</p>
<p>“We’ll meet you at the restaurant in an hour,” Alec said, getting a nod from Izzy as everyone left the theatre. “I’m guessing it’s your blood sugar?” he directed at Magnus as he helped him to a chair.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he looked at his phone to check his app and levels, “Fuck, they’re way too low.” He swallowed the feeling of nausea down then held his hand in front of him watching it as it shook.</p>
<p>“I’m going to go get you something, anything sugary, right?”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, taking a few deep breaths as Alec ran to the popcorn stand, after the number of problems he’d had over the summer he’d started to feel more and more anxious whenever he didn’t manage his condition as successfully as he’d like. Recently his blood sugar seemed to be running on a mind of its own which was only making things harder, he wasn’t even due food for another hour and now he was almost at a dangerous level of being hypoglycaemic, it was worrying. Yes, he could occasionally be forgetful with his routine, but he never forgot to take insulin when he was supposed to and he tried his best to prevent any hypos at all, now though his routine didn’t seem to be working and he couldn’t help but be concerned that things were going to be more obvious as time went on.</p>
<p>“Here you go,” Alec said opening up an airhead bar and handing it to him, “I think that’s the sugariest thing they had.” He sat down next to Magnus who was sat forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he took a bite, his body still shaking to a point where Alec was half convinced he needed to call Mr Garraway. He reached out and put a hand on Magnus’s back, rubbing it slightly for a few minutes until he finally sat back up. “Feeling better.”</p>
<p>“Kind of, it’s going to need a few minutes to set in. You can go if you want, this isn’t exactly the best way to spend your birthday.”</p>
<p>Alec raised an eyebrow at Magnus, “You nearly fainted, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t like shopping anyway, I’d rather chill with you.”</p>
<p>“If you’re sure?”</p>
<p>“Of course I am.”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “It just needs to go up so it’s almost normal, if we’re eating soon, I don’t want to end up having a hyper… I’m all over the place at the minute.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“It’s no biggy, not really, I’m just struggling to keep things level.”</p>
<p>“If you ever need anything, come find me. Whilst I think it would be a good idea to let people know, if you don’t want to do that, I can be super subtle.”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed, “Thank you Alexander, it’s appreciated.”</p>
<p>“How are you now?”</p>
<p>Magnus checked his phone, “We’re on the rise.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>The two looked across at each other, “Let’s go, we can wait for everyone at the restaurant.”</p>
<p>They stood up and headed down the street, both of them knowing that their bond as friends was developing more each day. Alec had never had someone to keep secrets for and he liked being the person that could help Magnus when he needed it, especially after all that Magnus had done for him since they got back. He was genuinely happy and having a whole load of new friends was part of that, there was just one thing he wasn’t sure about, something that he’d always known but had never wanted to address and that was the butterflies he occasionally got in his stomach when he was talking to Magnus. He knew what they meant, heck, he knew what he felt but he wasn’t ready for that level of acceptance with himself, that would be too much, he needed to take things one step at a time because if that information became public then everything would be ruined.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The restaurant was understandably busy for early Sunday evening, there weren’t many places to eat so the places that did exist were always bustling with servers who were rushed off their feet and, on the weekends, jam packed with the students from Alicante Boarding School. It was one of those atmospheres that filled your heart a little bit, everyone seemed happy and excited, there were multiple celebrations going on and it was the last bit of freedom before the working week began again meaning that everyone was letting loose the best that they could.</p>
<p>“Alec,” Izzy said, getting no response from her brother who was sat a few seats down from her. “Alec!” she said, louder this time. Magnus reached over the table, getting Alec’s attention for her.</p>
<p>“Sorry Is,” he looked up at the server who was waiting for him to order, “I’ll have an iced tea and the burger please.”</p>
<p>“Sure thing,” the server said, writing it down and heading over to the counter to place the orders.</p>
<p>Magnus watched Alec as he pulled out his phone to check something, he’d clearly become more disengaged now that they were in a restaurant and it didn’t exactly seem fair to him. He didn’t look unhappy, but he was definitely in his own world, like he used to be before he got the hearing aids. “Hey,” Magnus said, reaching over and squeezing his hand waiting for him to look up, “Do you have the transmitter with you?”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “It’s okay though, everyone’s enjoying themselves I’m happy just observing.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be so selfless.”</p>
<p>“Pardon?”</p>
<p>“Don’t be so selfless, let’s put it in the middle of the table.”</p>
<p>Alec rubbed his eyes, “Okay,” he said reluctantly. Not wanting to draw attention to himself and the fact that the restaurant was too loud for him when everyone else was enjoying themselves so much. He wasn’t lying to Magnus, he was happy observing, it was nice to see all of his friends so relaxed and it was particularly entertaining watching Jace try and flirt with Clary. He knew that Magnus wouldn’t let it lie though, he seemed determined to make sure that Alec was included in everything and it was a nice gesture, so he wasn’t going to fight it.</p>
<p>“I don’t think it’ll work; it’s going to pick up background noise as well,” he said to Magnus as he took the device out and turned it on.</p>
<p>“That’s true, but we can try it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alec said, putting it on the table.</p>
<p>“How is it?”</p>
<p>Alec shrugged, “I can hear you better, but I can also hear everyone else… it’s not great but it’s fine,” he said, wanting to just block out all the background noise for good. The server came over and started putting their food on the table which looked a lot better than most of the food that was served at school. “How are you feeling?” Alec asked Magnus as he took a bit of his own burger.</p>
<p>“Better,” Magnus replied.</p>
<p>“I’m glad.”</p>
<p>Magnus watched Alec as he ate his food, his brow was furrowed in concentration as he tried to tune in to the conversation, but it was obvious that it wasn’t working. That was the thing about Alec Lightwood, even after only getting to know him recently it was clear that he hated being a burden or being treated differently to anyone else, even if that meant him suffering through something uncomfortable. Magnus looked over at Izzy and then back at Alec, hoping she would see what he was seeing, Alec would never say something, but he would do what the rest of the group was doing, and Isabelle could definitely instigate that.</p>
<p>“Are we all done?” Izzy said, once she was sure that plates were finished with. “Let’s go wait for the bus outside,” she said, nodding at Magnus.</p>
<p>“Good plan,” Magnus seconded.</p>
<p>The relaxation on Alec’s face was worth the covert operation that had gone on between Izzy and Magnus at least now he didn’t seem to be straining as much. He seemed lighter, back to how he had been for the first half of the day and was enjoying himself as he teased Jace about something or other. Magnus walked towards him, “Have you had a good birthday then?”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “The best,” he confirmed smiling at Magnus then at Jace, “Although I am going to have to make up for this day off over the week.”</p>
<p>Jace scoffed at the comment, “Relax bro, you’re allowed a break guilt free every now and then.”</p>
<p>The bus pulled up to the stop and Mr Garraway got out, checking off people as they boarded it. Alec moved his way to the back, sandwiched between his two siblings his heart full as their group continued to chat about the film they saw and just how good their food had been. The day may not have been as smooth as he would have liked it to be, but it had still been incredibly, a stark contrast to what he was used to and most importantly he’d spent it with his friends and family who had all had fun as well. He couldn’t ask for much more than that he thought to himself as the bus headed back to school.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>Thanks so much for reading, I'm sorry it's a day late I got completely lost off with how many days had passed (I guess a third lockdown will do that to a person haha). Hope everyone is well and safe, the next chapter will be up on Tuesday. </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Seven </span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There is no way I can do that.”</p>
<p>Alec paused the video and turned so he was facing Harry who looked as though he was about to burst into tears at any moment. “Says who?” he questioned.</p>
<p>“Me, I can’t do all those things and there’s props and-”</p>
<p>“-Okay, take a breath bud,” Alec said, waiting a second, “This isn’t about the dance is it, you know that you’ll be able to learn this over time.”</p>
<p>Harry swallowed, “I-I,” a tear ran down his cheek, “Everyone thinks I’m a freak,” the boy said his voice cracking.</p>
<p>“That’s not true at all Harry, anyone that calls you that is just jealous because they can’t do what you can do. You’re super talented, you’re going to show them all how incredible you are.”</p>
<p>“That’s not why… they found out that I was in care and now they’re saying they don’t want me here anymore because I don’t belong and, and.”</p>
<p>Alec gritted his teeth, anger, an emotion he rarely felt sweeping over him. “They’re what?” he said, “I actually can’t believe they’re getting away with this, come on, we’re going to go report this to Mr Garraway. I’m not letting this slide,” he said, holding Harry’s hand and heading him out of the room.</p>
<p>“No! Alec, stop!”</p>
<p>Alec turned, “I’m not having them treat you like this Harry.”</p>
<p>Harry looked down at the floor, “You’ll make things worse, I just, I’m stressed, and I shouldn’t have told you.”</p>
<p>Alec breathed out slowly, calming himself down, “You can tell me anything you want to,” he paused for a second, thinking about the best way to calm him down, “Do you remember the routine to Angry Dance?” Harry nodded, “Let’s do it, don’t play it as Billy, just let out your feelings. You’ll feel better,” Alec said, taking his hearing aids out and getting the music ready.</p>
<p>“You’re dancing with me?”</p>
<p>“Sorry bud, I missed that,” Alec said.</p>
<p>“You’re going to do the dance with me?” Harry said more clearly.</p>
<p>“I think it’ll be good, it’s not a duet in the show but we should practice dancing together anyway.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>Alec clicked play on the music and put his phone on the side, quickly catching up to where Harry was in the routine. Tap wasn’t always Alec’s favourite style of dance, he found it the hardest which was probably due to him not being able to hear his feet on the floor as well, but it was extremely cathartic. Especially when you were doing a routine that was supposed to be aggressive, it was the perfect opportunity to release energy and literally let everything out, Billy shouted a lot in performance and Harry was doing that as he danced. Alec looked over at him and grinned, clearly his plan was working, the kid already seemed a lot less tense than he had done moments before.</p>
<p>Harry collapsed on the floor once the music ended, his chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath, it was a great dance, but it was tiring. He watched as Alec put his hearing aids back in and sat down next to him, “That was fun,” Harry said through broken breaths.</p>
<p>“It looked great.”</p>
<p>Alec looked up as Magnus entered the room, “Thanks. Harry have you met Magnus?”</p>
<p>Harry nodded, “He tutors me in English.”</p>
<p>“I do indeed. “</p>
<p>“Oh, I didn’t know you tutored?” Alec questioned.</p>
<p>“There are many things you don’t know about me Alexander Lightwood.”</p>
<p>“How intriguing. Harry are you ready to head back to the dorm? You feeling a bit better?” Alec said, hoping he’d done enough to get the kid back on track before he came up with a better solution.</p>
<p>Harry nodded, “I suppose so,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Magnus asked, noticing the saddened expression on the younger boy’s face.</p>
<p>“Some of the boys in his year aren’t been very nice to him.”</p>
<p>Harry sighed, “I just wish I could be like everyone else here.”</p>
<p>Magnus scoffed at the comment, “Trust me, you don’t. Individuality is what makes you, you, it’s important.”</p>
<p>“But-”</p>
<p>“Magnus is right bud, look at me, I’m different to everyone else here and I’m doing just fine.”</p>
<p>Harry nodded, “I’ll see you next week Alec, see you Monday Magnus,” he said leaving the room.</p>
<p>“God that makes me so mad,” Magnus said laying down on the floor, so he was staring up at the ceiling, waiting for Alec to lay down next to him, “This school has done great things for me but some of the people that go here, they’re just so out of touch with the real world, it’s disgusting.”</p>
<p>Alec sat back up, “This is not a great position for me to be able to hear you,” he joked bringing his knees up to his chest, so he was almost looking down at Magnus as he lay on the floor.</p>
<p>“Did Jaxon send off your video profile today?”</p>
<p>Alec’s stomach churned at the thought, the past month had gone by in such a blur that he wasn’t even sure that his pieces for the profile were his best work. Jaxon had assured him that they were, but he had so much going on that he didn’t know whether to believe him, if he was honest, no matter what Jaxon told him he’d struggle to believe it, criticism of his own performance was one of his favourite things to do which led to him having breakdowns over stylistic choices and techniques on the regular. “He did, I don’t think I’ll get any auditions though.”</p>
<p>Magnus rolled his eyes, “You know you’re a good dancer, they’re bound to give you auditions they’d be stupid not to want you.”</p>
<p>“They won’t want someone like me, my parents will win on this, they always do.”</p>
<p>“No they won’t,” Magnus paused for a second, “You still haven’t told them about your hearing aids?”</p>
<p>“No, I genuinely think they’d ship me off somewhere… they’re not the most accepting of people, people being me.”</p>
<p>“I hate that, you deserve better.”</p>
<p>“You get what you’re given I guess.”</p>
<p>“That’s not the same message you were giving to Harry a few minutes ago.”</p>
<p>Alec smiled, “You got me. Come on, I’m hungry.”</p>
<p>Magnus took hold of Alec’s hand and let him pull him up as they headed out of the studio and to the cafeteria. The strength of his arms and the lingering touch of his hand on his arm making his heart rate increase longer than it should have done, it seemed to be getting harder and harder for him to fight the urge of keeping things as ‘just friends’. Alec only seemed to become more attractive to him the more time he spent with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t often that Alec spent time studying in the common room but over the past few weeks he’d found himself getting more distracted by Magnus who regularly interrupted his studying by talking to him, or just generally being there. Magnus Bane was quite the presence, one that was hard to ignore, which was why he’d decided that today he would crack on with his homework in the common room. It was easier to zone out a whole room of people than Magnus Bane alone which seemed the wrong way round but made complete sense to him. Alec turned the page of his textbook and started answering the equations in his book, his Maths grades and most of his wider subject grades had gone up a fair bit recently, so doing Maths homework wasn’t a worry for him, it was English Language and occasionally Lit that still gave him grief. The lessons were harder to follow due to their being more discussion and the textbooks weren’t as explanatory as other subjects, he was left a lot to his own devices and he just couldn’t bring the grades up, no matter how hard he tried. He shook his head, pushing the thought of English out of his mind and returning to his Maths homework, the last thing he needed was for his English grades to start negatively impacting everything else as well.</p>
<p>“He’s definitely on something, no one acts like that off their own accord.”</p>
<p>Alec froze at the comment that was coming from the sofa behind him. He knew that Jonathon and Raj, along with the rest of the jocks usually hung out there in the evening but who they were talking about was what Alec wanted to find out. Anything that those guys said had to be taken with a pinch of salt but rumours like that could destroy people especially when they weren’t true.</p>
<p>“How do you know though?” Raj questioned.</p>
<p>“I broke into that locked door by his desk, found a load of needles and vials. Absolute freak.”</p>
<p>Alec’s face turned white as he turned around in his chair, “Wh-who are you talking about?”</p>
<p>Raj laughed at Alec, “Sorry, didn’t think you’d be able to hear us,” he said somewhat menacingly.  </p>
<p>“Good one,” Jonathon interrupted, “This is a private conversation,” he continued speaking overly slowly, deliberately taking the piss out of him.</p>
<p>“You’re hilarious. Who is it?”</p>
<p>Jonathon rolled his eyes, “Don’t worry about it Lightwood, I binned the drugs anyway, replaced them with water, the real Magnus Bane will come out soon.”</p>
<p>Alec stood up sharply, “You did what?”</p>
<p>“Calm down, he’ll just go through withdrawal-”</p>
<p>“You could fucking kill him!” Alec yelled, debating laying into Jonathon before re-setting himself and narrowing into the most important thing, finding Magnus. Thankfully, he was expected to be in their dorm, he’d gone up pretty soon after dinner saying he was tired and wanted to get an early night in, which only worried Alec more now that he knew what Jonathon had done. “Idiots!” Alec yelled as he raced out of the common room and started climbing up the stairs.</p>
<p>“Everything okay Alec?” Simon asked, not getting a response as Alec rushed past him, almost knocking him over in the process. “Alec! What’s going on?” He said again, sighing and then following him into the dorm, whatever was going on had clearly got him into a panic and he didn’t want him to deal with that all alone.</p>
<p>Alec ran over to Magnus’ bed, putting a hand on his forehead and pulling it away at the heat. Magnus was asleep but he seemed restless, his hands were twitching by his side and his eyes were moving rapidly beneath his eyelids. “Magnus, wake up,” Alec said, shaking his shoulder gently, “Come on, come on.”</p>
<p>Magnus mumbled underneath his breath, something that Alec couldn’t quite make out. “Simon, go get Mr Garraway, it’s an emergency.”</p>
<p>“What’s going on?” Simon said, panic starting to rise in him as he noticed how sweaty Magnus was underneath the sheets and how clammy his face looked.</p>
<p>“I’ll tell you later, just get Mr Garraway tell him Magnus is hyperglycaemic.”</p>
<p>Simon swallowed, “Yeah, okay,” he muttered, rushing out the room.</p>
<p>“Come on Magnus, wake up,” Alec said, putting his arms underneath Magnus’ back and pulling him towards him.</p>
<p>“Wh-what’s,” Magnus lurched forward, throwing up all over the carpet, “I-I-”</p>
<p>“Shh, you’re okay, you’re going to be okay,” Alec comforted, rubbing Magnus’ back to soothe him as Magnus threw up again, “You didn’t take insulin before dinner, well you did but,” Alec paused noticing how confused Magnus looked, “You know what, that doesn’t matter right now.”</p>
<p>“My d-dad,”</p>
<p>Alec pushed back Magnus’ hair, “Don’t talk, just rest. You’re shaking like a leaf, I’ve got you.”</p>
<p>Magnus threw up again then clutched at his stomach, “It hurts so bad,” he said, clearly close to tears.</p>
<p>“I know,” Alec said, pulling him back towards him so his head was resting on his shoulder, rocking him slightly hoping that whatever all these symptoms meant that they weren’t going to result in something too serious. Ever since Magnus had told him about his diabetes Alec had spent some time researching what he could do to help him and what signs to look out for when it came to low or high blood sugar. Right now Magnus was experiencing a lot of them, confusion, abdominal pain, increased sweating and vomiting and if he’d been sleeping through them, all be it restlessly it was hard to tell how bad things had gotten… he breathed out slowly, “You’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>“What’s happened?” Mr Garraway asked, coming into the dorm with Simon following behind them and kneeling down next to Magnus, checking his temperature with his hand, moving away quickly as Magnus threw up again. “This isn’t good, is it bud?” Mr Garraway said, opening up the medical bag he had carried with him and sorting out the appropriate dose of insulin.</p>
<p>Alec looked over his shoulder at Simon who had turned as white as a sheet, clearly queasy at the vomiting and the shock of everything that had gone on. “Is he going to be okay?” Simon asked, his voice shaky.</p>
<p>“Yeah, he’ll be okay,” Mr Garraway confirmed.</p>
<p>Alec continued to hold Magnus as Mr Garraway injected him with insulin.</p>
<p>“Has he said anything about how this happened?” Mr Garraway asked Alec.</p>
<p>“No, but Jonathon broke into his medical supply, assumed they were drugs and replaced his insulin with water, he’s ate dinner thinking things were normal but,”</p>
<p>Mr Garraway groaned, “This is a nightmare, right, do you know what he had for dinner?”</p>
<p>“Erm, he had pizza and then the brownie for dessert, maybe salad too.”</p>
<p>“No wonder he’s so bad. I’m going to make a call to the hospital, see what they recommend. Simon, run and get Dot or Hodge, Alec are you okay sitting with him till someone else comes?”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “That’s fine,” he said, holding Magnus again as he threw up.</p>
<p>Alec lay Magnus back down on his bed, sitting next to him and holding his hand as he slowly came back into reality, well as much as he could when he was still throwing up every five minutes and was practically doubled over in pain. “I’m going to kill him,” Alec muttered under his breath, running his thumb over Magnus’ palm, something he normally did to himself to calm down but was now projecting onto Magnus.</p>
<p>“No you’re not,” Magnus said, forcing himself to raise an eyebrow at Alec, “I’m so thirsty.”</p>
<p>Alec reached over to the bedside table and held the cup for Magnus as he took a sip, “Are you feeling any better?”</p>
<p>“A bit,” he rolled over and threw up again, “Maybe not.”</p>
<p>Alec smiled at the sarcastic comment, “I’m just glad I found you.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad you found me too… is it weird I really want to kiss you right now?”</p>
<p>Alec laughed at the comment, attempting to hide how red his cheeks had gone at the comment, “I’m going to blame that on you being sick and not take your word for it.”</p>
<p>The door opened, revealing Mr Garraway and Hodge, “It’s hospital time, sorry bud,” Mr Garraway said, “Hodge and Dot are going to take you, it’s just a precaution but with your admissions over the summer they’re worried this could be a setback.”</p>
<p>Magnus groaned, “I thought as much,” he breathed in slowly, “My visions a bit blurry, I don’t know if I can walk.”</p>
<p>“We’ll help.”</p>
<p>Alec watched as Magnus got up, supported by Mr Garraway on one side and Hodge on the other. “Get better soon,” he said, collapsing back down on the bed, somewhat exhausted from the whole fiasco. It had probably only taken half an hour in total, but it felt like the longest half hour of his life, he knew that if diabetes weren’t managed properly it could be really serious and that worry that something was going to be seriously wrong with Magnus was going to eat away at him until he was back at school, safe. He also needed to explain what had happened to Simon, but he needed a break, time to reprogramme himself before he did. He got up from the bed and headed to the dance studio, the only place where he could fully decompress.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The thought of playing older Billy in the school play was an exciting one for Alec, it was a full circle moment for him, it was nostalgic to watch Henry learn all the routines that he had done and to be learning the Swan Lake routine from a different height, perspective even. The performance was supposed to take place the week before Thanksgiving weekend where they would all go home, and parents often came to the Friday performance and picked up their children straight from the school’s theatre. This year, Alec’s wouldn’t be coming, it was a play more for the younger students and whilst he knew that his role was important, it wasn’t a large one and even if they did come there would only be more problems for him to try and hide. The whole point in putting his all into Billy was to make sure the show looked good and that Harry enjoyed himself and put his best self forward, it was one of the least stressful things he had to prepare for this year and learning the routine was more than enjoyable. It also distracted him from everything that had gone on with Magnus that evening but not for long as he carried his turn off stage waiting for the music to finish.</p>
<p>“Is that for Billy Elliot?” Simon said, entering the studio.</p>
<p>“Say that again, sorry,” Alec said, taking his hearing aids out of his bag and putting them back in.</p>
<p>“Is that the piece for Billy Elliot?”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Yeah, it’s a duet with Harry, the first year playing Billy, a dream sequence.”</p>
<p>“It looked really great,” Simon shuffled awkwardly between his feet then looked back up at Alec, “We need to talk, about Magnus. I’m assuming there’s a reason why neither of you told us what was going on.”</p>
<p>Alec looked at the floor, it was his turn to feel a little awkward now, “I wanted Magnus to tell you and Catarina and all of them but, he begged me to keep it a secret, obviously you know what’s going on, have you told anyone else?”</p>
<p>“He’s diabetic, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t told anyone, is it my place to? Have things gotten to the point where we need to tell people, his friends, for his safety?”</p>
<p>Alec shrugged his shoulders, “I honestly don’t know. If it weren’t for Jonathon being his usual ignorant self, none of this would have happened… Jonathon is probably going to get into trouble anyway so it’s all going to come out over time,” he sighed, “I don’t know Simon. It’s Magnus’ story, his condition to manage, I’m not sure we should let people know, it’s not our information to share.”</p>
<p>“I guess, we both know now, and teachers do too.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s not like he doesn’t know how to manage his condition either, he’s just been forced into having a bad reaction today. Usually, he knows what he’s doing.”</p>
<p>“Mr Garraway said he was in hospital over summer…”</p>
<p>“… Magnus never mentioned it to me… I’m sure he’ll explain things once he’s back. Let’s just not overthink it, he’ll be back soon, and all will become clear.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Simon paused, “You were great by the way, stepping in and sorting everything out. I was a mess.”</p>
<p>“No you weren’t.”</p>
<p>“Thanks though. I’ll let you get back to your practice.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>Alec put the music back on and went over the routine again, the chair swirling in his hand as he thought about how things might change for Magnus, whether he would be okay about what had happened, whether he would freak out if Jonathon told everyone. Magnus didn’t seem like the kind of person that would spiral over a thing like that, unlike Alec who took every opportunity he could to spiral, but then again, Magnus had kept his diabetes a secret for years, it could be hard to suddenly have such a personal part of you out in the open like that. He lifted the chair over his head, continuing the dance as the music intensified. There was more than Magnus just being upset to think about, the confession of wanting to kiss him wouldn’t leave his mind, yes, Magnus had been confused and probably didn’t mean anything by it, but there was a small part of Alec that hoped it wasn’t just delirium talking and that Magnus did actually want to kiss him. No one knew about Alec’s sexuality at all, it had always been off topic to him, partly because he didn’t want to be a stereotype and partly because he didn’t need another thing to go against him in his parent’s eyes but, he was eighteen years old, he couldn’t keep on hiding things away forever. Magnus was a great person, an ideal boyfriend, if he were going to come out to anyone, he would be the perfect choice, there</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone, </p>
<p>Hope you are all well! This chapter is a bit of a sadder one but it does have it's moments! It also gave me an excuse to talk about Billy Elliot again (which is my all time favourite musical, possibly because - fun fact - I grew up in the area where the film and musical is set), I've linked below the two dances that I mention in this chapter in case anyone is interested. Thanks again for reading! </p>
<p>Amy x </p>
<p>Angry Dance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDElsfXr47Y<br/>Swan Lake (Dream Ballet): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1A86NI-iFI</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Eight </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next day had been a tough one for Alec to get through, his mind constantly worrying about how Magnus was and what was going on. No one had updated him on the situation, probably because of GDPR laws, but still, it was tough to focus on algebra when Magnus could still be in hospital suffering all because of a stupid, thoughtless move from someone who everyone in the school new was trouble. Speaking of Jonathon, he had seemed to of disappeared since breakfast time, which was probably a good thing as it meant that there was a possibility that he’d been kicked out or suspended, Alec hoped it was the former. He would pay money to have the boy never return to their school again. What Alec was grateful for though was his afternoon with Mrs Williams, he was hopeful that she would go easy on him and at least he could talk to her about how distracted he was, and she would be likely to understand. That was the thing with his sessions with Mrs Williams, whilst she didn’t let him slack off in the slightest, she got that sometimes things could become overwhelming and she listened, it was hard to find teachers like that at Alicante, so he appreciated them when they were.</p>
<p>Alec knocked on the door to Mrs William’s office before entering it, an action that he did out of politeness rather than necessity as he could never hear the response from the other side but felt he should still alert whoever was inside that there was someone at the door. He pushed it open, smiling at Mrs William’s before his face lit up completely at the sight of Magnus sat down on the sofa a slightly mischievous look on his face.</p>
<p>“Oh my god, you’re okay?!” Alec exclaimed, walking towards his friend, and giving him a hug, “I mean, how are you? are you actually okay? They released you so you must be okay-”</p>
<p>“-Alexander, breathe,” Magnus reprimanded, “I’m okay, well, I’m better than I was yesterday, and I wasn’t going to spend any longer than I had to inside that hospital.”</p>
<p>Mrs William’s raised an eyebrow at Magnus, “Well you’re going to have to Magnus, there’s no getting around your appointment with the diabetes specialist next week.”</p>
<p>Magnus rolled his eyes, “I suppose not, at least it’s a reason for me and Alexander to spend a whole afternoon together… outside of our respective appointments that is.”</p>
<p>“My appointments next week? Where has the time gone?” Alec questioned.</p>
<p>Magnus laughed at the comment, “You sound like a middle-aged woman questioning how her children have grown up so quickly.”</p>
<p>“That’s an interesting analogy.” Alec stopped for a second realising he was still stood up with his backpack on, deciding to take it off and sit down next to Magnus, “So, what happened at the doctor’s?”</p>
<p>“Alexander, I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me. They just gave me some fluids and monitored my blood sugar until I was back to normal and was keeping food and water down.”</p>
<p>“Why are you going back next week then?”</p>
<p>Magnus shrugged, “It’s unnecessary if you ask me. They want me to talk to a diabetes specialist about how to ‘<em>better manage my condition’</em> – apparently there have been too many scares lately, none of which were my fault but hey I guess I get the blame for them.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think it’s to do with blame Magnus, I think everyone’s just trying to help you.”</p>
<p>Magnus swallowed, “Alexander, I don’t really want to talk about this anymore. It is what it is, I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Okay,” he said, wishing that Magnus would open up just a little bit more, he knew it was almost hypocritical for him to say considering how closed off he’d been over the years, but he wanted Magnus to know that he was supported.</p>
<p>“What’s happening with Jonathon?” Alec asked, changing the subject slightly.</p>
<p>“Suspended for two weeks then he’s on report until he shows signs of intentionally wanting to improve his behaviour,” Mrs William’s said, glancing over at Magnus who seemed to be becoming more tired. “Magnus, you don’t have to do schoolwork you can nap in here if you like, I just can’t have you unsupervised yet.”</p>
<p>“Unfortunately, someone is blocking half of the couch,” Magnus teased, kicking Alec slightly.</p>
<p>Alec stood up sharply, “Sorry, I didn’t realise.”</p>
<p>“I’m only teasing.”</p>
<p>Mrs William’s laughed at the conversation, “Come on then Alec, we need to get cracking on those spellings from last week anyway. I’m assuming you don’t mind Magnus being in the room.”</p>
<p>“That’s fine,” Alec said, sticking his tongue out at Magnus as he sat down at the table in the corner and took out a notepad. He already felt ten times lighter now that he knew that Magnus was definitely okay, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about how stubborn Magnus had decided he needed to be about his condition, like he was reluctant to accept any help at all. Of course, Alec understood why, it was difficult to admit that something was wrong or to ask for help, he’d learned that the hard way he just thought that things would be different when he was talking to him. The two of them had shared so much since the start of term, he’d figured there weren’t any boundaries, apparently there were though, Alec just had to find a way to knock them down a little. The last thing he wanted was for Magnus to bottle everything up and then erupt, he needed to get better though first, back to full health, then they could talk. Until then, Alec just had to be by his side.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was early evening, just after dinner and Magnus was sat in the communal area that was shared with both boys and girls that were in their final year. It was usually quiet at this time, most students either hung out in their boarding house common rooms or went and did extra practice or training for whatever extra curriculars they did, which meant that Magnus had remained relatively undisturbed. He was enjoying the peace and quiet, he couldn’t help but notice the odd looks from some of his peers when he was collecting his dinner which he’d ended up eating in Mr Garraway’s office as a ‘precaution’ and whilst he usually wouldn’t mind being the centre of attention, this was different, he was getting looks because everyone knew that there was something wrong with them and that was what he didn’t like. He wanted to come across as strong, independent, charismatic, and now that everyone knew his vulnerabilities, they juxtaposed the personality and reputation that he had worked so hard to achieve. He hated it and he wasn’t sure how to accept this new reality yet.</p>
<p>Magnus looked up as the door to the common room opened revealing Catarina and Ragnor, he breathed in slowly, hoping that this wasn’t going to be a confrontational conversation and that the two of them would understand why he hadn’t told them about his condition. They were his best friends and now that everything was out in the open, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty about not telling them in the first place, he’d rather they knew than Jonathon yet that had been flipped on its head.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Catarina said, sitting down next to him on the couch, “How’re you feeling?”</p>
<p>Magnus smiled, “Better than I did yesterday… I’m assuming the whole school knows now?”</p>
<p>Ragnor nodded, “Jonathon sent a text to Raj and Raj sent a text to everyone, I’m not going to lie it’s a rubbish way to find out.”</p>
<p>“Ragnor,” Catarina reprimanded before breathing out slowly, “You know you could have told us? We wouldn’t have judged or treated you any different.”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “I know, I just. It’s not something I like talking about or dealing with, when everyone knows you have something like diabetes people look differently at you. I manage it fine on my own, no one needed to know,” he sighed, “I should have told you, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Ragnor nodded his head in understanding, “I guess we can forgive you,” he joked.</p>
<p>“It’s your business anyway, medical confidentiality and all that, you didn’t have to tell us, and you didn’t that’s your decision,” Catarina said, squeezing his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Thanks, at least you know I’m not a drug addict now.”</p>
<p>Catarina laughed, “Honestly, the fact that Jonathon saw a needle and thought drugs is a worrying thought, what an absolute idiot.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think anyone would have disputed Jonathon being an idiot anyway, now though, it’s practically a certified fact,” Ragnor said.</p>
<p>“Well that’s certainly true,” Magnus continued, “He’s gone for a while now anyway, no need to worry about him.”</p>
<p>Magnus sat back into the sofa as his friends continued to talk, grateful for the sense of normality that them not being too upset brought to him. He always felt some aspect of dissociation whenever he ended up in hospital, like he wasn’t really himself and it could take a while for him to return to his normal self. He’d spent so much of the summer on edge after his hospital trips that he’d barely had a chance to relax because living on your own at seventeen with your father away wasn’t the ideal environment to recover in. He’d been anxious that something would happen, and he’d be too late in calling an ambulance or that his Dad would forget to pick up his prescription again, being at school changed things though. At least when he was at school staff members knew about his condition and were legally responsible for prescriptions being picked up and appointments being made and attended to. There was less stress attached to it because he could rely on the school to do the right thing, he couldn’t rely on his Dad, even when he’d asked to change the name on his prescriptions to his now that he was seventeen, he couldn’t. Not because his Dad didn’t agree but because he couldn’t find the time to do it. It was ridiculous when he thought about it, but he didn’t have much of a choice. Here though, he didn’t have to worry so much, he was in control when he was in school and he always had the support that he needed. It was going home for Christmas that would be the problem.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was later on in the evening and Magnus, Alec and Simon were spending it how they spent most evenings, with a Below Deck Netflix binge peppered with comments about how attractive the cast members were from Magnus. It was a ritual now and one that they weren’t sure they could live without anymore, when they finished every episode of the show, they were going to be at a complete loss on how to survive. Magnus turned his head slightly, looking over at Alec who was still staring at the screen, unaware that he was being watched, he bit his lip slowly, trying to hold back the urge to kiss him instead resting his head against his shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t push him away. He didn’t remember much from when Alec had woken him up when he was having his hyper, confusion had taken over, but he did have something floating in the back of his mind, a faint memory of saying how much he wanted to kiss him, or something along those lines. Alec hadn’t mentioned it since though and he wasn’t going to push it, not if he wasn’t ready or, not that he thought this was true, that he didn’t feel the same way.</p>
<p>The feel of Magnus’ head on Alec’s shoulder instantly caused goosebumps to form across the entirety of his body, the way his head seemed to fit perfectly into the crook between his shoulder and neck felt like a comfort blanket in a way that Alec had never felt before. He stayed still, letting Magnus relax for a little bit before moving his hand underneath the blanket they were sharing and taking hold of Magnus’.</p>
<p>“You okay?” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Perfect Alexander,” Magnus responded, smiling to himself as Alec started tracing his thumb around the palm of his hand, perhaps he could make a move after all. He looked up at Alec who was looking down at him, “I meant what I said the other night.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “I’ll bare that in mind,” Alec responded, looking over at Simon who had fallen asleep in a different direction to the two of them.</p>
<p>The door to the dorm opened, casting a blinding beam of light across the room. Alec jumped, letting go of Magnus’ hand as he turned to see who was coming in.</p>
<p>“Alec, I’m guessing you never checked your mail today,” Mr Garraway said heading over to them and handing Alec a letter, “This one looks like it might be important.”</p>
<p>Alec sat up properly and took a look at the letter, his heart instantly speeding up as he read the word Julliard on the front. He swallowed. “Thanks sir,” he said, his hand starting to shake.</p>
<p>“Go on, open it!” Magnus said, nudging him playfully, “The suspense is killing me.”</p>
<p>“It’s killing me more,” Alec said, running his finger along the seem so it was open but not pulling the letter out yet.</p>
<p>“You’ve applied to other schools, if they haven’t given you an audition, others will, you’ve got this,” Magnus said before shaking Simon on the shoulder to wake him up.</p>
<p>“Hey!” Simon exclaimed, almost banging his head on the metal frame of the bed he was sat next too.</p>
<p>“Alec’s got a letter from Julliard,” Magnus exclaimed, getting a warning look from Mr Garraway who could tell that the boy was nervous.</p>
<p>“What does it say?”</p>
<p>“He hasn’t opened it yet.”</p>
<p>Alec stood up, heading over to his own bed and sitting down on it, his stomach making him feel as though he could throw up at any second. He pulled the letter out of the envelope and unfolded it, closing his eyes then opening them as he scanned down the page. He smiled.</p>
<p>“I’ve got an audition,” he whispered to himself before standing up, “I got an audition!” he said louder this time, dropping the letter onto his bed and bracing himself as Magnus came hurtling towards him.</p>
<p>“I knew you would!” Magnus said, wrapping his arms around him tightly and squeezing him till he almost burst, “They would have been stupid not to, oh my god I’m so proud of you. You need to go and tell Izzy and Jace, wow this is just.”</p>
<p>Mr Garraway headed over to them and put a hand on Magnus’ shoulder, “Let him breathe,” he joked before turning his attention to Alec, “Congratulations Alec, you deserve it. When is the audition?”</p>
<p>“Three weeks,” Alec swallowed pulling away from Magnus, “Three weeks,” he repeated, “That’s like no time at all… I need to go and practice,” he said, picking up his gym bag, almost on autopilot.</p>
<p>“Alec put your bag down, you’re not practicing now,” Mr Garraway said, “stick to your normal schedule or you’ll burn out and take some time to enjoy this moment okay?”</p>
<p>Alec dropped his bag and nodded his head.</p>
<p>“Congrats Alec,” Simon said, joining the group that were now stood in the middle of the room.</p>
<p>“Magnus you need to get some rest if you’re planning on going back to lessons tomorrow, have you done your blood sugar checks tonight?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Then get some sleep, I’m kicking everyone out of the common room now anyway.”</p>
<p>Alec breathed out a sigh of relief, expelling tension that he didn’t even know he had to expel, a slight feeling of pride crossing over him as he collapsed down on his bed.</p>
<p>“How do you feel?” Magnus asked, getting no response as Alec was too busy staring at the ceiling, he moved towards him, tapping his knee to get his attention, “How do you feel?” he repeated now that Alec was looking at him.</p>
<p>“Like this is too good to be true,” Alec admitted before lying back down on his bed, “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “Sure,” he said, getting up and heading back to his own bed.</p>
<p>Alec pulled his covers over him and took his hearing aids out, putting them on his bedside table before switching off the night light. It was strange, how he’d spent all day worrying about Magnus, hoping that he was okay and then hoping that he wasn’t going to bottle his feelings up, for on that same day to get an audition for his number one school. Dance had pretty much been the last thing on his mind, yes, he’d had practice that afternoon, but he still hadn’t thought about applications during it. It was funny how things come along when you least expect them, when your mind is full of one thing another thing comes along to relieve you of that stress. He smiled to himself underneath his sheets, he was almost there, he just had to get through the audition and then he’d be free. No more criticisms from his parents no more worry that he wasn’t good enough, he was one step away officially being on the right path to achieving his dreams and that was something that could even make someone as stoic as Alec Lightwood, excited.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>Hope you are all well! Thanks again for reading, I really appreciate it. I don't think is my best chapter but I've spent so long playing with it and editing it I've decided to just go ahead and post it, hopefully it's okay. </p>
<p>Stay safe and best wishes </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Nine </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>It had been exactly a week since Alec had received his letter inviting him to audition at Julliard for dance, the excitement and the nerves hadn’t really weaned but his preparation for what was to come was exemplar. He’d talked to Jaxon who had helped him to decide what piece to audition with, if he got to that stage, Jaxon had also reluctantly called out demands for the different styles of dance he’d be expected to perform during the dance classes that acted as elimination rounds so that he was confident that in three weeks’ time he would have no problem following along with Julliard’s dance master. This was how he stopped himself from exploding, or from going insane with anticipation, by being organised, if he were organised and prepared for the audition then he couldn’t be too harsh on himself if he didn’t get in. So that was where his energy was going, which was starting to drive Mrs William’s a little bit mad as he was so focused on dance but that was how it was going to have to be. He hadn’t dropped his grades again, they just hadn’t improved over the past week, in Alec’s mind though getting into dance school was the most important step, if he didn’t do that then his grades wouldn’t matter at all. Once he was in, he could focus on them, get them up to standard. Now though, it was dance, dance, dance… and an audiologist’s appointment.</p><p>“Oh my god that schedule looks horrendous,” Magnus said as he leant over Alec’s shoulder to see the schedule that he had made for himself. “You’re going to burn out.”</p><p>“I won’t,” Alec said confidently as he underlined in purple AUDITION DAY in his diary, “This is half the amount of dance I’ll have to do if I get in, it’s nothing.”</p><p>Magnus rolled his eyes, “So dramatic. Anyway, there’s one major problem with this schedule of yours.”</p><p>Alec looked up at him confused, “No there isn’t, it’s perfect, I dance three hours a day and then have time for homework here and-”</p><p>“-Oh shush and let me finish. The problem is you haven’t scheduled in a time for our date this Saturday.”</p><p>“Our date?” Alec questioned, his heart racing as he tried to remember any possible situation that he could have interpreted as hanging out with Magnus when it was supposed to be a date.</p><p>“I can see that brain of yours working away, I’ll save you the hassle,” Magnus paused, his own heart rate starting to increase, “Do you want to go on a date with me Alexander?”</p><p>Alec paused. The words finally sinking in. The answer was of course, yes, it just wasn’t as simple as that. He wasn’t like Magnus, no one knew that he liked boys, he’d never been in a relationship, he’d never even had his first kiss and starting all of that now, in the middle of preparing for the biggest audition of his life seemed reckless. He looked up at Magnus who seemed slightly nervous as he shifted his weight between his feet, his hand gripping his arm a little too tightly.</p><p>“Magnus, I’m not… I’m not out to anyone, I-I don’t even know how you know?”</p><p>“Let’s call it intuition… we don’t have to tell anyone Alexander. It can be our little secret,” he breathed out slowly, grateful that his intuition had served him well. He hadn’t been rejected quite yet. “I could do with a break, especially after this appointment. I want to spend that break with you because I like you,” he trailed off, surprised at his own awkwardness.</p><p>Alec smiled, “I like you too,” he admitted. “Okay, you’re going to have to plan things though because I quite frankly do not have the time,” he said, very quickly changing the pace.</p><p>Magnus nodded, “I figured as much,” he paused, “You’re okay with this?”</p><p>“I am… I need to learn to be more accepting of myself. Just give me time to figure things out, it’ll be okay, right?”</p><p>“It’ll be okay,” Magnus said, squeezing his shoulder, “You should finish up though, you’re going to be late for breakfast.”</p><p>“I will.”</p><p>Alec watched as Magnus walked away, his stomach full of butterflies, almost like it was before a performance. Magnus had an incredible talent of being impossible to say no too, he was also undeniably attractive and his best friend, denying a date with someone that he knew he liked as more than a friend was stupid. He just had to figure out how he was going to come out and when he was going to do it. He swallowed the panic in his throat down and closed his diary. He didn’t have to worry about that now though, he couldn’t lose focus too much, not yet.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The long car ride to the hospital that afternoon was enough to cause Magnus to spiral, he could pretend that he was okay with the appointment as much as he liked up till the event but when it was actually about to happen there was no hiding his nerves. He wanted to get his blood sugar under control, he did, but it was frustrating, to have so many setbacks in so little time and for those setbacks to all be a result from someone else’s incompetence was hard to get his head around. More than that he knew that he needed to be honest which would only raise questions as to his father’s ability to parent and the school’s procedures when it came to medication. It was bound to be a complicated conversation and then there was the added worry that the three setbacks he had caused some sort of permanent damage. There were too many emotions going on in his head and every single one of them seemed to be fighting to take priority, he was overwhelmed and-</p><p>“-I’m going to be sick,” he said.</p><p>“Seriously?” Mrs William’s asked, glancing at Magnus in mirror and noticing how pale he’d gone.</p><p>“Seriously,” Magnus confirmed.</p><p>“Okay.” Mrs William’s pulled over the car to the side of the road and unlocked the doors.</p><p>Alec hadn’t really been aware of what was going on until Magnus’s head dove out of the car as he threw up on the pavement. Alec unbuckled his seatbelt and moved to the middle seat, rubbing Magnus’ back gently until he was done then scooted back once Magnus returned to a normal position.</p><p>“Sorry,” Magnus mumbled, closing the car door, “I guess I get car sick now.”</p><p>Alec watched as Magnus stared out of the window, whatever had just happened definitely wasn’t related to him being car sick, that wasn’t something that just happened out of the blue. There was something else going on, he was upset or worried and this was exactly what Alec hadn’t wanted to happen, for Magnus to bottle things up until he exploded or in this case, threw up. Alec took out a piece of chewing gum from his bag and handed the strip to Magnus. “It’s sugar free,” he confirmed.</p><p>“Thanks,” Magnus said putting it in his mouth and chewing slowly as he continued to stare out of the window.</p><p>“Magnus,” Alec said, waiting until he was facing him, “Are you okay?”</p><p>Magnus nodded, “Of course I am Alexander.”</p><p>Alec closed his eyes for a second before reaching out and taking hold of Magnus’ hand, “Are you okay?”</p><p>Magnus almost buckled at the contact, the softness of the question being asked the second time, he wasn’t used to people bothering to ask twice, bothering to search for the real answer. He swallowed the lump threatening to form in his throat, “I just want today to be over,” he moved his spare hand over Alec’s “Thank you, for asking.”</p><p>“Always,” Alec said, letting go, “You’ll be fine, you’re Magnus Bane for gods’ sakes.”</p><p>Magnus laughed slightly at the comment, “We’ll see about that I guess.”</p><p>One thing Magnus was grateful for was Mrs William’s poor directional skills which meant that they only just arrived at the hospital in time and that once they had dropped Alec off at the audiology department, they only had to wait a couple of minutes before Magnus was called in for his appointment. Which meant that he didn’t have to spend another half an hour worrying about what was going to happen.</p><p>“Hi Magnus, I’m Doctor Thistle. I know we haven’t met but I’m here to explain some test results to you and have a chat with you about your diabetes management in general, does that sound okay?”</p><p>“That’s fine. Is there anything wrong?” Magnus said, getting straight to the point.</p><p>Doctor Thistle smiled at Magnus, “You’re lucky Magnus, your kidneys are fine, your bloodwork seems all good, the only thing I would like to keep an eye on is your eyesight, now, it could be completely unrelated to your diabetes, but I do think your eyes are strained which could explain why your vision was on and off so much when you were admitted last week.”</p><p>“You don’t think it’s diabetic retinopathy?”</p><p>“I don’t. However, you clearly know a lot about potential complications of your condition, so we need to keep your eyes as healthy as possible, we’ll get them tested once we’re done chatting but the most important thing you can do is keep your blood sugar under control.”</p><p>Magnus looked down at the floor, “I know that. I am trying too; things just keep on going wrong.”</p><p>“I understand that last weeks episode was out of your control but what about the previous two?”</p><p>Magnus sighed, “I need to get my prescriptions changed so that they’re in my name. I asked my dad weeks before to pick them up, but he forgot… he works away a lot. I thought they were in the house and they weren’t, that’s why I got stuck. I manage things fine when I’m not relying on other people.”</p><p>Doctor Thistle nodded his head, hiding his own frustration that the boy had been put in such an awkward and unnecessary situation. “We’ll get that sorted. I do think you do a good job when you’re at school, I’ve looked at the readings you write down and I’m happy with them, we just need to prevent any other setbacks from occurring, do you agree?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course.”</p><p>“Good,” the doctor paused for a second, “How are you feeling about all of this? Do you find it stressful to manage?”</p><p>Magnus ran a hand through his hair, “Most of the time, no, it’s just when my blood sugar randomly dips or goes high despite me planning. It’s frustrating I want my levels to be as good as possible but it’s like my body won’t let me.”</p><p>“Okay,” Doctor Thistle said, “I want you to keep on doing what you’re doing Magnus but don’t worry as much. I can see what you mean about the odd spike or dip, but you are managing those effectively. You have to remember, you are a teenage boy, hormones, stress, all sorts of things really can affect how your body reacts and that’s something you have to deal with. What it isn’t worth though, is panicking over, aiming for perfect blood sugar every second of the day isn’t going to happen, we know that. Try your best and keep doing what you’re doing, that’s all you can do.”</p><p>Magnus looked up, forcing a smile at the Doctor, “So I’m going to be okay?”</p><p>“Yes, you’re going to be okay. I’ll walk you down to the optometry department now, okay?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Magnus breathed out a sigh of relief as he followed the Doctor across the hospital. He’d practically convinced himself that he was in kidney failure and that he had the early stages of diabetic retinopathy and to find out that his vision being strained sometimes could be an entirely separate issue was a relief to say the least. He was fine, everything was fine, as long as he stayed on track, like he usually did he didn’t need to worry. He smiled to himself as he entered the optometrist’s room, even if he did need glasses, it would be okay, his diabetes wasn’t attacking him and that was more than he could have hoped for.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>For the past couple hours after leaving his appointment and getting back to school Alec had felt like he was seconds away from either throwing up or having a complete meltdown. He hadn’t really learnt anything new in his appointment, his hearing loss had however, progressed slightly, something he hadn’t particularly noticed as he was wearing his hearing aids more often than not. Slightly was the right word to use as well, it wasn’t like he suddenly couldn’t hear at all or anything like that, but he had passed the threshold from having moderate – severe hearing loss and into having severe hearing loss. Dr Rowe had mentioned that he could potentially order a disability card if he wanted to and had also mentioned that wearing hearing aids as much as possible was going to have to be the way forward from now on. Which was all well and good, except Thanksgiving was coming up and he wasn’t sure he could ‘get away’ with just being quiet anymore, he was going to be asked questions about his future, interrogated on moving away from dance, and he wasn’t going to be able to get through it. Not easily anyway. His hearing aids had helped him ten-fold, but he’d got used to them now, which meant when he wasn’t wearing them, he felt as though he wasn’t a part of himself anymore, as though he was far away from everyone and couldn’t engage at all. It was a largely psychological issue but that plus his added stress about auditions meant that the odds were somewhat stacked against him to overcome a Thanksgiving at home with his parents.</p><p>Alec rubbed his eyes, trying to pull himself together before standing up from his seat at the table in the common room and tapping Magnus on the shoulder who had been sat watching the film that had been put on for everyone. “Come with me?” Alec asked.</p><p>Magnus looked at Alec suspiciously, “Okay,” he said, following Alec who seemed to be on a mission as he snaked down corridors, looking into music rooms and private study rooms until he found one that was empty and pushed the door open, “What’s going on?”</p><p>Alec sighed, “I need you to help me with something.”</p><p>“Help you with what?” Magnus watched as Alec paced back and forth across the room, “Alexander, calm down a second, what’s going on?”</p><p>“Thanksgiving is in a week and one day.”</p><p>“Good, you can read a calendar, what about it?”</p><p>“Don’t,” Alec stopped himself from snapping, “My parents still don’t know about my hearing aids, over the summer I managed to hide things just about… I don’t know if I can anymore.”</p><p>Magnus swallowed, unsure of what Alec wanted from him or what he was supposed to say, he couldn’t imagine keeping a secret like that, especially one that affected him in everything he did, he also knew how bad Alec’s hearing was without his hearing aids. Since they’d gotten to know one another there had been multiple times when Magnus had been sat right next to him and gotten no response because he wasn’t wearing them, if he was going to keep up the lie throughout Thanksgiving it was going to be a challenge.</p><p>“Okay. So, are you going to tell them? Maybe you could get Mr Garraway to do it for you, that might be easier.”</p><p>“They can’t find out. Not with my latest audiology report, they’ll send me somewhere else, to a different school… I can’t move schools now.”</p><p>“Surely they wouldn’t-”</p><p>“-Magnus, I know you’re trying to help, but you don’t know my parents.”</p><p>“Fine,” Magnus breathed out slowly, “What’s your plan then?”</p><p>“I need to work out what and when I can hear and then I need to practice lip reading, I know I use it already, but I need to get better,” Alec paused, “Can you help me?”</p><p>“The lip reading, sure. What do you mean though, what and when you can hear?”</p><p>Alec chewed on his lip, “If you just ask me to repeat what you said at different distances and when my backs to you, different volumes, that kind of thing.”</p><p>Magnus shook his head, “That’s a terrible idea Alexander. You know the extent of your hearing loss, you know it isn’t good without your hearing aids, why put yourself through it when you already know?”</p><p>“Magnus please, I just, I need to test it in real life not in an audiology booth, I’ve forgotten how bad it is.”</p><p>Magnus sighed, “You’re sure you want to try it?” he said, knowing he was going against his better instinct but also knowing that no matter how this conversation ended it was going to be with Alec upset or no better off than before.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Okay then.”</p><p>Alec took out his hearing aids and put them on the table smiling at Magnus, “Say something,” he asked.</p><p>“Everything will be okay?”</p><p>Alec swallowed, “Everything will be okay,” he repeated, his stomach dropping as he knew he was already relying on his lips. “Let’s try it when I’m not facing you.”</p><p>Magnus waited until Alec was stood facing the wall. “You’re perfect the way you are.” He took another step forward, so he was just over a metre away from him, “You’re perfect the way you are.” Another step. “You’re perfect the way you are.” He moved forward again noticing the tremble in Alec’s hand, “You’re perfect the way you are,” he said clearly.</p><p>Alec shook as Magnus’ breath tickled against his neck, “I’m so screwed,” he whispered to himself despite barely being able to hear his own voice.</p><p>Magnus moved so he was facing Alec, “Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea,” he said, reaching up and wiping the tears underneath Alec’s eyes with his thumbs then taking Alec by the hand as his body shook, encouraging him to sit down on the table. He sat down next to him, looked into Alec’s eyes then wrapped his arms around him, letting Alec’s head collapse onto his shoulder as he gently ran his hands through the back of his hair, hoping it would soothe him or at least make him feel a little bit better.</p><p>Alec pulled away after a few minutes, “I’m sorry,” he said, wiping his eyes, “I knew it was a bad idea, I knew it would upset me.”</p><p>Magnus nodded, “It’s okay,” he said, reaching over and picking up the hearing aids still sat on the table, handing them to Alec, waiting for him to put them in. “You’re perfect the way you are,” he said, squeezing Alec’s knee.</p><p>“That’s what you were saying?”</p><p>“It was and I never lie.”</p><p>Alec smiled then looked down a little, “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Magnus swallowed, “You’re upset Alexander-”</p><p>“-And you’re right by my side, the person I need.”</p><p>“We’ve not even had our first date.”</p><p>“It’s not like either of us stick to tradition.”</p><p>Magnus broke into a smile laughing slightly at how quickly things had changed. “Oh fuck it, why not?”</p><p>Alec grinned and moved towards Magnus, cupping his chin with his hand as he leant in and kissed, it didn’t last long but it wasn’t supposed to, like Magnus had said, they hadn’t been on a date yet. What they both knew from that moment though was that even when they were at their lowest, they would want each other, want to be comforted by each other and that in itself, was perfection.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p><p>Thanks for reading! Hope everyone is well </p><p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Ten </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t usually Magnus’ style to pace up and down to keep himself occupied but that was what he’d found himself doing as he waited at the bottom of the stairs of the boarding house for Alec to come down so they could get started on their date. He knew that Alec was a lot more reserved, a lot more unexperienced even when it came to the romantic side of teenagedom and he was cautious not to overwhelm him, especially with him not being out to anyone but him. If anything he was just grateful that Alec was giving him a chance and the only outcome he wanted from the date was for Alec to come away from it happy and considerably more relaxed than he had been since he received his audition invitation. He cared about Alec and that was enough for him to want to take things as slow as Alec needed him to, this was nothing like how his relationship with Camille started, it was different but most importantly he knew that it was better.</p>
<p>Magnus turned his head as a door opened upstairs revealing Alec who quickly bounded down the stairs to greet him, “Sorry I’m a bit late, Izzy started hounding me about auditions and school and stuff, I couldn’t get away.”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed, “That sounds awful,” he joked, surprised by the rigidness in his own voice, “Are you ready to go now?”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, looking at Magnus curiously, “Magnus Bane,” he said slowly, “Are you? Nervous?”</p>
<p>“Pfft,” Magnus said, knocking Alec on the shoulder, “I never get nervous, come on,” he said, exiting the building.</p>
<p>“Oh you totally are nervous, aw that’s so cute.”</p>
<p>Magnus turned on his heel, so he was back to facing Alec, “Just because <em>you’re</em> cute, doesn’t mean you get to tease me like this… anyway, this is your first date ever, aren’t you nervous?”</p>
<p>Alec shook his head, “I’m with you, it’s hard to be nervous when I’m with you.”</p>
<p>Magnus groaned.</p>
<p>“What?” Alec questioned, his lips turned up slightly at the corners.</p>
<p>“You’re just so innocent and adorable.”</p>
<p>Alec raised an eyebrow at Magnus, “Not too sure on how I feel about the adjectives you’re using to describe me, cute… adorable… I’m not a baby,” he grinned, “I’ll take it though. Where are we going?”</p>
<p>“Into the village, I thought we could walk and then get something to eat at that cute café and just chat about things. I’d try to be more inventive but unless we got the bus into town then there’s nothing much else to do around here.”</p>
<p>Alec smiled, “That sounds perfect,” he said as they walked off the school grounds. It did sound perfect as well, people from school rarely ventured into the village mainly because it was boring but also because the local residents often got annoyed when their home became overrun with school students. If it were just the two of them though, they would be fine, they’d be able to have time alone away from everyone to be together without fear of getting caught or having someone spread rumours about them. It was an idyllic plan for the afternoon which would give them both the opportunity to find out how they really felt about one another.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>About an hour later, spent chatting about anything and everything the two of them arrived at the small café that was situated on the edge of the village but looked out onto the lake. It was a wonder why the place had remained somewhat undiscovered it was beautiful, in the winter the lake frosted over enough for people to ice skate on it and in the summer, which was usually quite hot, it was filled with boats, paddleboarders, kayaks, you could even see the areas of the lake segmented off for summer camps. It was quaint, picturesque and it only made the both of them feel even more comfortable with one another, especially with how cosy the cage that they had entered was.</p>
<p>“What can I get for you both?” The waitress asked.</p>
<p>“I’ll get a latte and the chicken salad sandwich please,” Magnus said handing the menu back to her.</p>
<p>Alec looked up, “Erm, I’ll go with the BLT and a lemonade.”</p>
<p>“I’ll bring those right up.”</p>
<p>Magnus thanked the waitress and looked over at Alec, “Is it too noisy in here?”</p>
<p>Alec shook his head, “It’s not too bad,” he said, taking the radio out of his bag, “Do you mind wearing it?”</p>
<p>“Why would I mind?” Magnus said with a smile, he always had been baffled at Alec’s incessance to sacrifice things he needed in case he inconvenienced someone. He figured it came with the territory of being the oldest sibling, but he’d love to see Alec putting himself first for once, he deserved it after all, everyone did, sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling by the way, after Thursday?” Magnus asked, thanking the waitress again as she put their drinks down.</p>
<p>Alec took a sip, “You mean after my meltdown?”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t call it that Alexander,” Magnus said reassuringly.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it much… I have thought about our kiss though.”</p>
<p>Magnus grinned, “Oh have you now?”</p>
<p>“I have, particularly about how much I want to do it again.”</p>
<p>“Well, well, well, I didn’t expect you to be the one with the epic flirting game.”</p>
<p>“Seriously? I’m a dancer, romance is literally how I communicate.”</p>
<p>“That’s an interesting take for someone who’s never been in a relationship before.”</p>
<p>“I have on stage.”</p>
<p>“That definitely doesn’t count.”</p>
<p>“Are you complaining about my willingness and want to kiss you again? Because that doesn’t have to happen,” Alec taunted.</p>
<p>Magnus rolled his eyes, “Oh very clever, I guess we’ll have to see, if you play your cards right…”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>“Confidence. I like it.”</p>
<p>Alec took a bite from his sandwich that had just arrived and chewed it slowly, “You know Magnus, I feel like you know a lot about me, but I don’t know much about you.”</p>
<p>Magnus swallowed his own mouthful, “What do you want to know?”</p>
<p>“What are your plans after school, you’ve never mentioned them before.”</p>
<p>“I got early admission into Colombia University for English Language and Literature last year, so that’s the plan… after college, I have no idea.”</p>
<p>Alec almost spat out his drink, “You got into Colombia?”</p>
<p>Magnus grinned, “Yeah…”</p>
<p>“I forget you’re a literal genius.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t go that far Alexander.”</p>
<p>“If I got into Colombia, I think my parents would die of a heart attack. Yours must be so proud of you.”</p>
<p>Magnus ran his hand through his hair apprehensively at the mention of his parents, “Unfortunately, my father couldn’t care less. He’s not exactly an ‘involved’ parent.”</p>
<p>Alec waited a few seconds for Magnus to look back up at him, clearly the thought of his parents had sent him away for a few moments. “What do you mean?” Alec asked, “You don’t have to say if you don’t want to, I’m being nosy.”</p>
<p>Magnus shook his head, “No you’re not. My mother died when I was five and since then my father has always been distant, negligent at times, before he shipped me off to Alicante, I was put into foster care twice. I don’t know why he got his act together but he kind of did for a year and then decided that boarding school was the best option… over the holidays he just works, I don’t really see him anymore.”</p>
<p>“Shit Magnus, that’s rough. He just leaves you alone?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Magnus sighed, “Which was how I ended up in hospital twice this summer, because he <em>forgot</em> to pick up my insulin,” he said, the frustration evident in his voice.</p>
<p>“Magnus that’s terrible, you should have reported him, or said something-”</p>
<p>“-Alexander, you don’t understand. Alicante has been the best place for me, it’s consistency for the most part of the year and it’s a great school, I’ve achieved things here. If I reported my father, I would have been moved somewhere else, foster care, group homes, whatever, I wouldn’t have been in Alicante and been able to make the most of it. I’m pretty good at looking after myself, its worth it for being able to go here.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “I get it… what about Christmas though, what will you do then?”</p>
<p>Magnus shrugged, “Netflix can be great company,” he paused, “I’m used to this kind of thing, you don’t need to worry about me or anything like that.”</p>
<p>“I’m not worried about you; I just wish things were better for you.”</p>
<p>“Well, I wish things were better for you, it’s not like either of us are in particularly good positions at the moment.”</p>
<p>“No… We’ve got each other though.”</p>
<p>“Definitely,” Magnus said with a smile.</p>
<p>“I’m going to tell Izzy by the way.”</p>
<p>“Tell Izzy what?”</p>
<p>Alec swallowed, “That I’m gay and that I went on a date with you. If that’s okay?”</p>
<p>“Of course it is, just don’t feel you have to do anything or rush anything. This is your journey.”</p>
<p>“I know, but I said to myself that once I was eighteen, I needed to be more honest with myself, this is how I do that.”</p>
<p>Magnus grinned, “I’m glad that we can be like this.”</p>
<p>“Like what?”</p>
<p>“Open with one another, talking as if we’ve been best friends for years about things, we wouldn’t usually tell anyone about.”</p>
<p>“I like it too.”</p>
<p>The next half an hour went as their first had, the two of them chatting contently, barely coming up for hair as they joked with each other, talking about their childhood’s, their history, who they wanted to become. It was what they both needed, to be able to let loose and not worry about destroying their reputation or keeping up appearances, it was an afternoon for them to both be fully themselves.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus held Alec’s hand as they walked back to the school, he never though that he’d be the kind of person that would enjoy a long country walk but with Alec by his side he did, he appreciated the nature around him that was also aided by Alec pointing out every different bird sound that he heard. Apparently, birds tweeting was something he hadn’t heard in years before his hearing aids which meant that he appreciated them ten times more whenever he was out in nature. It was sweet, that he cared so much about everything, it instantly made Magnus’ heart fill up with warmth at how excitable Alec could be. You wouldn’t have guessed that Alec had a bit of a hyperactive side if you passed him in the street but when you really got know him it was clear that he was somewhat like a puppy. Full of energy and ready to spread that to everyone else around him. Which was why Magnus found himself pulling Alec off the main path through the forest and down a side one to a place that he hadn’t been in years. It had been his haven during his first year in Alicante, where he’d had to learn how to adjust to a new way of living, it was where he came to relax and reflect, and he wanted to share that with Alec.</p>
<p>“Where are you taking me?”</p>
<p>“I’m about to change your life,” Magnus responded without hesitating.</p>
<p>Alec laughed, “Okay Hamilton.”</p>
<p>Magnus turned and smiled at Alec, squeezing his hand, “I thought you’d like that,” he said as he pushed back a tree branch, “Home sweet home.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Alec said, taking in where they were, “Interesting.”</p>
<p>“Come on, sit down.”</p>
<p>Alec did as he was told. They were in some sort of a clearing probably only a few square metres big but there was an old bench in the middle of it. Alec looked up, the sky only just cracking through the thickness of the trees, it was like a blanket, hiding them away from the rest of the world.</p>
<p>“How did you find this place?”</p>
<p>“I’m an explorer Alexander, well I used to be, when I was eleven.”</p>
<p>“An explorer, I can see that.”</p>
<p>Magnus sat down on the bench next to him, their bodies touching ever so slightly, “So, about that kiss?” he asked, taking hold of Alec’s hand.</p>
<p>“What about it?” Alec teased.</p>
<p>Alec didn’t have a chance to say anything else as Magnus’ lips had suddenly connected with his own, his body pushed up against Alec’s as they moved together, their tongues navigating each other as they memorised each other’s bodies, learning what each other liked. They pulled away from each other, Alec’s hand gripping onto the back of Magnus’ shirt, Magnus’ hand resting underneath Alec’s t-shirt on his hip, causing goosebumps to form across his back.</p>
<p>“That was… nice,” Alec said catching his breath.</p>
<p>“Just nice?”</p>
<p>Alec grinned, “I think you know it was better than that.”</p>
<p>“Let’s stay here a bit, we don’t need to be back for another hour or so.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Alec said, not breaking eye contact with Magnus.</p>
<p>“Come here,” Magnus said, taking Alec’s hand and pulling him, urging him to slide next to him, “Can I hug you?”</p>
<p>Alec swallowed, the words seemed vulnerable as they came out of Magnus’ mouth like he thought wanting to hug him was a bad thing, or a weird suggestion. “Definitely,” Alec responded, resting his head in the crook of Magnus’ neck.</p>
<p>Magnus looked down at Alec’s head, the messy dark brown hair always seemed to fall perfectly, he put his hand around Alec’s back then reached up, massaging the back of his head gently, the other day it had soothed Alec and Magnus found it therapeutic to do so he had naturally fallen into the habit of doing it again.</p>
<p>“This feels so good,” Alec said.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you like it,” Magnus continued running his hand through his hair, stopping slightly as he accidentally brushed up against a hearing aid, “Sorry I-”</p>
<p>“-It’s okay,” Alec turned around, so he was facing Magnus again, “I appreciate you so much, you know that, right?”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “I appreciate you too Alexander.”</p>
<p>Alec put his hand in his pocket, “Have you seen my phone?” he asked, checking his other pockets for it.</p>
<p>“I think you put it in your backpack.”</p>
<p>Alec picked up his backpack off the floor and rummaged around in it until he found it, “What would I do without you?” he said, turning it on to check it quickly, “Shit.”</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“Izzy’s been calling me, I have like 20 missed calls.”</p>
<p>Magnus sat up properly, noticing the shake in Alec’s hand as he called his sister back. He put his hand on his thigh, squeezing it reassuringly.</p>
<p>“Iz? What’s going on?” Alec asked down the phone.</p>
<p>“Where the hell are you Alec? I’ve been calling and calling-”</p>
<p>“-I know,” Alec breathed out to compose himself, “I didn’t hear my phone, it’s on silent but I have it on vibrate but I put it in my bag so I couldn’t feel it go off. Izzy what’s happening?”</p>
<p>Izzy sighed, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten mad. Alec, Mum’s here… she knows.”</p>
<p>“Mum’s where?” Alec questioned, his heart rate instantly increasing.</p>
<p>“She’s at school, she’s going off it with Mr Garraway, you need to get here quickly.”</p>
<p>“Okay, okay,” Alec swallowed the panic in his throat, “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”</p>
<p>“I’ll try calm her down for you.”</p>
<p>Alec hung up the phone then turned to face Magnus, throwing himself at him as he hugged him is tight as he could, grateful for him simply being there as he ran his hands up and down his back. After a few seconds he pulled away, “Sorry, I just-”</p>
<p>“-Needed a hug?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alec opened up his bag and pulled out his hearing aids case, “I need to get back to school.”</p>
<p>“Alec don’t take them out. If your Mum already knows…”</p>
<p>It was too late as Alec put them back in their case, “Let’s go,” he said, standing up and retracing their path through the trees until they were on the main path again.</p>
<p>It was hard for Alec to breathe as he rushed back to the boarding house, Magnus following as quickly as he could behind him. Everything seemed to be crumbling around him, his whole world could completely explode in one conversation with his mother. He didn’t know what to expect, whether she would accept the fact that he couldn’t hear but send him off to a different school or whether she’d deny it, take away his hearing aids, scream at him. He stopped walking, bending over himself and coughing, almost throwing up, comforted by Magnus’ hand on his back. He stood up and continued, he had to deny it, deny it until he couldn’t anymore, that had been a motto for as long as he could remember he was going to have to stick to it. He looked up at the boarding house as he approached the building, his stomach in knots as he took a deep breath and composed himself, the only way to deal with his mother was stoicism. He wiped his face of emotion and turned to face Magnus.</p>
<p>“Stay with me?”</p>
<p>“Always.”</p>
<p>Alec opened the door and headed inside.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>Thank you so much for all your lovely comments on the last chapter, I'm glad that people seem to be enjoying it! <br/>As always thank you for reading! </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Eleven</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fear of the unknown is a terrifying thing, the worry of stepping into potential danger or confrontation has been something that has been around since the beginning of time and is a feeling that everyone has experienced. That experience could come from walking into an audition, taking a test, starting a new job, or even just trying a new food, for Alec it had been getting his hearing tested, actually wearing his hearing aids and countless auditions for parts over the year. Right now, the fear of the unknown came from a different place all together, he was fearful about what his mother was going to say, how she was going to react, he was scared, anxious over what the person who was supposed to love him unconditionally would do now that she had potentially found out about his hearing loss. That wasn’t something he wanted to be fearing, he didn’t want to have to fear the unknown regarding a conversation with his mother, yet here he was, dragging himself up the stairs to Mr Garraway’s office, wondering about what his future now held.</p>
<p>Alec glanced back at Magnus who had followed him up the office, he’d wanted him to stay with him, but he was doubting that decision, his mum wouldn’t appreciate it and if Izzy were in there, she would back him up anyway. “I’ll find you later,” he said as calmly as he could.</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, jumping slightly at the raised voice of a woman, who he could only assume was Alec’s mother started shouting about parent privilege. “Alexander,” Magnus said, putting a hand on his shoulder making sure he was looking at him, “Stand your ground in there.”</p>
<p>“Y-yeah,” Alec said, turning around and knocking on the door before entering.</p>
<p>Time seemed to stand still for a second as the room turned to face him, Mr Garraway was sat behind his desk, clearly flustered by all that had gone on. Izzy looked as though she was about to scream at their mother who had finally turned to face him, her hands resting on Mr Garraway’s desk, her face fuller of thunder than he had ever seen before. He swallowed. This was going to be impossible to negotiate, he was going to miss the conversation, be guessing what was going on, he breathed out slowly.</p>
<p>“Hi Mum.”</p>
<p>“Alec,” his mum said, his name coming out of her mouth like a breath, like it didn’t deserve anymore than being part of what she was doing anyway, “Care to explain yourself.”</p>
<p>Panic started to rise in his throat, he wasn’t paying enough attention to his mother and she wasn’t speaking as clearly as his friends did when they were around him, he hadn’t made out what she said at all which was only cause him to panic more. He was in a downward spiral already; he had no chance. “What’s going on?” he asked, his throat dry as he hoped it was an appropriate response.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you tell me son?” Maryse, his mother, snapped. Thrusting a piece of paper into his hands.</p>
<p>Alec scanned the paper, his stomach dropping even more than it already had. It was an invoice that had come through on his parent’s health insurance that he was a part of, clearly indicating the cost of his audiology appointments and hearing aids and the deductions that had been made. He didn’t know why this hadn’t crossed his mind, he knew that appointments were confidential, and the piece of paper didn’t give away any personal information about his results or anything, but it did outline the charges. He hadn’t even considered that an invoice would be sent to his parents and he felt stupid for not thinking about it, he’d put himself in this situation through his own ignorance of how their family insurance plan worked. If he’d been smarter then maybe he could have avoided this confrontation all together.</p>
<p>“We don’t use crutches in this family Alec. We suck it up and get on with it-”</p>
<p>“-Mum, he can’t hear you!” Izzy said. She’d spent the past half an hour trying to get her mother to understand that Alec wasn’t just wearing the hearing aids for the fun of it, or as a ‘crutch’, whatever that was supposed to mean, she’d tried to convince her that Alec needed them to function, they were a necessity, but it was like talking to a brick wall.</p>
<p>“Alec! Listen to me!” Maryse said, louder this time, reaching out and waving her hand in front of her son’s face. “Alec!” she said louder this time.</p>
<p>Alec jumped at the sound of his name, “Mum, this isn’t a big deal.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t a big deal? You’ve snuck behind our back to get these stupid hearing aids, that you’re not even wearing. Your teachers are hiding information from us and now you’re saying it isn’t a big deal? This is what we mean when we tell you to work harder-”</p>
<p>“Mrs Lightwood, I assure you Alec has been working incredibly hard this term, you should be proud-”</p>
<p>“-No, <em>you</em> don’t get to talk,” Maryse said, interrupting Mr Garraway, “He is my son. These hearing aids are an excuse, a ploy for him to get more leniency when it comes to academics, that is not how we behave as Lightwoods. We work hard, without any cheats.”</p>
<p>“For fucks sake!” Izzy said, “Look at him!”</p>
<p>Maryse turned to look at Alec who had shrunk back against the wall. Izzy took a deep breath, forcing a smile at him, hoping she could give him some reassurance.</p>
<p>“Have you even seen his audiology report?” Izzy asked, her voice calmer and more measured. She walked over to Alec, “Do you have your hearing aids?” she said, slowing her pace slightly, something that she had gotten used to with Alec, but her mum hadn’t.</p>
<p>“Y-yeah,” Alec said, somewhat defeated. He’d missed the majority of the conversation, but it was clear that his mum knew and there was no reversing that.</p>
<p>“Put them in.”</p>
<p>“Isabelle”- Maryse reprimanded.</p>
<p>“Go on,” Izzy said, leaning in and giving her brother a hug, trying to transfer some of her courage into him.</p>
<p>Alec sighed and opened up his bag, taking out the hearing aids and putting them in, instantly feeling a little bit more normal as sounds entered his ears once more.</p>
<p>“Do you have a copy of your audiology report on your phone?” Izzy asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Maryse watched as her children searched through Alec’s phone, even she couldn’t deny the difference with the hearing aids in, but that didn’t make it okay. He’d gone behind her back, made all these big decision without approval from his family, that wasn’t what a son should do, especially one that already had so much to prove.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you explain it to your mother Alec?” Mr Garraway asked.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Alec said, he felt calmer now, slightly numb maybe, he’d lost control in this situation so cooperating was his only option for now. “So, this shows I have severe hearing loss, which is legally classed as a disability-”</p>
<p>“-You’re not disabled Alec,” Maryse said, her tone firm.</p>
<p>Alec sighed, “To be honest Mum, I don’t feel like I am either and I don’t have to use that term if I don’t want to… it’s just medically, that’s where my hearing loss fits.” He scrolled down on his phone, “These percentages show my speech recall with and without hearing aids, this shows my speech in noise scores, that’s where I struggle the most,” he paused, “That’s pretty much everything,” he finished, his voice shaking slightly as he put his phone back in his pocket.</p>
<p>Maryse sighed, “Fine. If you genuinely can’t hear then we need to get you enrolled elsewhere, a school for the deaf maybe, somewhere that will get your grades up to your sibling’s standards. At least then you might get a half decent job, although employability is going to be a challenge if you insist on wearing <em>them</em> all the time.”</p>
<p>“I’m not moving schools. I don’t need any more support Mum; I’m doing fine.”</p>
<p>Maryse shook her head, “People will talk Alec.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care if they do. I’m not leaving.”</p>
<p>“Mrs Lightwood, we can fully support Alec here, we have the resources.”</p>
<p>“You can’t make him leave Mum, come on, that’s ridiculous.”</p>
<p>Maryse turned to face Izzy, “Isabelle stay out of this. Alec, go pack a bag, we’re leaving.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“What did you just say?”</p>
<p>Izzy grinned at Alec, proud of his stubbornness coming through, “I think he said no.”</p>
<p>“I’m on a full board scholarship here so you’re not paying anything anyway and I’m eighteen, an adult, so you can’t make me leave.”</p>
<p>Maryse took a measured breath, “Alec I suggest you check your attitude.”</p>
<p>“That’s right though, Mr Garraway, she can’t make me leave?”</p>
<p>Mr Garraway nodded, “She can’t, no,” he confirmed, trying not to smile. This wasn’t how he expected the conversation to go, Alec wasn’t exactly the stand your ground type and it was nice to see him being so stubborn.</p>
<p>“Alec,” Maryse warned.</p>
<p>“I think we’re done here,” Alec said coolly, “I’m going to go now, I have things to do. Come on Iz.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you dare walk out of here!”</p>
<p>Alec turned around and pushed open the door, taking another deep breath as he turned his head, “I’m gay too by the way. Thought you might want to know.” He swallowed as the door closed behind him and turned to Izzy who had a slightly shocked expression on her face.</p>
<p>“You’re gay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Izzy grinned, “That was the most badass thing you’ve ever done.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, the reality of the move he’d just made setting in, “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he said. Swallowing down the bile that was forming in his throat. He’d potentially just ruined his relationship with his family forever, but he was going to have to suck it up, there were more important things to deal with at the moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alec! Izzy!” Jace said, jogging down the corridor to catch up with his siblings, his forehead dripping with sweat from the practice that he’d just done. He hadn’t even known that his mother had come up to the school until five minutes ago when Magnus had run down to find him panicked out of his mind about what was going to happen. He knew that he had to go up and find them, support his brother about whatever was happening, his mother always had a sweet spot for him, if anyone was going to talk her down from her stance it was him.</p>
<p>Izzy turned around at the sound of her brother’s voice, waiting for him to catch up, “Have you heard?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I know Mum’s here, but I don’t know why. What’s going on?”</p>
<p>Alec shifted his weight between his feet, “Can we go sit down somewhere, I feel like I’m going to pass out.”</p>
<p>Izzy nodded, a concerned expression on her face, “Sure, lets go to the common room.”</p>
<p>Jace looked between the two of them, Alec did look as though he could pass out at any moment, as though he was in shock over something. He expected him to be upset, or emotionless as Alec so often was, this was different though, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen that expression of panic on his face before, as though he had just made the biggest decision of his life. Jace followed the two of them into the common room, grateful that it was relatively empty and that no one in their year was in there at that time. He sat down in the armchair, his eyes watching Alec carefully as his brother collapsed into the sofa, then leant forward with his head in his hands.</p>
<p>“Is someone going to tell me what’s going on?” Jace asked, his tone firm but not failing to show how concerned he was about how his brother was acting.</p>
<p>“Do you want to tell him, or should I?” Izzy asked.</p>
<p>“Go ahead,” Alec said, sitting up now.</p>
<p>“Mum received an invoice for Alec’s hearing aids through the health insurance. Obviously, this sent her into some blind rage causing her to drive up to the school and take out all of her issues on Mr Garraway,” Izzy paused, resetting herself before she got carried away, “She said some shitty stuff to Alec, although I’m not sure he heard-”</p>
<p>“-What did she say?” Alec said, his head turning sharply at the new information.</p>
<p>Izzy sighed, “That they were an excuse basically, a way for you to get leniency in school, like most things to come out of her mouth, a load of bullshit.”</p>
<p>Alec took a measured breath, the information didn’t exactly surprise him, but it was hard to hear.</p>
<p>“God she’s so out of touch,” Jace said, running a hand through his hair.</p>
<p>“Anyway, I told her Alec couldn’t hear. Then Alec put his hearing aids in, showed her his audiogram and she kind of realised it was bad… then she said that Alec was moving schools, that Alicante didn’t have the resources for someone like him,” Izzy looked at Alec for reassurance, “She implied Alec would never get a decent job if he didn’t get his grades up, anyway, like I said, bullshit. The most important part of this is Alec’s badass move.”</p>
<p>Jace raised an eyebrow, “Alec’s badass move?”</p>
<p>“You tell him Alec.”</p>
<p>“I said I wouldn’t leave. I’m eighteen and on a full board scholarship. I don’t need her permission to be here, so basically, I’m staying… I’m just not sure I’m welcome back home for Thanksgiving.”</p>
<p>Jace nodded, “We’ll all stay at school for it then. Thanksgiving back home is more like torture anyway.”</p>
<p>Alec shook his head, “No. You two are both going. I need time to practice for Julliard anyway, Magnus is staying too, it’ll be fine, I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“You’re not going to budge on this?” Jace confirmed.</p>
<p>“I’m not no.”  </p>
<p>“So, Alec, speaking of Magnus… you were with him this afternoon?”</p>
<p>Alec couldn’t help but smile at not only the comment but how good his afternoon had been prior to his altercation with his mother, “I was.”</p>
<p>“Alec come on, tell Jace your news.”</p>
<p>Alec laughed, “I came out to Mum, kind of dramatically as well.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Jace said, taking a second to process the news, “And you’re dating Magnus?”</p>
<p>“No… well, not officially.”</p>
<p>Jace smiled, “I’m happy for you. At least something positive is coming out of all of this.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I suppose so,” Alec stood up, “I need to go practice,” he said heading out of the room.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure how he felt about everything that had gone on, he wasn’t convinced it was a good thing or a bad thing but whatever it was it had come with a whole lot of emotions that he didn’t really know how to express. That was why he had ended up in the dance studio, his place of comfort, he needed to practice anyway but more importantly he needed a release before he exploded, he wanted to protect his siblings, and discussing how he felt in detail with them wasn’t going to do that. They deserved to have a wholly positive relationship with their parents, he couldn’t take that away from him, so he was going to deal with it himself, and the only way he knew how to do that was through dance.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Being a Lightwood was a challenge on its own, regardless of having any extra challenges on top of that, and it was those extra challenges plus the altercation with their Mum that made Izzy ten times more concerned for Alec than she had been a few hours later. Her brother had already had a lot on his plate with auditions practically taking over his life and the upcoming performance of Billy Elliot, neither of which he talked about much. This though, was entirely different, if Izzy were going through the same thing, she wasn’t sure how she’d cope and Alec, well he wasn’t exactly an open book and that worried her. He was going to keep everything inside of him until it was too much, she’d never seen him explode before, he usually calmed down through dance, but he’d also never had his family relationships on the line like this. There was no telling how he was really feeling or how he was planning on coping, he needed support, which was why Izzy had found herself sat with Magnus during dinner. She needed to warn him of what Alec was going through, she liked Magnus and she knew that he would do the most he could to stop Alec from freaking out or breaking down, he could be there for him in a totally different way to how she could be there for him. Alec needed that.</p>
<p>Izzy swallowed her mouthful of food, “You haven’t seen him come in here have you?” she asked Magnus. She’d just spent the past five minutes giving Magnus a rundown of the information that she felt she could share on Alec’s behalf and had realised that Alec hadn’t returned to the studio in time for dinner. It wasn’t a terrible sign, but it wasn’t a good one, Alec never missed meals and if he’d got so wrapped up in dance that he’d lost track of time then it suggested he had a lot that he needed to think about.</p>
<p>“I’ll bring him something to the dorm, he probably just needs more time.”</p>
<p>Izzy nodded, “Yeah, I’m sure he does,” she sighed, “God this is such a mess. He’s not even coming home for Thanksgiving anymore.”</p>
<p>“I’ll look after him Isabelle,” Magnus said, reaching over the table and squeezing her hand, “He’s made of tough stuff your bother, don’t underestimate him.”</p>
<p>“I know he is; this just feels different.”</p>
<p>Magnus smiled, “You’re right, it is different but so are his circumstances here, in school. He has people to support him now, me, you and Jace, Simon, Clary, Aline, he’s got us as a buffer, that could change everything for him,” Magnus said, knowing that the words he was speaking made sense but also worried that maybe that wasn’t enough. </p>
<p>“That’s true, Mum might come round anyway? Things will sort themselves out, they have to.”</p>
<p>“Exactly,” Magnus said reassuringly, “Listen, I’m going to have to go. I’m tutoring Harry this evening but text me if you need anything Isabelle. I’ll keep an eye on Alec tonight.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Magnus,” Izzy said.</p>
<p>Magnus got up to leave, his mind racing about what Izzy had told him. He knew what it was like to feel like you’ve lost your family, he’d experienced that years ago and it wasn’t an easy thing to comprehend at any age. What Alec was struggling to fathom was how irrational Alec’s mother seemed to be about Alec’s situation, Alec had correctly predicted her response to finding out about his hearing loss and Magnus had struggled to believe that his mother would suggest those things. She had though, all Magnus could hope was that Alec hadn’t taken them as law because they were far from the truth. All he could do though was be there for Alec, he had so much to deal with right now and he wanted to be the person that he could offload on. He cared about him so much and all he wanted was for him to be happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>Thanks for reading! Sorry about the cliffhanger in the last chapter, I just couldn't help myself! I also can't promise there won't be any more in the future haha. </p>
<p>Hope everyone is well and safe </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Twelve </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was the familiar feel of a backstage bustle as Alec got himself ready for the performance of Billy Elliot that was about to commence, it was a feeling that he enjoyed, the anticipation of a show being about to start, the sound of the audience filling up the theatre, the panicked rushing around to find the right parts for a costume or pieces of staging, he loved it, he was in his element. His main part of the show wasn’t till the second act, which meant that he was using this time to make sure the rest of the cast, most of which were younger than him, were ready and prepared for when the curtain dropped.</p>
<p>Alec watched Harry as he peeped his head through the side of the curtain, eyeing up the audience and probably making himself a whole lot more nervous than he already was. Not that Alec could judge him for it, he’d done the exact same thing the first time he was on stage and he’d been just as nervous. It was a big moment for the kid, this was the start of his legacy and his story when it came to dance at Alicante whereas Alec was at the end of his, like he’d said before, a full circle moment. Harry took a step back from the curtain his hands shaking a little as he turned around and headed towards Alec.</p>
<p>“First performance nerves?” Alec asked.</p>
<p>Harry nodded, “I don’t think I can do it, I’m not good enough for this.”</p>
<p>“Hey,” Alec said, putting a hand on the boy’s shoulder, “You’re more than good enough for this. Your dancing is flawless, and you’ve practiced so much it’s practically muscle memory now, your voice is beautiful, and your acting will blow them away. You’ll do great bud.”</p>
<p>Harry closed his eyes tightly like he was blocking the nerves out then opened them again, “How long now?”</p>
<p>Alec checked his phone, “five minutes, are you all warmed up?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Good, I’ll be in the wings watching, you’ve got this.”</p>
<p>“Omg I made it in time!”</p>
<p>Alec turned as Magnus appeared out of nowhere, “How did you get in here?”</p>
<p>“Pure talent. I wanted to wish you boys luck,” Magnus said, kneeling down to Harry’s level and putting his hands on his shoulders, “You are going to do an incredible job Harry and, I know you will Alexander,” he said, standing up, looking around and planting a peck on his cheek.</p>
<p>“Thanks, you’re going to have to go though. You’ll lose your seat if they close the doors.”</p>
<p>Magnus smiled, “I know. Break a leg the both of you,” he said, running back from where he came from, which was probably the audience.</p>
<p>It was Alec’s turn to kneel down to Harry’s height now as the music started to play and the curtain lifted. Harry had a couple of minutes before he had to enter the stage, “Remember, this is what you’re here for, project, be confident, but most of all, have fun,” he said.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Harry whispered, standing at his entrance spot.</p>
<p>“Good luck bud,” Alec responded before stepping back so he wasn’t in the way of everyone, watching from the sides.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Billy, do you know why we’re on strike like?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s that new Maggie Thatcher isn’t it?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Maggie Thatcher? Why? What she do like?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fucked if I know.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“See you at boxing then?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah, see you Michael.” </em>
</p>
<p>Alec breathed a sigh of relief; he could tell that Harry was settled into his role now. They’d rehearsed the show so much it was a second nature to him; he was going to do amazingly.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus couldn’t take his eyes off the stage for the whole performance, he was proud of both of his boys up on that stage doing what they did best. Harry for having the confidence for carrying on, putting his all into his character despite the grief he was getting from his fellow classmates and Alec for simply being the incredible dancer that he is and for encouraging Harry to ignore what everyone was saying and do what he loved. Magnus glanced over at Izzy as the lead up to the dream ballet began, he’d watched the two of them in rehearsals enough to know the play back-to-back, but this was Alec’s big moment, and he couldn’t wait. There was a gasp from the audience as Alec entered the stage and began mirroring Harry’s movements and a smile crossed Magnus’ face. There was something about Alec that changed whenever he was on stage, all the reservation and self-doubt that he delt with on the daily disappeared as he took the performance in his stride, the confidence oozing out of him in a way that only made him more attractive. The audience gasped again as Harry was lifted into the sky, the harness barely visible making the boy look as though he was flying. The dance was incredible, magical even, which was exactly how it should have been.</p>
<p>Backstage was a completely different atmosphere now that the performance was over, it was still busy and ridiculously overcrowded but it was clear that everyone was happy, celebrating the success of the show and how the theatre had sold out. There was also the excitement about the three-day break that started tomorrow for Thanksgiving, they’d effectively made it through the first half of the semester which was the perfect excuse for a celebration.</p>
<p>Magnus spotted Alec, sitting with Harry who was slumped against Alec’s shoulder, clearly exhausted from the performance. He crept up behind them, “That was so sexy,” he whispered in Alec’s ear causing Alec to turn around sharply.</p>
<p>“Jesus Magnus, are you trying to give me a heart attack?”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed, “I would never. Anyway, these are for both of you wonderful incredibly talented gentlemen,” he said, revealing two bouquets of flowers from behind his back. “For the amazing Billy Elliot,” he handed a bouquet to Harry, “and his older self,” he said, giving the second bouquet to Alec.</p>
<p>Alec grinned then nudged Harry, “Hey, look at you with your first bouquet of performance flowers. How do you feel?”</p>
<p>“Pretty good,” Harry admitted.</p>
<p>“And so you should. Hey,” he said putting a hand on Alec’s shoulder, “How about we go somewhere quieter? It’s hot in here,” he suggested, noting the slightly furrowed brow on Alec’s face that usually meant he was putting his all into concentrating. “You’re staying for Thanksgiving, aren’t you Harry?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, there’s nowhere else for me to go.”</p>
<p>“Good, we can all celebrate together then. Although we’ll have to let Ragnor tag along with us as well.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like a plan,” Alec said standing up, “I’ll go grab my stuff. Then maybe we can beg Mr Garraway for some celebratory ice cream before bed Harry?”</p>
<p>Harry nodded his head eagerly, “Definitely!”</p>
<p>“I’ll meet you both outside then,” Alec said, heading into the changing room backstage where he’s left his stuff.</p>
<p>The changing room or dressing room as it technically was (despite it’s strong changing room smell) was messy to say the least, there were leotards all over the floor, probably from quick changes and there was a whole lot of left open make up. Alec’s section though, was organised, as usual something that he appreciated about himself as he couldn’t imagine wanting to come back to such a large amount of chaos. He opened up his bag and took out a pair of sweats and a hoodie, putting them on over his costume then putting his bag on his back, turning to go and find Magnus and Harry. He jumped slightly at the presence of a man who he didn’t know standing at the door who started signing something to him.</p>
<p>Alec swallowed, “Sorry, I erm, I don’t speak sign language, I’m planning on learning next term but, yeah, sorry…” he trailed off.</p>
<p>The man smiled, “Apologies, I assumed. I’ve not had a chance to actually use ASL before, I learnt it over the summer one year as a challenge, but it’s not exactly stayed fresh in my mind. For all I know I could have been making no sense at all.”  </p>
<p>“That’s okay,” Alec said, smiling back at the man, “Can I help you with anything?”</p>
<p>“You’re Alexander Lightwood, correct?”</p>
<p>“I am, yes.”</p>
<p>“My name is Justin Deacon, I’m one of the dance masters at Julliard. I wanted to commend you on your performance this evening, it was flawless.”</p>
<p>Alec almost passed out at the news, the last thing he was expecting was someone from Julliard to be watching his performance, “Thank you sir,” he said, his brain instantly sending him into the professional and refined version of himself that had been drilled into him ever since he was a child. The memories of his father saying, ‘<em>there is a certain way to behave around those that are superior to you</em>,’ whenever they were at any event.</p>
<p>“I hear you have an audition at our establishment coming up?”</p>
<p>“Yes, it’s in a week sir.”</p>
<p>The man nodded, “I am sure you will do spectacularly, good luck,” he said, turning around and leaving the room and leaving Alec in a state of shock.</p>
<p>Alec steadied himself, he’d heard rumours of Julliard professors and dance instructors from other prestigious schools going undercover at their school’s performances, but he’d never quite believed that it was true. He figured it made sense though, Alicante was known for producing quality dancers so why wouldn’t schools want to see the candidate pool, it was just like when recruiters watched sports games to find people for scholarships. He breathed out slowly, there was no point dwelling on the conversation, he hadn’t said anything polarising, he’d stayed neutral so there was no way that one conversation could have jeopardised his chances and he’d been given a compliment. He stopped himself and left the room. Overthinking was one of his worst habits, he needed to move on and remain focused on the actual audition, not one two-minute conversation.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus collapsed down on the sofa with Harry sat next to him on one side and Alec the other, the two boys each eating a bowl of ice-cream something that he’d declined as it was way too late at night for him to be raising his blood sugar. He could tell that Alec was in one of his thoughtful moods, his mind was completely elsewhere which Magnus was kind of used to seeing, it wasn’t unexpected either, Alec had spent most of his life in the company of his own thoughts, this was just a part of who he was. The door opened revealing Izzy and Jace who sat down on the opposite sofa, both of them looking as though they had something to say.</p>
<p>“Hey Harry, you did a great job tonight bud,” Jace said, glancing over at his brother who was clearly avoiding eye contact.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Harry said, putting his bowl on the coffee table.</p>
<p>“Do you think you could sneak me some of that ice-cream, it looks good.”</p>
<p>Harry nodded, “Sure,” he said getting up.</p>
<p>Izzy waited until Harry was out of the room before saying what she needed to say. “Alec,” she started, waiting for him to register that they were going to have a conversation whether he liked it or not. “We think you should come back for Thanksgiving; the bus is at 8am tomorrow morning, there’s still time.”</p>
<p>Alec sighed, “We?”</p>
<p>Jace cleared his throat, “Yeah, I do too.”</p>
<p>“I won’t be wanted there; it’ll ruin the whole holiday for you and for me.”</p>
<p>Izzy nodded, “So what? At least we’ll be together.”</p>
<p>“Exactly, we’ve got your back Alec, Lightwood’s stick together remember?”</p>
<p>Alec chewed on his lip apprehensively, he was so tempted to cave, it was what his siblings wanted, and he was so used to just going with the majority, but this felt different. The things that his mother had said had targeted him and him only and they were more than insensitive, they were tough to hear, to process and he knew that he needed time. “I just, I need time to deal with all of this. It’s not the same as when she gets mad at me for sticking with dance, she,” he paused, “I’m just not ready, sorry.”</p>
<p>Jace stood up, “So you’re just going to leave us to deal with it on our own?” he said, his tone harsher than Alec would have felt comfortable with.</p>
<p>“That’s out of line,” Magnus said, his presence in the room only just making an appearance in the conversation as before that he figured the discussion needed to be between the three of them. He wasn’t going to let Jace blame Alec or put pressure on him for the situation they were in, that was uncalled for and it wasn’t a stress that Alec needed.</p>
<p>“Magnus, no offence but this is none of your business.”</p>
<p>Izzy groaned, “Don’t be rude Jace,” she looked at Alec who looked exhausted by the whole situation, “You could make amends with Mum Alec, things could get better.”</p>
<p>Alec ran a hand through his hair, “Izzy, I know you’re trying to help but, I don’t know if I want to make amends with her, not yet anyway. She said some horrible stuff, I need time-”</p>
<p>“-So as usual you’re going to deal with it by yourself and leave us to try and stop Mum from losing her mind.”</p>
<p>Alec stood up now, squaring up to Jace, “As usual? Are you serious? All I do is try and protect the both of you from Mum’s stupid ideals. I need a break. I’m not going back for Thanksgiving, end of.”</p>
<p>Jace rolled his eyes, guilt eating him up slightly but his stubbornness causing him to turn around and walk out of the room.</p>
<p>Izzy headed towards Alec and gave him a hug, “He’ll get over it. We will miss you though.”</p>
<p>Alec softened, relaxing himself slightly, “I’ll miss you too,” he said, letting go and collapsing back down onto the couch as Izzy left the room.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Magnus asked, squeezing Alec’s thigh.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alec said, forcing a smile at Magnus, “I’m with you, aren’t I?”</p>
<p>“That you are.”</p>
<p>“I just need a moment.”</p>
<p>Magnus watched as Alec took his hearing aids out and put them in their case, he’d seen him do this a couple of times before, taking his hearing aids out so he could be alone with his thoughts without any distractions. Like he found it peaceful, relaxing even. Magnus took hold of Alec’s hand and pulled him towards him, so his body was now resting on top of his own, Magnus’ arms draped over Alec’s chest playing lightly with his hands as he traced over them. He leant down kissing the top of his forehead, hoping that too would bring him comfort. He admired Alec’s stubbornness in this situation, it was clear he wasn’t used to standing his ground when it came to his siblings that he was happy to give his all to them most of the time. It was nice to see him doing something for his self for once. Yes, it was a difficult decision for him and was probably causing him a whole lot of stress, but Magnus felt it was the right one. There was still Christmas if he wanted to go back then, right now though, he needed to learn that it was okay to be angry at your family, especially when they had been so horrible as they had been to Alec. Magnus kissed the top of Alec’s head again, hoping that he wasn’t too wound up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>I know i say this every time i post but thank you so much for reading and leaving all your lovely comments, I really appreciate it! </p>
<p>I hope you are all well, </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Thirteen </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The dorm felt completely different now that the Thanksgiving break was over, as though it was suddenly jam packed with people, to the extent where it was almost overcrowded. For the past three days it had just been Alec, Magnus and Ragnor (who had moved in with them, so he wasn’t alone in his dorm), which had given them all a lot more freedom. Thanksgiving itself had been different as well, there were about 20 students that hadn’t gone home for the holiday, the school had put on a dinner for them then most people had headed to the common room for boardgames and movies. It had been quite enjoyable, but it wasn’t the same as being at home, not for Alec anyway.</p>
<p>Alec dragged himself out of bed and started getting ready for the day, Magnus was already up, probably checking in with Mr Garraway and Simon had gone off to the music rooms to get some practice in. Alec pulled on a hoodie, he was about to do the same down in the studio, they had half an hour before breakfast and with his audition three days away, he needed to squeeze in all the practice that he could get.</p>
<p>“Raj?” Alec asked, stopping himself before leaving the dorm, “Is it true Jonathon’s coming back today?”</p>
<p>Raj nodded, “Yeah, I still can’t believe they actually suspended him, it’s not like he knew Magnus was… you know?”</p>
<p>Alec bit his tongue back, “Diabetic isn’t a dirty word, you can say it. He almost killed him; I think a two-week suspension is probably the minimum amount of punishment he could have gotten.”</p>
<p>“Yeah? Well, you would say that. Anything to protect your little boyfriend.”</p>
<p>“Well, at least I have a boyfriend,” Alec snapped instantly regretting the comment. It wasn’t like the two of them had talked about what their status was, they’d only been on one proper date together and whilst they’d been practically joined at the hip ever since, Alec wasn’t 100% sure that they were definitely officially boyfriends. He needed to find Magnus before the rumour mill was in full operation. He headed out of the room and to Mr Garraway’s office, waiting for Magnus to come out.</p>
<p>“Well this is a pleasant surprise,” Magnus said, raising an eyebrow at Alec waiting for him, “Everything okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, kind of. I’ve been an idiot, as usual, I don’t know why I said it, I just, I didn’t have a comeback and-”</p>
<p>“-Alexander,” Magnus said, putting a hand on his shoulder, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”</p>
<p>Alec sighed, “I may have said to Raj that you’re my boyfriend. We haven’t even talked about it, I don’t know what happened I just blurted it out.”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed, “You told Raj that I’m your boyfriend?”</p>
<p>Alec looked down at the floor, “He was being a dick… sorry?” he said looking back up at Magnus.</p>
<p>“I couldn’t be mad if I tried Alexander,” he took hold of Alec’s hands, “I’ve wanted to ask you for ages, I just didn’t know if you were ready.”</p>
<p>Alec smiled, “I’m ready.”</p>
<p>Magnus chuckled, “Clearly you are, you wouldn’t be blurting it out to Raj otherwise.”</p>
<p>“Don’t tease!”</p>
<p>“This is a great story to tell,” Magnus taunted before stopping himself at the incredibly innocent and somewhat adorable expression on Alec’s face, “Come on, I want to watch you train before breakfast.”</p>
<p>“Can we have a quick kiss first?”</p>
<p>Magnus smiled, “Is Alexander Lightwood seriously putting something else before dance, I better make the most of it,” he said, pulling Alec into his arms and kissing him aggressively on the lips. “Did you like that?”</p>
<p>Alec laughed, “I felt like my life was on the line but, yes, I liked it,” he said, “Come on, there’s not going to be much time left to practice.”</p>
<p>Magnus rolled his eyes jokingly at Alec, even when they were being romantic dance wasn’t far off his mind, not that he could blame him with the audition coming up. If anything he was happy, he’d had that moment with him because he was pretty sure the next three days were going to be fully booked when it came to Alec’s time. He was excited for Alec, but he was also excited for when the audition was over, at least then they would actually have time for themselves.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The past three days had eaten away at Jace, he hadn’t had a chance to apologise to Alec about having a go at him after the performance of Billy Elliot and after spending the past three days with his mother he knew that he had been wrong in pressurising Alec to join them. Things were hard enough for Alec as it was, the last thing he needed was his mum constantly hounding him, which from the way she’d acted over the break was exactly what she would have done if Alec were there. Now that he was back at Alicante though, he had to talk to Alec, update him on what had happened over thanksgiving and most of all, apologise. Alec couldn’t be a better brother if he tried, it was Jace’s turn to step up now.</p>
<p>“Alec,” Jace whispered, nudging his brother who he had ended up sitting next to during English.</p>
<p>Alec groaned internally to himself, he wasn’t upset with Jace, he understood why he’d wanted him to join them for the holiday, but he didn’t want to go over the same conversation again, not in Geography, one of the lessons where he needed to concentrate the hardest in. He turned to face his brother, “What is it?”</p>
<p>“Right everyone, discuss with your partners then get started on your posters,” Mr Lewis said.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry for going off on you about Thanksgiving, you were right to not want to come, Mum was… well she wasn’t in the best of moods.”</p>
<p>“Jace, wear this,” Mr Lewis said, handing him the radio, “How are you feeling about this poster, do you know what you’re doing?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s all good sir,” Jace said.</p>
<p>“Good. What about you Alec?”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Yeah, it’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>Mr Lewis smiled, “Well, that’s good to hear,” he said. He was pretty sure that Alec hadn’t quite grasped what was expected of them, he had seemed distracted all lesson, but they were working in partners so things would likely be explained. He just wished the boy were more honest with him when he was struggling, Geography was another subject that was discussion heavy and bound to be harder for him, but he wasn’t exactly the kind of person to openly admit to needing more help. Mrs William’s was good at her job though, she’d get him up to scratch by the end of the year, it would just take time.</p>
<p>Alec turned back to face his brother, “What was she saying?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to upset you.”</p>
<p>“She doesn’t want me back for Christmas, does she?”</p>
<p>Jace swallowed, “She didn’t exactly say that. I can’t work her out, she says all these things about wanting the best for you, which is why she’s so obsessive over you going to a school for the deaf but then she’s being completely contradictory by saying that you won’t get a good job and things like that… she’s ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m not going to a school for the deaf and there’s nothing she can do about that,” Alec paused, “Did she say anything about me coming out?”</p>
<p>Jace looked down at the table, “She didn’t mention it a lot, but I didn’t get the impression she approved.”</p>
<p>“I figured as much,” Alec said, his throat going dry, “I’m practically disowned, wonderful,” he said sarcastically.</p>
<p>“She’ll come round Alec. She just needs time.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well I just found out that I have severe hearing loss. I didn’t get any time to deal with that, why should she get all this time to process!”</p>
<p>Jace looked around the classroom as people stared at the two of them, “You’re right Alec but also, you’re stressed, and you need to take a breath.”</p>
<p>“That was loud wasn’t it?”</p>
<p>“A little.”</p>
<p>Mr Lewis came up to their table again, “Do you two want to go and work in the library, it might be less distracting?”</p>
<p>“No,” Alec said, returning to the poster they were doing, “We’re fine, thanks.”</p>
<p>Jace bit his lip, stopping himself from pushing the conversation any further. He was conflicted, he was happy that Alec was standing up to their mother, but he also didn’t like seeing him like this again, slipping into the more distant version of himself, the version of himself that he was before his diagnosis. He’d come so far over the past year that it seemed unfair for this to withdraw him back into himself. Jace looked over his shoulder at Magnus who was watching the two of them carefully.</p>
<p>“Is he okay?” Magnus mouthed.</p>
<p>Jace shook his head, “I don’t think so,” he mouthed back. He turned back to Alec, “Come on, let’s finish this off.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was another one of those winter nights that seemed to instantly dampen everyone’s moods, Jonathon had returned and was acting as though nothing had happened, Alec had brushed Magnus off as soon as he tried to talk to him whilst he was working and if Magnus was honest with himself, he was doubting that Catarina was enjoying his company whilst they did their homework. He hated working in silence and always found himself procrastinating in some way or the other but usually by chatting about something completely irrelevant to his friends but today even Catarina seemed stressed out. There must have been something in the air because literally everyone in the common room looked as though they were completely and utterly miserable.</p>
<p>“Magnus, are you okay?”</p>
<p>Magnus looked at Catarina suspiciously, “Why wouldn’t I be? Are you okay is the bigger question, you seem stressed?”</p>
<p>“That’s because you won’t shut up,” she teased, “and you haven’t answered my question.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine Catarina, honestly.”</p>
<p>Catarina put her pen down. “How are you feeling about Jonathon being back?”</p>
<p>“I’m not really feeling anything, I’m sure he’s learnt from his mistake.”</p>
<p>“God you’re so naïve sometimes.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“Jonathon got suspended because of something he did to <em>you</em>, which in his mind means that it’s <em>your</em> fault. He’s been a tyrant ever since he came to this school, he’s not going to let you off easily, aren’t you worried?”</p>
<p>Magnus ran his hand through his hair, “Wow, okay, clearly you’re worried about this.” He sighed. “Honestly, I’m not going to sweat about it, yes Jonathon is a dickhead but it’s not like he’s going to kill me, I can handle him.”</p>
<p>Catarina nodded, “I just don’t want him getting in your head, that boy is terrifying.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Magnus looked at the time on his phone, “Speaking of terrifying, I need to go stop my boyfriend from adding extra work into his terrifyingly busy schedule and force him into relaxing.”</p>
<p>Catarina grinned, “Your boyfriend ey?”</p>
<p>“Yes, my lovely, sexy boyfriend,” Magnus said, deliberately going over the top to earn a laugh from her, “See you later.”</p>
<p>“See you.”</p>
<p>Magnus left the common room and headed back upstairs to their dorm where he knew Alec would be, probably seconds away from burning out over his English homework or stressing over potential interview questions he could be given. No one could ever say that Alec Lightwood didn’t work hard, he spent practically every second of the day working on something, he would spend literally every second if it wasn’t for Magnus forcing him to take at least one hour in the evenings. It was worrying though, Magnus could physically see how exhausted Alec was, there were bags under his eyes and sometimes it was as though he could barely even summon the energy to speak when they spent their daily hour together. There wasn’t long left though, this time in a few days a weight would be lifted from Alec’s shoulders and they would have a whole lot more time to spend together.</p>
<p>“Right, you’re coming with me Alexander. You need a break,” Magnus said, taking Alec’s hand and attempting to move him from the desk.</p>
<p>“Wait,” Alec said pulling away, squinting his eyes over his essay, “Is that right?”</p>
<p>“Is what right?” Magnus said, looking at Alec’s notepad.</p>
<p>“Thought, fought, fuck,” Alec said rubbing his brow.</p>
<p>Magnus scanned the sentence, “Fought, with an f. Are you okay?”</p>
<p>Alec looked at Magnus blankly, “I literally can’t tell the difference.”</p>
<p>Magnus picked up Alec’s pen and changed the spelling. “You’re tired, they’re two different words and you know the meaning, you’re just overthinking everything. Which is why you’re coming with me.”</p>
<p>“Magnus, I’m not in the mood.”</p>
<p>“Tough, I want to learn to dance.”</p>
<p>“What?” Alec said, taking Magnus’ hand reluctantly and letting himself be dragged out the dorm.</p>
<p>“You’re going to teach me how to dance and it’s going to be fun and relaxing and maybe we’ll even make out at the end. Either way, no more overthinking about little things like the difference between thought and fought and which way you need to spell it… or you will drive yourself insane.”</p>
<p>Alec smiled, he couldn’t help it, Magnus’ matter of fact tone was humorous and whilst he was as stressed as he’d ever been, he did need to let loose a little bit. “Okay then,” Alec said, snaking his arm around Magnus’ waist as they headed to the dance studio.</p>
<p>Alec put his hand around Alec’s waist, instructing Magnus to put his on his shoulder waiting for the rhythm of the random ballroom music that Magnus had put on to sink in. He wasn’t sure why Magnus thought he needed teaching, he seemed to be somewhat of a natural, he hadn’t stepped on his toes once and he was following Alec’s lead easily. Magnus was right though; it was romantic and it was relaxing and something he needed more than he knew. Right now he was doing his favourite thing with his favourite person and it was kind of beautiful. The music picked up a little, urging Alec to spin Magnus around, catching him in his arms then dipping him, holding his back with all the support in the world.</p>
<p>“This is seriously turning me on Alexander,” Magnus said, catching his breath, “I’m suddenly overwhelmingly jealous of Aline.”</p>
<p>Alec grinned and spun Magnus towards him, “There’s no need to be,” he said, catching him to stop him moving away and returning to a simple step, the position that they’d started in. “This was a great idea Magnus.”</p>
<p>Magnus smiled, standing on his tiptoes slightly to kiss Alec, “I’m full of them, honestly, you should ask me for ideas like this more often…”</p>
<p>Alec moved a hand so that it was behind Magnus’ neck, “Ah yes, because you’re a literal genius.”</p>
<p>“Hmm, still not sure on that one.”</p>
<p>“You are though,” Alec confirmed, dipping him in his arms and kissing him again, “A sexy one too.”</p>
<p>“Keep your pants on Alexander.”</p>
<p>Alec almost broke his suave character at the comment, “A difficult task.”</p>
<p>“I think I’ve completed my mission, are you feeling better?” Magnus asked as the music ended.</p>
<p>“Much,” Alec said, “Come sit for a bit?” Alec said sliding down the wall.</p>
<p>Magnus did the same, catching his breath slightly, a little embarrassed as Alec seemed completely unphased by their routine. “I thought you didn’t like wearing your hearing aids to dance?” Magnus asked, realising that he had never taken them out.</p>
<p>“I don’t usually, it affects my balance and how I… how I vibe with the music I guess, which sounds ridiculous. This is different though; we were just messing around and I wanted to be able to hear you and the music all at once. There wasn’t anything technical enough for me to be worried about wearing them.”</p>
<p>“Nothing technical enough… how rude,” Magnus teased.</p>
<p>Alec laughed at the comment, “I’m sure it was very technical for a novice like yourself though, although you do have quite the talent.”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “Do you have snacks in your bag?” he asked.</p>
<p>“I always have snacks in my bag,” Alec said, lifting Magnus off his shoulder as he reached over to grab a granola bar and handed it to him before letting his head rest on his shoulder once more. “Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, just running a little low. I’m probably not used to the exercise.”</p>
<p>“We’ll sit here for a bit,” Alec said, wrapping his arm around Magnus, “There’s no rush to be back.”</p>
<p>Magnus smiled, “You don’t have a schedule to follow after this?”</p>
<p>“Bedtime is the next step on my schedule, and I can relax that a little bit.”</p>
<p>“That’s generous of you.”</p>
<p>Alec took hold of Magnus’ hand then kissed the top of his forehead, “I could fall asleep right here.” He waited a second, “Everything okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m just thinking.”</p>
<p>“What about?” Alec asked, moving his hand to run it through Magnus’ hair, which he knew he liked but would also annoy him when he looked in the mirror later.</p>
<p>“We’re so different, you’re super organised everything scheduled to a tee and I can’t even remember to carry snacks on me.”</p>
<p>Alec laughed, “Surely that’s a good thing? You stop me from over scheduling everything and I carry snacks for you just in case you forget. We work well together.”</p>
<p>Magnus sat himself up, “I know we do,” he said with a smile, “It’s just, it’s not what I’m used to… I like it though.”</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>Magnus let himself relax onto Alec’s chest again. He’d always enjoyed his time at Alicante, he thrived there but this year was quickly becoming the best year yet. He was obsessed with his boyfriend, had visible plans for the future, his friends cared about him and he had no more secrets but the best thing about it all was that he was falling in love. He used to think that he knew what love was but clearly, he didn’t, because Alexander brought something else out of him entirely and this time, he was 100% confident that he’d found the person that he wanted to be with forever. He smiled to himself, he couldn’t be happier.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I debated dedicating a whole chapter to Thanksgiving but I wasn't sure I'd be able to flesh it out enough, I am planning on doing a lot for the Christmas period in the timeline though. Thank you all for your lovely comments, I've struggled to keep motivated this week (I'm on new medication and it is making me so tired), your comments have kept me pushing through though, haha! </p>
<p>Thanks for being such lovely readers and I hope you are all well and safe, </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Fourteen </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Alec’s throat felt as though it was twice the size that it should be, his hands were clammy, and he could feel sweat already forming on his brow, despite not having danced one step yet. This was the biggest audition of his life, maybe even the biggest moment of his life and it hung on a rope so thin that it could easily go the wrong way. One misstep, incorrect response, confusion over commands and he could lose out on his future in dance entirely, yes, there were other schools, but Julliard was where he wanted, where he needed to be. He looked down at the piece of paper in his hands that outlined the schedule for the day. There were five parts to the audition, starting with ballet, then modern classes, followed by the solo that he had prepared and then the coaching session. If he passed the first stage he’d move on to the next and so on, after the four dances it would be the final stage, the interview. It was going to be a long day, tiring and likely to push his limits as a dancer and that worried him, he knew he was good but there was a lingering doubt that he wasn’t quite good enough.</p><p>“Alec don’t forget to breathe,” Aline said from beside him. She had taken the trip to the city with Jaxon and Alec so that she could have a tour of the school in preparation for next year and also for some moral support for her partner.</p><p>Alec swallowed, “I know, I just need to get in there now.”</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>“Whatever happens, remember that regardless of whether you get in or not you are an incredible dancer and full of talent. Julliard isn’t the be all and end all, don’t let what happens here today define you,” Jaxon said, his eyes on the instructors in the room as they prepared for the first session. </p><p>“I know… I know,” Alec said to himself more than anyone else.</p><p>“And don’t forget to give them the radio, the school has to accommodate students with disabilities so it’s your right to get any support that you need. I’m not having you make the wrong steps because you misheard them.”</p><p>Alec nodded, “I know, it’s fine,” Alec said, the bombardment of information suddenly seeming overwhelming. “I’ll be okay, you can both go now if you want. We’re due to start in five minutes anyway.”</p><p>“If you are auditioning, leave your bags out here and enter the studio finding a place at the barre,” a woman who was wearing a very formal suit and holding a very official looking clipboard said, holding the door open for them.</p><p>“That’s our cue anyway. Good luck Alec,” Jaxon said with a reassuring smile.</p><p>Aline grinned at him and pulled him in for a quick hug, “You’re going to do fantastic, I just know it,” she said before pulling away, “Now go get em!”  </p><p>“Thanks guys,” Alec said, taking out the radio from his bag, “I guess I’ll see you later on.” He closed his eyes for a second and headed into the room.</p><p>The barre felt cold on Alec’s hand, contrasting with the clamminess that he already felt. He’d managed to get a spot near the front, hoping it would benefit himself as he would be able to see the instructor clearly. His legs shook as he stretched himself out, nerves threatening to take over his whole body, which he couldn’t let happen. He took a measured breath, ballet and modern were his two best areas, he needed to be confident, show the faculty watching him that he knew he was good and that he knew that he deserved to be there. He’d been doing ballet ever since his mother reluctantly let him join Isabelle’s ballet class when he was five years old, previously he had been taken along to complete homework whilst Izzy danced but he had very quickly found an obsession with the regimented yet beautiful nature of it all. Izzy had only lasted a couple of years, but Alec never quit. He had the discipline for ballet, and they made a perfect pairing. He’d started modern fairly young as well, he must have been about eight or nine when he asked his parents if he could up his dance classes to include more styles, another fight for someone of his age but one he somehow managed to win. He’d had a natural gift for it and ability to convey emotion in his performance unlike anyone else his age at the time, which was how he’d managed to get his scholarship to Alicante. He was good enough, ballet and modern were part of his nature, he just had to prove that to the faculty members watching. He took a deep breath and followed the first move.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Two hours of dance wasn’t a particularly long session for Alec but for some reason, two hours of dance at an audition for Julliard felt twice as long and twice as hard which was likely due to the extra mental strain from the pressure, he was putting on himself. He’d made it through the first two rounds though, half of the auditionees had been cut already and he wasn’t one of them, he was doing okay, and his progression was giving him confidence that he didn’t know he could muster during today. His solo was coming up next, he was in the middle of the line up which gave him time to compose himself but also meant he was in a position that could make him forgettable. Everyone remembers the first and last person that they see, to remember someone in the middle you have to really stand out. He knew his routine was good, and that it should grab attention… as long as he performed it the best that he ever had.</p><p>“Hey, congratulations on getting through the first two rounds.”</p><p>Alec made eye contact with the boy who had started talking to him, his face seemed somewhat stuck up, if a face could look that way, his hair still perfectly styled despite their hours of dance. Alec smiled, “Thanks, you too,” he said apprehensively. He hadn’t seen many of the auditionees interact with one another and he wasn’t too sure why this person had decided to talk to him.</p><p>“It’s Alec, right?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Lorenzo.”</p><p>Alec nodded, “Nice to meet you.”</p><p>“And you. So, what are you dancing for your solo?”</p><p>“Modern, some elements of ballet, to a song by Billy Locket – Fading into Grey.”</p><p>“I see… I’m sure you’ll do fantastically; the school aren’t going to not admit someone like you after all.”</p><p>Alec froze slightly at the comment, “What do you mean, someone like me?”</p><p>“You know, a deaf person. It’s not like Julliard is known for it’s accessibility to everyone, they’re going to want to broaden their catchment, you’re perfect for that.”</p><p>Alec swallowed, Lorenzo wasn’t completely left field by what he was saying, it was something that had crossed Alec’s mind a couple of times but not as often as the thought that he wouldn’t get in because he had hearing loss. It was unnerving that one of his peers believed that he was a solid yes simply because he wore hearing aids, and he couldn’t help but let it mess with his head. He knew that he’d worked hard to get where he had, for the most of that he hadn’t even worn hearing aids, he didn’t even wear them that often when he danced, yet now people were assuming that was why he was here, to fill a quota. He took a deep breath, there was no point letting it get to him now, he had to prove himself.</p><p>He forced a smile at Lorenzo, “I actually don’t usually dance with them in. The only reason I did this morning was so I could listen to what the instructor was saying. The school didn’t even know I had hearing aids until after they offered me an audition. I’m not sure what you’re saying is true.”</p><p>“Alexander Lightwood, please come to the stage.”</p><p>“It was nice meeting you Lorenzo,” Alec said coolly, steadying himself as he made his way to the wings, removing his hearing aids and putting them on a chair. “Do you mind just giving me a thumbs up when you start the music?” he asked the man in control of the audio.</p><p>“Sure,” he said.</p><p>Alec stepped onto the stage. The lights on him. This was his moment.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The room for the interview stage of the audition seemed way too big for the amount of people that it was expected to hold. There was a table at the far end with a man sat behind it, a second chair on the other side which Alec could only assume was for him. He crossed the room, something that seemed to take longer than it should and shook the hand of the man behind the desk, taking his seat when instructed to do so. He controlled his breathing, something that he felt he’d been doing all day but was especially now, this was the final stage, the last thing standing between him and four years at Julliard, it was hard to remain completely calm.</p><p>“Good afternoon Alec, my name is Mr Greyson. I’m going to be chatting to you today about your audition so far and things like that.”</p><p>Alec nodded, “It’s a pleasure to meet you sir.”</p><p>“And you, your performances today have been quite spectacular. It’s clear that you are incredibly passionate about dance, could you tell me why that is?”</p><p>Alec gave himself a few seconds to construct his answer in his head. Mrs William’s had told him that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing to not answer the question immediately, whilst it wasn’t wise to sit thinking for ages most interviewers would prefer a clear and well-constructed answer over one that is rumbly and long-winded.</p><p>“I’m the oldest of three siblings and I’ve always been the quietest out of the three of us, as a child I preferred to keep myself to myself whilst my siblings were off on sports teams or competing in mental decathlon’s and spelling bees,” Mr Greyson chuckled at the comment, “I didn’t realise at the time, but I was also suffering from progressive hearing loss which I ended up ignoring until this year. Those two things, I guess, personality and circumstance, led to me mainly expressing myself through dance. It was the only thing that I really enjoyed and the only thing that I ever felt really good at, if I were upset, I wouldn’t tell anyone, I’d just dance about it, the same if I was happy or angry, any emotion really. I guess, I’ve relied on dance to communicate my whole life and that’s powerful. It’s an incredible thing to have, to feel that connected to my own body and mind at the same time… I could never give it up, it’s been more than my passion for as long as I can remember, it’s been my lifeline.”</p><p>Mr Greyson nodded, “Okay. So looking over your dance history, you have trained in all areas but specialise in ballet and modern, is that correct?”</p><p>“Yes sir.”</p><p>“With that in mind, if you could pick your weakest dance style, what would it be and why?”</p><p>“I’ve always struggled with tap. Don’t get me wrong, it can be incredibly cathartic, and it looks great on stage but for me it’s always been tougher to nail. I don’t want to use my hearing loss as an excuse, but I struggle to hear specific elements of songs without my hearing aids, that plus the noise from tap shoes can get confusing. It’s definitely an area I’d like to work harder on though, I don’t want anything holding me back.”</p><p>“You don’t wear your hearing aids when you dance, do you?”</p><p>Alec shook his head, “Not when I’m performing or practicing independently. I’m used to dancing without them and I prefer it that way… it’s difficult to explain.”</p><p>“Well, I think it’s very impressive. So, Alec, if you were to be accepted into Julliard dance, what do you want to get out of your time at the school? Where do you want to end up?”</p><p>Alec took his time, “I’m sure everyone says this but the most important thing for me is learning, I want to be the best that I can be, if I can become the best that I can be, I’m pretty sure I’ll be set… After school, I’d like to be part of a company, a musical, anything on stage. I know I don’t come across as confident or gregarious in real life but being on stage feels like a second home to me and if I could make that my career, well, it would just be perfect.”</p><p>“Okay, brilliant,” Mr Greyson said standing up and extending his hand to Alec. “You’ll receive a letter withing the next couple of weeks regarding your application status. It’s been a pleasure to meet you Mr Lightwood.”</p><p>Alec stood up as well, shaking the man’s hand. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you too sir and thank you for the opportunity.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Alec turned around, taking the long walk out of the room. The interview had been shorter than he imagined, and he couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing, he didn’t think he’d said anything particularly polarising as answers, but he couldn’t be sure that he’d said exactly the right thing. How was he even supposed to know what the right answers were, were there even right answers in the first place? The door to the interview closed behind him. The sound of the latch clicking seeming more poignant than it should, signifying either the end of his time at Julliard or the beginning. He sat down on the bench outside, he needed to switch his mindset from thinking about every single thing that he had said to ‘<em>it is what it is’</em>, there was nothing else for him to do, he’d made his impression and if that impression wasn’t what they wanted then he’d just have to deal with it. He thought back to what Jaxon had said earlier that morning, that Julliard didn’t have to define him, a logical piece of advice but one that was hard to take on when for the past seven years all he’d really cared about was Julliard and how he was going to get there. He ran his hand through his hair and stood up, Aline and Jaxon were waiting for him in the cafeteria and he didn’t want to keep them too long. Most importantly though, he wanted to get back to school, he wanted to see Magnus, he would talk some sense into him, or distract him, either way would work.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There hadn’t been much productive learning going on for Magnus whilst Alec was in the city for his audition. His mind had been completely focused on how he was, how things were going and most of all, whether Alec was going to have a complete meltdown after putting so much pressure on himself to be perfect. It seemed though, that things had gone well. He’d been texting Alec whenever he got the chance and Alec had sent updates through when he made it through each round, he’d got to the final stage and that had to be a good thing. It was about seven in the evening when Magnus received a text saying that they were five minutes away and to meet him in their spot which had become the tiny clearing in the trees just outside of the school dorm building. He smiled to himself and turned to face Catarina.</p><p>“I’m going to go see Alec,” he said standing up.</p><p>Catarina nodded, “How did his audition go?”</p><p>“He made it through to the final stage, he hasn’t said much else.”</p><p>“That’s excellent! Tell me congratulations from me.”</p><p>“I will do,” Magnus said, practically bounding out of the common room and down the stairs. Surprised at his own excitement at seeing his boyfriend, they’d only been apart for twelve hours, but it felt like it had been forever, how was he going to cope at Christmas time?</p><p>Magnus turned on the torch of his phone, navigating himself to the clearing then turning on the fairy lights that he’d started carrying around with him for this exact purpose. It was slightly extra but there was something perfectly romantic about sitting in the dark with only fairy lights and each other, he loved it, even if Alec did sometimes take the mick out of him for it. A rustle came from the trees, causing Magnus to stand up, shifting slightly between his feet in excitement as Alec appeared from the thickness of the bushes.</p><p>“Alexander!” Magnus exclaimed, rushing towards him, and clasping his hands against Alec’s cheeks, kissing him somewhat aggressively on the lips. “I am, so, so proud of you!”</p><p>Alec smiled, “Thanks,” he said stretching out his back, “I’m just glad it’s done with now. That bus journey gave me some time to calm down.”</p><p>“Good,” Magnus said a concerned expression on his face, “Are you injured?”</p><p>Alec shook his head, “No, my back’s just tight is all. Probably from four hours on a bus and a day of dance.”</p><p>Magnus smiled, “Well at least you can go easy on yourself for a couple of days. Come here, let’s see if I can work some magic.”</p><p>Alec grinned, “I was hoping you’d say that,” he said, taking his coat off despite the cold and lying face down on the bench as Magnus straddled him and started massaging his back and shoulders.</p><p>“Jesus Alec, you’re tight as fuck.”</p><p>Alec laughed at the comment, “I’ve just finished an audition at Julliard, and I’ve been stressed for weeks. Surely that’s expected?”</p><p>“I suppose so,” Magnus said, leaning his whole body into his massaging skills so he could kiss the back of Alec’s head, “You know that camping trip that’s happening tomorrow?” he started.</p><p>“Yeah, the one where everyone will freeze to death.”</p><p>Magnus laughed, “That’s not a good start. I was going to ask if you wanted to go, we could share a tent…”</p><p>Alec turned around, “Oh could we now?”</p><p>“I was speaking to Simon, he’s happy to do a late-night switcheroo so that Hodge doesn’t find out.”</p><p>“Well that’s tempting.”</p><p>“Just think about it, the two of us, alone, our bodies warming each other up, I’ll bring my fairy lights…”</p><p>“Okay, the fairy lights have convinced me,” Alec teased.</p><p>Magnus playfully punched him on the shoulder, a mischievous look on his face.</p><p>“Hey, injured boyfriend over here remember?” he sat himself up, leaning in for another kiss, “Let’s do it. It’ll be fun.”</p><p>“That’s the attitude!” Magnus exclaimed.</p><p>Alec shivered slightly, picking up his coat and putting it back on, “Let’s go back to the dorm, I need to have a hot shower or something.”</p><p>Magnus nodded, taking hold of Alec’s hand as they left the clearing, “I feel like things are really going uphill right now.”</p><p>Alec bumped Magnus affectionately, “I’m glad,” he said as they approached the boarding house.</p><p>Magnus lay down on his bed whilst Alec was showering, breathing a sigh of relief that Alec now seemed a lot more relaxed that he had done for the past three weeks. He would be there for him through anything that he went through but he didn’t like seeing him so stressed, he wanted him to be happy and now that the audition was over, he could be. Tomorrow night on the camping trip was going to be beautiful, he just knew it. He felt as though they were at the start of their prime when it came to their relationship and he was desperate to make the most of it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p><p>As always, thanks so much for reading!! </p><p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p><span class="u">Chapter Fifteen </span> </p><p> </p><p>Despite it being the beginning of December the sun had decided to come out for the annual senior year camping trip. It was one of those weird traditions that Alicante Boarding School had that not everyone was convinced on, which was why it didn’t bring out the whole of their year group, after all, camping in Upstate New York in the middle of winter didn’t bring about idyllic camping conditions. That being said, the trip was renowned for being one of the best school trips that there were, mainly because the students didn’t have to do anything other than walk to the camping site and make s’mores. It was basically a chance for them all to hang out together, or in Magnus and Alec’s case, to make out.</p><p>Magnus bounded over to Alec’s bed, shaking him awake, he’d been up for three hours already and had been fighting the urge to wake his boyfriend all morning, he figured he was exhausted from the last three weeks and wanted to allow him to sleep. It was eleven am now though and they were leaving in half an hour, so it was definitely time to annoy him into waking up. Alec rolled over groaning at Magnus’ presence and pulling the blanket back over his head.</p><p>“Wake up, come on!” Magnus said, fighting against him and pulling the blanket away from him. He smiled to himself, talking to him wasn’t going to work but there was something else he could do that was definitely more his style. He knelt down on the floor, planting a kiss on Alec’s forehead, then his nose, showering in them until Alec eventually, and less reluctantly opened his eyes and returned the favour. “There we go!” Magnus said dramatically.</p><p>Alec rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before yawning and stretching out his arms, “What time is it?” he asked, still half asleep. Magnus handed him his phone so he could check, laughing as Alec abruptly sat up as he realised how little time he’d left himself to get ready for the trip. “For fucks sake, I haven’t even packed yet.”</p><p>“I’ll help you,” Magnus said, ducking down underneath Alec’s bed and pulling out his rucksack, “You won’t need much.”</p><p>Alec raised an eyebrow at Magnus, “I have no idea what you just said,” he confirmed, opening up his bedside drawer and getting his hearing aids.</p><p>Magnus waited until they were in, leaning in for a more meaningful morning kiss, “I’ll help you pack; we don’t have long. Go get changed… or do it here if you want, that definitely wouldn’t bother me.”</p><p>Someone cleared their throat from the other side of the room, “Do I need to be worried?” Mr Garraway said, “A room switch might have to be on the cards.”</p><p>Alec’s cheeks went bright red, causing Magnus instantly to break into laughter. “No sir, we’re always really well behaved. No shenanigans going on in here at all.”</p><p>“I’m glad to hear it,” Mr Garraway said.</p><p>Jonathon laughed from behind his desk, “Here we go again with the two of them getting special treatment,” he sniggered.</p><p>Magnus rolled his eyes, “Do you have a problem Jonathon or are you just going to make cryptic comments?”</p><p>“You’ve got to admit, I have a point sir.”</p><p>Mr Garraway internally sighed, bracing himself for whatever the boy was going to say.</p><p>“I can’t stay in the girl’s dorm, why should they get to stay together in here? I guess it’s because they’ve already got their <em>special</em> needs, so you don’t want to be too harsh on them, so you give them even more <em>special</em> treatment.”</p><p>“Jonathon, I suggest you educate yourself and change that attitude or you will not be going on this trip. Alec and Magnus have shown me that they are responsible in this room together, if that changed, I would move them. Now, go downstairs and help Dot sort out the food.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“-No buts,” Mr Garraway said firmly, walking over to Alec and Magnus who had ignored the conversation and were busy packing Alec’s bag. “Magnus, have you got everything you need for the trip?”</p><p>Magnus nodded, “It’s only one night sir, I’m good to go.”</p><p>“Snacks?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Extra insulin?”</p><p>“All in my bag.”</p><p>“Okay, how were your levels this morning?”</p><p>Magnus looked over at Alec who had distracted himself making his bed. “They were lower than usual for the morning, but they’re back up now I’ve had breakfast.”</p><p>“You need to be checking your blood sugar more often on this hike then, it’ll be hard to get an ambulance up there if something goes wrong and exercise can cause your levels to fluctuate-”</p><p>“-Sir, I know the drill. I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“I’ll make sure he does sir,” Alec said, earning himself a glare from Magnus.</p><p>“Thank you, Alec. I hear your audition went well yesterday?”</p><p>Alec shrugged, “I got through all the stages, I don’t know how the interview went though.”</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll do great. Right, enjoy the trip boys.”</p><p>“Thanks sir,” Alec said, turning to face Magnus whose mood had shifted slightly, “What’s wrong with you?” he asked.</p><p>“Nothing,” Magnus said, handing Alec his hoodie.</p><p>“Magnus-”</p><p>Magnus sighed, “He’s literally acting like I’m incapable of managing my blood sugar, it’s patronising and really fucking-”</p><p>“-Okay, let’s not take it out on my clothes,” Alec said, stopping Magnus from creasing his t-shirts, then wrapping his arms around Magnus’ waist, “He’s just doing his job babe, I get it, it’s annoying but it’s coming from a good place.”</p><p>Magnus rested his chin on Alec’s shoulder, “I know,” he said pulling away and patting Alec’s cheek, “Did you just call me babe?”</p><p>Alec’s cheeks flush red… again, “It just came out, I’m not a fan.”</p><p>Magnus laughed, “I am.”</p><p>“So I’m your Alexander and you’re my babe?”</p><p>Magnus nodded, “Sounds sexy.”</p><p>Alec scoffed at the comment, “Each to their own, I guess we’ll see if that one catches on.”</p><p>Magnus pushed Alec gently, “Come on, they’ll leave without us otherwise.”</p><p>Magnus picked up his own bag from his bed and put it on his back, taking hold of Alec’s hand. He was looking forward to this trip, it was kind of like a date, the two of them being able to spend so much time together was exciting even if half of that time was ‘strictly prohibited’, it was going to be the best date ever. Magnus knew it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>One thing that Magnus hadn’t quite prepared himself for was how intense the hike to the camping ground was going to be, whilst he knew that Hodge liked to challenge the students on these trips, Magnus did not expect to be climbing something that he could only imagine was just as high and steep as Mount Everest. He stopped for a second, catching his breath.</p><p>“You good Magnus?” Alec asked hanging back with him.</p><p>Magnus nodded, “Yeah, I mean I wasn’t expecting this to be Kilimanjaro but, I’m fine,” he said, taking Alec’s hand and letting him half pull him up the hill.</p><p>“No one could ever call you dramatic, could they?” Alec teased.</p><p>“No one could ever call you sarcastic,” Magnus responded just as quickly.</p><p>“Oh god, I knew the flirting was going to have to start at some point, but I thought we’d at least be able to make it to the campsite first,” Simon said, trying not to laugh despite his best efforts to sound annoyed at the two of them.</p><p>Magnus grinned, “I think he’s missing Izzy, Alexander, do you think he’s missing Izzy?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, he’s definitely missing Izzy.”</p><p>Simon pretended to be irritated by the comment then dramatically clutched his hand to his chest, “I begged her to come but alas she would not commit to the adventure.”</p><p>Alec scoffed at the comment, “Hold up, you begged Izzy… to come on a camping trip, and thought she might?”</p><p>Simon nodded, “People will do strange things for love Alec, you got to put yourself out there.”</p><p>“And Izzy laughed in your face, right?”</p><p>Simon’s cheeks flushed red, “We don’t need to talk about this anymore.”</p><p>Magnus laughed at the comment, tiptoeing so he could kiss Alec on the cheek, “You’re sexy when you’re being… mean?”</p><p>Alec grinned, snaking his arm around Magnus’ waist, “Thanks,” he said, pulling him in closer.</p><p>“Right everyone, we’re about ten minutes away from camp. Once we get there, set up your tents, if my boy scouts can help me make a fire, we’ll be good to go.”</p><p>“Thank the lord!” Magnus exclaimed, clearly ready for the walking part of the trip to end and the relaxing part to begin.</p><p>Alec tried his hardest not to laugh as he and Raphael finished setting their tent up. He was experienced when it came to camping, he and Jace used to go on camping trips with their father when they were younger, and they were very much a way to teach the two of them life skills and how to survive in the wilderness. Magnus, on the other hand, clearly had no experience putting a tent up at all, neither did Simon. Speaking of Simon, Alec was pretty sure he’d been buried alive underneath the tent cover as he hadn’t resurfaced for a good five minutes, and Magnus had made no progress in getting him out. Alec continued to watch on in amusement as he and Raphael hammered in their final tent pegs before caving and heading over to them to provide them with the help that they so desperately needed. Whilst watching them suffer was a brilliant source of entertainment, he was going to have to spend a night in there too and he’d rather not have the whole thing collapse in on them.</p><p>Alec bent down and lifted up the entrance to the tent, propping it open with his arms, “Out you come Simon, unless you want to stay in there forever.”</p><p>Simon’s head appeared through the gap that Alec had made for him as he struggled to clamber his way out, “Thanks,” he said, catching his breath, “I thought I was going to die in there.”</p><p>“Me too,” Alec said. “Did either one of you read the instructions?”</p><p>Magnus shook his head, “Did you?”</p><p>“No, but clearly I know how to put up a tent.”</p><p>“Stop flirting with me Alexander, you’re making it very hard for me to control myself.”</p><p>Alec turned with a bemused expression on his face as he threaded the poles through the tent holes, “I wasn’t?” he questioned.</p><p>“You just look so manly and sexy putting that-”</p><p>“-Okay, I’m going to go get us some sandwiches,” Simon said, removing himself from the situation.</p><p>“I feel like you need a cold shower Magnus,” Alec said, “Come here.”</p><p>Magnus did what he was told, letting Alec take hold of his hands, teaching him how to thread the poles through, “This is very erotic.”</p><p>“Jesus Christ, if I’d known taking you camping would make you this excited, I’d have taken you a long time ago.”</p><p>Magnus raised an eyebrow at him, “When would you have taken me camping Alexander?”</p><p>Alec shrugged, “I don’t actually know, but I would have at least thought about it more often.”</p><p>“I am so excited for tonight,” Magnus looked over his shoulder to make sure Hodge wasn’t around, “We are going to take romance to the next level.”</p><p>“With your fairy lights?” Alec teased.</p><p>“Wow, someone’s feeling really funny today, aren’t they?”</p><p>Alec nodded, “I am actually, I have nothing else to worry about other than my comedy skills.”</p><p>“Hmm, interesting. I’ll bare that in mind.”</p><p>“Good.” Alec paused for a second, slightly confused about how weird their conversation just was. “Come on, let’s get this tent put up, or your night of romancing won’t go ahead as planned.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It was later in the evening, the sun had set but the sky was clear, lit up by the night stars and the crackling fire in front of them, the smell of hot dogs and s’mores filled the air along with the chatter of the respective friendship groups sat around the fire. Alec was resting half against a long and half against Magnus, who was sitting on the log, staring up at the sky, letting himself fully relax for the first time in a long time. Magnus hadn’t shut up about how romantic everything was, and he wasn’t wrong, everything felt perfect in that moment. Alec sat up, turning to face Magnus.</p><p>“Do you want me to make you a s’more?” he asked, picking up the stick that he’d used earlier in the evening.</p><p>Magnus opened up his phone to check on his blood sugar levels, “I’m okay Alexander, as much as I’d love one the extra insulin I’d have to take isn’t worth it, it’s getting late anyway.”</p><p>Alec nodded, “We could always head back to the tent?”</p><p>Magnus looked around at the campfire, Hodge had headed to his own tent around half an hour ago and there was no sign of Jonathon, the only person that would tell on them, this was their golden opportunity. He nudged Simon, “We’re going to head to the tent, is that okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll share with Raphael. If he’s still okay with it?”</p><p>“Fine with me,” Raphael said with a smile, “Enjoy yourselves.”</p><p>Alec stood up and extended his hand to Magnus, pulling him up from the log, “See you in the morning guys,” he said, practically dragging Magnus in the direction of his tent.</p><p>The two of them got settled in the tent, zipping up their two sleeping bags so that they were more like one big one, whilst they’d never spent the night properly together before they were both more than ready to do so, so sharing the same blanket seemed the perfect next step. Alec folded up his hoodie, using it as a pillow then did the same for Magnus, another survival trick that had been passed on from his father.</p><p>“Do you mind if I take my shirt off?” he asked.</p><p>Magnus grinned, “Definitely not. Won’t you be cold?”</p><p>“It keeps you warmer… you might want to do the same.”</p><p>Magnus laughed, “Who knew I had a man of the wilderness as my boyfriend?”</p><p>“What can I say, I’m a man of many talents.”</p><p>Magnus watched Alec as he took his shirt off, almost doing a double take as he took in his boyfriend’s body. He’d kind of see Alec shirtless before but he hadn’t really seen how ripped he actually was, in a different way to most of the boys at their school though. Alec was fairly slim but ridiculously toned as though every single part of him was some perfectly crafted muscle, it was his entire body. Magnus stopped himself, taking off his own shirt and suddenly feeling considerably less superior than his boyfriend, he even debated putting it back on.</p><p>“You’re so fucking attractive,” Alec said, moving closer to Alec.</p><p>“I am?” Magnus questioned, suddenly confused about why Alec would be saying that when he looked the way he did.</p><p>“Are you kidding me? You’re beautiful, don’t you know that?”</p><p>Magnus shrugged, “I never really thought about it… especially when I’m so distracted by how many abs you seem to have.”</p><p>“I think I can do something about that,” Alec said, putting his arm around Magnus’ back and pulling him towards him, kissing him passionately on the lips, their hands moving around each other’s bodies, tracing each other like a well-worn map. Alec took a breath, moving so that the both of them were lying down now, kissing Magnus one more time. </p><p>The two of them had discussed what they wanted to do during their time alone in their tent, both of them not wanting to go any further than making out, not whilst they were at school and not whilst they were so early on in their relationship. There was no need for them to rush things, they both knew that there was no chance that they would break up, definitely not in the near future anyway, so they wanted to take things slow, at a pace where everything that they would do would have the most impact and be more than meaningful. Which was why they spent the next half an hour or so making out before falling into a position where they were both kind of holding each other and eventually drifting off to sleep.</p><p>Magnus woke up suddenly, as someone who had always been a light sleeper, he was used to waking up frequently throughout the night and then quickly falling back to sleep. He looked around, remembering where he was for a second, about to check the time on his phone when he heard a sniffle coming from Alec whose head was buried up against the side of his chest. Magnus adjusted his position, moving his hand to the back of Alec’s head, massaging his head gently before wiggling down further into the sleeping bag so that there faces were at the same level, their foreheads touching ever so slightly. He could feel Alec’s slightly uneven breaths brushing against the lower part of his neck and the unevenness as he tried to fight against whatever was on his mind. Magnus pulled his own arm out from underneath him, wiping the few tears resting on Alec’s cheeks away, wondering what he could possibly be upset about at this time of night. Alec finally made eye contact with him.</p><p>“Alexander, what’s wrong?”</p><p>Alec took a shaky breath, annoyed at himself for letting himself get wound up when this was supposed to be his perfect evening with Magnus, their first full night together. This sadness had crept over him most evenings since his mother had confronted Mr Garraway and himself before Thanksgiving and he was used to dealing with it himself. He didn’t think he would get upset tonight though, not with Magnus right by his side, but he had, and knowing Magnus he was going to want to talk about it with him.</p><p>He swallowed, “Sometimes I just wish I was normal… don’t you?” he said, unsure if he was speaking to himself or Magnus but speaking into existence anyway.</p><p>“I sometimes wish things were easier, a working pancreas would be great but… it’s not the end of the world.”</p><p>Alec reached over Magnus, feeling around for his hearing aids case then trying his best to put them in quickly. “Can you say that again?”</p><p>“Sure. A working pancreas would make my life easier but it’s not the end of the world, it’s just… I guess it’s just a thing.”</p><p>“There was this guy at my audition yesterday, I don’t think he got through the third stage, he said that I was the perfect person for Julliard.”</p><p>“You are the perfect person for Julliard,” Magnus confirmed, caressing Alec’s cheek, “You know that, you’re incredible.”</p><p>“What if I’m not though,” Alec said somewhat bluntly. “If I get in, and that’s an if, it’ll be to fill some sort of quota, Julliard isn’t known for having people with disabilities at their school, that’s why they want me-”</p><p>“Woah, woah, woah,” Magnus said, not wanting Alec to go down the ridiculous spiral anymore, “That is not the case at all Alexander. They picked you from your audition tape, no hearing aids, no info about your hearing loss. They then watched you show them how good you were with and without your hearing aids and probably blew them away with your interview at the end. Everyone says you’re the best male dancer to have been at Alicante and loads of people from this school have ended up at Julliard before you. You, Alexander Lightwood, are one of the best dancers out there, and deep down you know that. Don’t you dare let some random, jealous, idiot tell you otherwise. This is your calling, own that.”</p><p>Alec sighed, “You’re probably right.”</p><p>“I am right. Say it, you deserve Julliard.”</p><p>“Magnus-”</p><p>“-I DESERVE JULLIARD!”</p><p>“shh, we’re going to get caught.”</p><p>“I DESERVE-”</p><p>“-Okay, okay. I deserve Julliard,” Alec whispered.</p><p>Magnus smiled at him, “Too right you do sexy,” he said, snaking his hand down to Alec’s waist.</p><p>Alec laughed, stopping himself for a second, “Sorry for waking you up.”</p><p>Magnus shook his head, “Don’t be. Although we should probably go back to sleep now.”</p><p>Magnus watched as his boyfriend took his hearing aids back out, letting him lie on the top of his chest so that he could continue to play with his hair until he fell asleep. He’d never seen or heard Alec doubt himself when it came to his dancing before, he was usually so confident about it, aware of the fact that he was good and that he could go far with it. It was strange to see him so on the edge, perhaps even over the edge of self-doubt from the words of one, clearly ignorant person. He’d managed to talk him down though and that was what mattered, as long as he could do that, there was nothing to be worried about.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p><p>Thanks again for reading, hope you all enjoy this chapter, it was very cute to write haha!</p><p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Sixteen </span>
</p><p> </p><p>Trying to complete schoolwork whilst your boyfriend was dancing like the next Mikhail Baryshnikov in front of you was quite the challenge. Magnus had taken to joining Alec for his private rehearsals, he’d sit against the wall ‘doing homework’ when really, he spent the whole time watching his boyfriend practically fly through the air and do god knows how many pirouettes. Ballet had become Alec’s obsession lately, well, he’d told Magnus that it had always been his obsession, but Magnus had never seen him focus on it quite so much, he usually balanced his practices out across the different styles. Not that Magnus minded at all, ballet was potentially one of the most romantic forms of dance, or it was just sexy to watch, he wasn’t sure which, either way, it was impossible to take his eyes off him when he was performing or practicing.</p><p>There was a knock on the dance studio door. “Come in,” Magnus instructed, knowing Alec wouldn’t be able to hear it. “Hey Harry, everything okay?”</p><p>Harry nodded his head slowly, “Yeah, erm, I wanted to talk to Alec.”</p><p>“Come sit,” Magnus said, patting the floor beside him. The kid may have said that he was okay, but his face was saying otherwise, he looked miserable, which was a worrying thought. They hadn’t seen much of Harry since Billy Elliot, and things had been kind of hectic over the past two weeks since Alec’s audition, which meant they hadn’t been able to check in with him and how things were going with his peers. “What’s going on?”</p><p>Harry slid his back down the wall, so he was sat next to Magnus and stared watching Alec who was working on his Grand Jete, a move that Alec was almost close to perfection on but needed constant practice and stretching to fully master. Harry turned to look at Magnus, “Just the usual,” he said, chewing on his lip ever so slightly.</p><p>“And what’s that?”</p><p>Harry shrugged, “Just the boys in the dorm messing with me, saying some stuff.”</p><p>“What are they saying?”</p><p>A sigh escaped Harry’s lips, “Ever since you and Alec started dating, they’ve been calling me gay literally all the time, like it’s an insult. I know it’s not but-”</p><p>“It’s still upsetting you. That’s understandable Harry.”</p><p>Alec landed his jump, catching his breath slightly before realising that Harry had joined Magnus in watching his performance. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with his hoodie and went to grab his hearing aids, from Magnus’ furrowed brow it looked as though something was wrong or had happened, Harry wasn’t looking too cheerful either.</p><p>“Hey bud, how’re you doing?” Alec asked, sitting down on the floor in front of them both, stretching out his legs at the same time.</p><p>“The kids in his dorm have been calling him gay,” Magnus said, his tone slightly colder, showing his annoyance now that he was speaking to someone that could fully understand the gravity of the situation.</p><p>“As an insult?”</p><p>Harry nodded, “And they keep on stealing my clothes from the shower.”</p><p>Alec groaned, “God, why haven’t the teachers stopped this already? It’s getting ridiculous!”</p><p>“Alexander,” Magnus said, squeezing his boyfriend’s leg, “Let’s stay calm.”</p><p>“Fine, but Harry, this can’t continue. What those boys are doing is bullying, Mr Garraway won’t tolerate that, but he can’t do anything about it if you don’t let him know.”</p><p>Harry leaned forward, putting his head between his knees, and groaning to himself, “I’m just sick of everything going wrong. This was supposed to be my golden opportunity and now-”</p><p>“-Hey,” Alec said, ruffling Harry’s hair playfully, “It still is, Harry look at me.” Alec waited for the boy to sit back up. “Us male dancers have to face all sorts of challenges, there’s not that many of us, especially at this school. We just have to try our best to push through it, eventually things will turn out alright, perhaps even good.”</p><p>Magnus smiled at Alec, he was always slightly in awe at how he always knew what the right thing to say was, especially when it came to Harry. He’d managed to push that kid so that he was the best that he could be for Billy and they’d never had a disagreement once; it was like they had some sort of special dancer bond that meant that they would always fully relate to each other. “Alec’s right Harry,” Magnus confirmed, “We can come with you to tell Mr Garraway if you want?”</p><p>“Okay,” Harry said, somewhat defeated after being bombarded by Alec’s emotional speech, “Can we go now, if I don’t go now, I don’t think I’ll get the confidence to do it again.”</p><p>“Sure, we’ve still got half an hour before our first ASL session, don’t we Alec?”</p><p>Alec checked his phone, “Just over,” he said, standing up and collecting his things. “Come on then bud, let’s get this done.”</p><p>Harry hung back for a second, tugging on Alec’s sleeve, “Can I ask you something, it’s okay if you say no,” he rushed.</p><p>“Go ahead bud.”</p><p>“I know you were supposed to just mentor me for Billy Elliot,” Harry shifted slightly, clearly nervous about something, “But, could we keep our training sessions going? I really enjoyed them, and I already learned so much from you.”</p><p>Alec smiled at the question, “Yeah, of course we can. Things might get a little busy, but we can definitely try and sort something out.”</p><p>Harry’s face lit up at the response, “Thank you so much!”</p><p>“You’re welcome.”</p><p>Alec put his hands-on Harry’s shoulders, guiding him out of the room, grateful that it caused Harry to laugh at his actions. He was worried that Harry wasn’t enjoying himself at school, Magnus had said that the boy was struggling on the academic side of things, particularly English, something that Alec could relate to all too well, that paired with not having any strong alliances with his peers meant that it was a lot of pressure on one kid. His only outlet was dance, another thing that Alec could relate to, but he also knew that sometimes dance wasn’t quite enough, sometimes you needed a support system to go back to. Yes, Harry had him and Magnus, but they’d be gone soon, then he’d be left alone. Alec needed to get the boy set up by the time they graduated, make sure that he was actually happy and not just going through the motions, he had too much talent to fall through the cracks and he deserved so much more.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The American Sign Language (ASL) course that Mrs William’s had organised was due to take place for the next two terms, every Monday before dinner. Like she’d promised it counted as some credit for their diplomas which only gave more incentive for Alec and his friends to take part. Magnus could tell that Alec was still having mixed feelings about it though, there was an instructor visiting the school to run the course and Magnus could read on his boyfriend’s face that he was worried about being singled out as the only deaf student taking part. That being said, Magnus also knew that Alec would actually end up joining it and perhaps even benefiting from it. If they both learned sign language it would make things so much easier when Alec didn’t have his hearing aids in, meaning he wouldn’t have to put them back in whenever anyone talked to him later at night or when he was dancing. It was going to be useful and Magnus knew that Alec would learn that over time, he just needed to get used to it and that was okay.</p><p>Alec rested his head on Magnus’ shoulder, watching as the room filled up with mainly his and Magnus’ friends. His siblings were there, as was Simon of course, so were Raphael, Ragnor and Catarina and Jace’s now girlfriend Clary. There were a couple of other people sat at the back of the class as well that Alec recognised but didn’t know, they were clearly just there for the extra credit though. Alec swallowed down the apprehension he was feeling as a man entered the room, probably only a few years older than they were, chiselled jaw, perfectly styled sandy hair, hearing aids, he definitely wasn’t what Alec was expecting from an ASL instructor.</p><p>“Well, he’s certainly attractive,” Magnus said to himself.</p><p>Alec turned to face him sharply, “Excuse me?” he teased.</p><p>“Not as attractive as you Alexander, don’t you worry.”</p><p>Alec grinned, kissing Magnus on the cheek, “I wasn’t. I know you couldn’t take your eyes off me during ballet.”</p><p>Magnus rolled his eyes, “How astute of you. Go introduce yourself, this isn’t the time for flirting.”</p><p>“Why do I have to introduce myself?”</p><p>Magnus rolled his eyes again, “You need to give him your radio anyway, it’s polite. Unless you’re just going to throw it at him?”</p><p>“Ha-ha very funny,” Alec said sarcastically, taking the radio out of his bag.</p><p>“That’s me,” Magnus said, keeping his attitude light despite the fact that he was starting to become concerned that Alec wasn’t going to take the lesson seriously at all. A strange worry for him to be having as Alec took everything seriously.</p><p>Alec sighed to himself as he headed over to the instructor, “Excuse me,” he said, somewhat awkwardly.</p><p>The man turned around, “Hey there,” he paused for a second, “You must be Alec?”</p><p>“Erm, yeah. That’s me.”</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Richard.”</p><p>“You too. Would you mind wearing this? It can get noisy in here, especially when both my siblings are in the same room.”</p><p>Richard smiled, “Yeah, of course. Is it all set up?”</p><p>Alec nodded, “It’s good to go.”</p><p>“Brilliant, go take a seat. We’ll be starting in a minute.”</p><p>Alec headed back to his chair, thinking to himself for a moment before turning to face Magnus, “He knew who I was. Mrs William’s literally prepped him on me.”</p><p>Magnus raised an eyebrow at Alec, “So?”</p><p>“I don’t know…” Alec trailed off, not sure what his own point was.</p><p>“She probably just told him your name and that you were the only student with hearing loss in the class, you’re wearing hearing aids, process of elimination and all that.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.”</p><p>“Okay everyone, let’s begin,” Richard said, clapping to get everyone’s attention. “My name is Richard, I graduated from Gallaudet university two years ago, I have a severe hearing loss and primarily communicate through lip-reading and amplification, but I do use sign language in some situations. That’s enough about me though, we’re going to start with the alphabet so we can get you all fingerspelling as soon as possible. Everyone ready?”</p><p>“He’s exactly like me,” Alec whispered to Magnus.</p><p>“Alexander, just take a step back for a second, you’re getting in your head. Listen to him, okay?”</p><p>Alec nodded, “Okay.”</p><p>The class was only an hour long, but for Alec it felt as though it had been ten hours long, he had tried to pay attention, keep up with the rest of the class and with what Richard was saying but like Magnus had said, he was wrapped up in his own head. He didn’t really understand why he was so distracted either, he wanted to learn ASL, he knew that he also knew that the reasons why he wanted to learn ASL were complicated. It also didn’t help that he seemed to be struggling to remember the hand movements for each letter more than his siblings were, or Magnus or anyone else in the class if he was honest. It was the age-old problem of everyone else around him being smarter than he was and him standing out as the stupid one as usual, which was an even harder pill to swallow when this whole thing had been put on because he was the one with hearing loss. He felt like he was failing, and he was only one lesson in, but he simultaneously knew that he was also being somewhat dramatic about it all. He needed to fix his attitude, he knew that, but it was easier said than done.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Magnus could tell that Alec was withdrawing himself as soon as the lesson had begun, it was a common thing when it came to Alec and he hated witnessing him forcing himself out of the group. It was like he was deliberately torturing himself and Magnus only wanted to make things better for him but sometimes, trying to convince Alec that things were going to be okay was harder than rocket science. Izzy loved to tease Alec about how grumpy he could be and after dating Alec for a few weeks now, Magnus was definitely becoming accustomed to the grumpy side of him.</p><p>“Are you coming back to the dorm? You could do with a shower after that dance rehearsal,” Magnus teased.</p><p>Alec shook his head, “This rooms booked out of an hour and a half, I’m going to go over Mrs William’s spellings and things before dinner.”</p><p>Magnus sighed, somewhat frustrated, “Oh great, so you’re going to put yourself in even more of a bad mood than you already are?”</p><p>“What?” Alec said, not hiding his own annoyance at Magnus suggesting he was in a bad mood in the first place.</p><p>Magnus side-eyed Richard who was packing away his things from the lesson, lowering his tone so that he wouldn’t overhear their conversation. “You clearly aren’t happy about this whole ASL thing and going over speech therapy and spelling always stresses you out, you’re deliberately making yourself frustrated. Give yourself a break.”</p><p>Alec swallowed, “I didn’t know you were the one that couldn’t hear anything Magnus. I’m sorry that me trying and failing at making things easier for myself is such an inconvenience for you. I’ll be sure to have a smile on my face at all times from now on.”</p><p>Magnus groaned at himself more than anything, “God, you’re impossible to talk to when you’re like this.”</p><p>“Probably because I don’t want to talk!” Alec said, frustration boiling over.</p><p>“Fine then. Let’s not talk, god forbid I want to make you feel better,” Magnus said, turning around and heading out of the room.</p><p>He loved Alec, they hadn’t told each other yet, but he knew it was true, but he also wasn’t going to let him get mad at him when all he was trying to do was help. He’d happily be there for him whenever he needed him, but he needed to feel appreciated too sometimes and right now, continuing a conversation with him wasn’t going to give him that feeling, he didn’t want to feel as though he was annoying his boyfriend and he didn’t want his boyfriend taking his stress out on him. That was why he walked out, staying with him would only cause things to get worse. He also knew that right now, in that moment, he wasn't in the right mind set to discuss how Alec was feeling, his phone had been buzzing in his pocket all day and he'd been ignoring it all day. He couldn't for much longer though, he was going to have to address it at some point, doing that was going to take a lot more courage than he'd like to admit though. </p><p>Alec rubbed his eyes with his hand, stress threatening to take over and guilt almost instantly eating away at him. He’d never got annoyed or angry with Magnus before, how could he when Magnus was potentially the best boyfriend that he could ever ask for? He was in the wrong, he knew that he also knew that Magnus was right, that he was deliberately putting himself in a bad mood by doing Mrs William’s work straight after a stressful and to him, unsuccessful ASL lesson, which was probably why he got so defensive. He needed to apologise but he also needed to calm down, even though he knew he was wrong, going up to Magnus and admitting that was going to take a little bit more time.</p><p>“That didn't sound like a pleasant conversation.”</p><p>Alec looked up at Richard who had put the radio back on the desk for him and was now sat on top of the desk opposite him. “I appreciate you coming to teach us ASL and all but I’m not really feeling a chat right now, I have work to do.”</p><p>Richard nodded slowly, “Spelling, I suck at that too.”</p><p>Alec swallowed, “Yeah, well, I can’t afford to.”</p><p>“You know. I used to be exactly like you-”</p><p>“-No shit,” Alec stopped himself, “Sorry, I- there was no need for me to snap then.”</p><p>“That’s okay. I get it, you’ve suddenly been landed with this massive lifestyle change, you’ve adapted the best you can, decided that ASL might be useful and now you’re stressing because other people are picking it up quicker. You’re the deaf person, you should be good at it after all.”</p><p>Alec sighed, “Everyone’s always better at me at everything, this is normal.”</p><p>“I doubt that. Don't let yourself get wrapped up in your head. I don't know everything about you Alec but I'm pretty sure that's not the case.”</p><p>Alec rubbed his eyes again, “I don’t usually. There’s just a lot on my plate.”</p><p>“Unfortunately, that seems to be the general vibe for teenagers these days. Just, take things one day at time, there's no point in letting that plate become completely overfilled. That will only make things harder on you."</p><p>Alec forced a smile, “Thanks for the pep talk," he said. He wasn't sure if it was as motivation as Richard seemed to think it was but it was something and talking to someone had helped a little bit. </p><p>“Anytime,” Richard said, getting up off the table and heading out of the classroom.</p><p>Alec thought to himself for a second, trying his best to reset his mind into one that was more logical and rational to where he currently was. It annoyed him how quickly he could slip into being frustrated at himself, it drove Izzy insane when he started moping and acting all ‘grumpy’ as she so often said. He needed to come up with a better way of dealing with his stress. He also needed to apologise to Magnus.</p><p>“Alec!”</p><p>Alec looked up at the sound of Izzy’s voice calling his name, she was stood in the doorway, apparently out of breath, a piece of paper in her hand. “Everything okay?”</p><p>Izzy grinned, “I found this in my mailbox, it must have been put there by mistake. It’s from Julliard.”</p><p>Alec’s stomach dropped.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p><p>Thanks for reading! I hope you all liked this chapter, even if it was a little bit angsty (I can't help myself). Also, I spent ages trying to research how long it would take to get an rejection/acceptance letter from Julliard after an audition but I couldn't find anything anywhere, I'm from the UK so I couldn't use personal experiences with the American college system either. I kind of just used writers perogative and decided I wanted to address it sooner rather than later (although you guys have two days to wait because I have been cruel and written yet another cliffhanger lol). Anyway, just wanted to explain that decision. Thanks again! </p><p>Edit: I have changed a few things in the final section of this chapter. </p><p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
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  <span class="u">Chapter Seventeen</span>
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<p><em>The world had to keep spinning.</em> That’s what Alec told himself as he stared at the envelope in his hand, he’d banished Izzy to the corridor, wanting to process whatever the contents of the letter held by himself for a second before sharing the news with anyone. The past two weeks seemed to of flown by, he hadn’t even realised that he should be expecting a letter so soon, he figured it would take longer for some reason, yet here he was, staring at the Julliard logo trying not to completely freak out. What made things more nerve-wracking though were that he still hadn’t apologised to Magnus, he didn’t know where he stood, whether he could tell him first or apologise first or if he’d be too busy wallowing in disappointment to even speak to him at all. He ran his finger underneath the tab of the letter.</p>
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<p>
  <em>Dear Mr Lightwood, </em>
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  <em>It was a pleasure to meet you during the audition process for the dance department of Julliard, your performance was exceptional, and we were particularly impressed by the audition that you prepared for us. </em>
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  <em>After reviewing your performance we would like to congratulate you on acquiring a place at Julliard for the upcoming year! We wish you all the best until then and look forward to seeing you again. The conditions for your acceptance are listed on the second letter in this pack, please expect an enrolment email in the coming weeks. </em>
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  <em>Yours sincerely, </em>
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  <em>Lee Ciopa – Dean of Admissions. </em>
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<p>It was hard to process, he wasn’t even sure what the letter said, he couldn’t focus on the words that seemed to be a blur on the page in front of him. Over the past weeks he’d practically convinced himself that he wouldn’t get in, that something would have gone wrong that jeopardised his chances and now, well now he was reading otherwise, he was going to Julliard. He was actually going to Julliard. He reached up, wiping a tear that had started to roll down his cheek, his breathing becoming more erratic as he lost the battle of remaining composed at the news. He didn’t even hear the door open.</p>
<p>“Oh my god Alec, I’m so sorry-”</p>
<p>Alec shook his head at the sound of Izzy’s voice, looking up at his sister, “I’m in,” he said standing up, “I’m going to Julliard!”</p>
<p>Izzy froze for a second, “You’re going to Julliard?”</p>
<p>“I’m going to Julliard.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god! You’re going to Julliard!” she exclaimed, wrapping her arms as tightly as she could around her brother, “We need to find Jace, and Magnus. Alec! This is incredible! I can’t believe it, I mean I can, but I also can’t, I just,” she hugged him again, “I’m so freaking proud of you!”</p>
<p>Alec grinned, “I’m proud of me too,” he admitted.</p>
<p>“So you should be!”</p>
<p>Alec paused for a second, thinking back to how he’d left the conversation with Magnus, how he had caused Magnus to walk out on him because he had been so miserable about everything. He hated that things weren’t perfect between them; he hated the fact that he would feel as though he was ignoring everything that had gone on if he just ran up and told him about Julliard. It made everything a whole lot more complicated than it needed, he’d just got into Julliard, yet know he was worried about his boyfriend. His boyfriend that was usually so patient and that he had driven to the edge.</p>
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<p>The bench felt cold even through Magnus’ jeans as he sat down on it, counting the missed calls that he’d had throughout the day, ten in total, that was more calls from his father than he’d had since he’d come to Alicante when he was eleven. Something was wrong, or Magnus was in trouble, he wasn’t sure what had happened to require so many phone calls, but he didn’t like how it made him feel. His father never called and, he definitely didn’t call on a day like today.</p>
<p>The phone rang again.</p>
<p>Magnus breathed out slowly, watching the warmth of his breath contrast with the cold air, then pressed the green button, bringing the phone to his ear. “Hi Dad,” he said calmly.</p>
<p>There was silence on the other line followed by the familiar breath that felt icy despite them being miles away from each other. “So, you finally decided to answer my calls.”</p>
<p>“I was in class,” Magnus said, his tone unwavering because he knew better than to show any sign of weakness to his father.</p>
<p>“You could have answered sooner, you could have found the time!” the intonation at the end of the sentence made Magnus jump, he hated that voice, that cruelty, “On today of all days! You didn’t answer the phone to your father! Your only living family member!”</p>
<p>The hand that wasn’t holding his phone shook slightly as the words were like fireballs in his ears, “I’m sorry,” he said, praying that his nerves were going to hold out, “Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>There was more of the familiar heavy breathing down the line. “You told your teacher, your doctor’s that I didn’t pick up your prescriptions. You’ll have the social on me again boy, are you really that bitter?!”</p>
<p>“I…” Magnus swallowed. He had two options, confront his father, or force himself to say what he wanted to hear. He knew which one to choose. “I wanted to take the burden off you, to be able to pick up my own prescriptions, I didn’t think-”</p>
<p>“-YOU NEVER DO!”</p>
<p>Magnus held the phone further away from his ear, “Dad,” he said softly, “I know today is hard but-”</p>
<p>“Of course it’s bloody hard Magnus! Your mother died, that will never get easier, and it will always be your fault!”</p>
<p>The phone hung up. Magnus let his body sink into the bench. It wasn’t like his father to call him on any day, never mind the anniversary of his mother’s death, yes, he knew his father blamed him for everything that had happened, he still found himself blaming himself too, but having it reiterated, it didn’t make things easy. It did ease the pressure though, the tension he had about all the missed calls and the unknown of what was happening. It did also make him feel guilty though, he’d taken his feelings out on Alec when Alec needed him the most, that was never okay, and he needed to fix it. It was an added worry on a day where he fought his best to act like his usual self, but he needed to push through, he had to, and he had to make things right.</p>
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<p>The walk to the dining room wasn’t exactly a long one, five minutes tops but for Alec it felt like it was taking for ever, he felt detached from the rest of the world, like everything around him was continuing at its usual pace, unaware of the massive shift in how his life was going to plan out. Everything was moving around him, and he felt as though he as somewhere else entirely. Alec pushed open the door to the dining hall, scanning the room to look for Magnus spotting him sat at the back, sandwiched between Catarina and Simon. He caught eye contact with him, his throat going dry as he remembered their altercation from half an hour ago, Magnus probably wanted space, but Alec couldn’t give him that, not with news as big as this.</p>
<p>Magnus ran a hand through his hair as he watched Alec approach the table that he was sat on, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to sort things out between the two of them, in the grand scheme of things their argument would probably be trivial, one that would be outweighed by bigger ones in the years to come that they would also eventually overcome. Right now though, he was struggling to ignore his own grief, the words his father had said down the phone to him, he was surrounded by friends but still seemed to feel alone.</p>
<p>He looked up at his boyfriend, “Alexander-”</p>
<p>“-I know, you probably don’t want to talk to me right now, but I have to tell you something.”</p>
<p>“Wait, did you guys fall out?” Simon asked, a genuine look of surprise on his face.</p>
<p>“Simon, shush!” Izzy reprimanded, the excitement in her voice fairly obvious despite the slight tension that was settling around the table.</p>
<p>“What’s going on? This is all very dramatic,” Magnus questioned.</p>
<p>Alec unfolded the piece of paper, gesturing towards Jace for him to join them from across the hall, then handed the letter to Magnus, “Read this.”</p>
<p>Magnus started reading the letter, his stomach dropping as the news sunk in, no wonder Alec had come to tell him straight away, this was the best news ever and whilst it didn’t erase what had happened earlier on, it certainly gave them a temporary relief from it and the grief that was threatening to overtake.</p>
<p>“Alexander,” Magnus said, looking back up at his boyfriend, “I couldn’t be happier for you!” he said standing up and hugging him tight.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Jace asked, a raised eyebrow at Izzy.</p>
<p>“Alec got into Julliard,” she said, her face beaming with pride.</p>
<p>“Oh my god!” Jace exclaimed, rushing over to his brother, and giving him a hug, “You deserve this Alec, I’m so happy for you.”</p>
<p>“He’s not wrong,” Magnus said, “Now let me give my boyfriend another hug,” he continued, playfully pushing Jace out of the way and wrapping his arms around Alec’s waist, reaching up and giving him a kiss, “I’m so proud,” he said quietly, hoping that Alec genuinely knew that he was and that he should be proud of himself too.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Alec said, shifting positions so the two of them were stood at the head of the table, arms around each other’s waists.</p>
<p>“So, Magnus is probably going to graduate top of his class at Colombia and Alec’s probably going to end up on Broadway or something, they’re literally going to be a power couple,” Catarina stated.</p>
<p>“They’re going to be tough to live up to, that’s true,” Ragnor admitted, “I still might beat Magnus in some classes this year though.”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed at the comment, then turned so he was facing Alec, “We still need to talk,” he whispered.</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “I know, we should try and slip away.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alec said, smiling.</p>
<p>“So, we should go into town this weekend, celebrate, have a nice meal or something. Who’s in?” Izzy asked.</p>
<p>“I am!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, me too.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded his head in agreement as the rest of the table agreed to the trip, he wasn’t exactly that bothered about having a full-on celebration, but he’d rather know it was happening then be surprised by it and knowing Izzy she would only surprise him if he didn’t commit to going in the first place. It would be fun anyway, another opportunity for them all to let their hair down, most of them had received college acceptance letter now anyway, so they all deserved to celebrate that anyway.</p>
<p>Magnus looked at Alec once more, something had shifted in him, he seemed as though he was a totally different person than he had been during their ASL lesson, he seemed to be floating on air as he joked with his siblings and friends. Magnus couldn’t help but think that perhaps he’d underestimated the amount of stress that Alec had been feeling since he completed the audition, how much pressure he had put on himself. They were different in so many ways, Magnus was good at compartmentalising, if he had an interview for a college, he could do it then park it to one side until the results came through. It was clear Alec hadn’t been able to do that though, as Magnus finally felt that now, now that Alec was 100% sure he was going to Julliard he was finally in his most relaxed state. Yes, he’d enjoyed the hike, but he’d still been worried then, now Magnus could see that for Alec to actually enjoy himself to maximum capacity he needed to be completely void of any potential worries. Whilst it only made their falling out feel more painful on Magnus’ part, Magnus couldn’t help but be happy that Alec was happy too.  </p>
<p>“Come on,” Magnus said, taking hold of Alec’s hand, hoping that was okay, “Let’s go chat in the dorm.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Okay,” he said, letting Magnus lead him out of the dining hall, grateful for the fact that Magnus was holding his hand, something that had to be a good sign. He had a lot of apologising to do but it looked as though Magnus could be in a forgiving mood.</p>
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<p> The two of them sat down on Alec’s bed, their backs against the headboard and their shoulders touching ever so slightly, both of them debating who was going to speak first. Alec chewed on his lip nervously, a habit that he knew he needed to stop but still found himself falling into whenever he was unsure about anything. He glanced over at Magnus who was staring somewhat blankly at the wall in front of them.</p>
<p>Alec cleared his throat, “Magnus,” he started, getting his attention, “I’m so sorry, I was out of line, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.”</p>
<p>Magnus shook his head, “No,” he said firmly, “This is on me Alexander. Today is a rough day for me, my dad’s been calling and calling, I’ve been so stressed. I took it out on you and that was wrong.”</p>
<p>Alec moved closer to Magnus, not that there was much space to, “I didn’t exactly help the situation. You’re right, I was unintentionally yet deliberately putting myself in a bad mood.”</p>
<p>Magnus gave a bemused smile at the boy next to him, “There’s a lot to unpack in that saying. It’s okay though, you don’t need to apologise, this isn’t going to be the first mistake that I make and, I know you’re perfect but who knows, maybe you’ll make one too one day.”</p>
<p>Alec laughed at the comment, his expression relaxing as he reached out, cupping Magnus’ jaw, “Do you want to talk about your Dad?” he asked, knowing that Magnus would only talk if Alec encouraged to him. There was always something reserved about Magnus when it came to family, reserved in the sense that they were pretty much an out of bounds topic, it was clear that something was different today though and Alec didn’t want to be the boyfriend that let something important slide. Especially if it had wound Magnus up enough to cause him to snap.</p>
<p>Magnus sighed, picking up Alec’s hand and tracing patterns on it nonchalantly, “My mother died fifteen years ago today, my dad was calling to yell at me about it… amongst other things.”</p>
<p>“Magnus, I didn’t know. You could have told me, I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this all day on your own and with me being in a bad mood, god I’m so sorry-”</p>
<p>“-Alexander, it’s fine. You’ve been a distraction for the most part, especially with that sexy ass dancing,” he rolled his eyes at the warning look that Alec was giving him, “Seriously, it’s nothing to worry about. I don’t like to treat this day as a big thing, I prefer to just treat it like a normal day and leave my father to grieve on this day alone. I usually commemorate on her birthday and Christmas, today, I just, with my dad calling, it just got the better of me. That doesn’t deserve you getting the brunt of it though and I can only apologise.”</p>
<p>Alec smiled at Magnus, leaning in for a kiss, “I think I can probably forgive you.”</p>
<p>Magnus glared at Alec, “Probably?”</p>
<p>“Hmm, yeah, probably,” Alec let Magnus kiss him again, “Ah yes, you’re forgiven.”</p>
<p>“You’re such a dork,” Magnus jested.  </p>
<p>Alec sobered himself once the two of them had stopped laughing, “I know that there’s a lot I need to work on too Magnus, and I will definitely make mistakes, but I am trying to be more open with people. I’ll keep on trying too, there’s just been so much going on what with Julliard and my parents and all that, it’s hard, but I’m doing my best.”</p>
<p>Magnus wrapped his leg over Alec’s so that he was effectively straddling him, “I know you are,” he said, dipping towards Alec, “Which is why I’m falling in love with you,” he finished, kissing him tenderly, less aggressive than usual, making sure that Alec knew that his message was true.</p>
<p>Alec licked his lips awkwardly, his cheeks a shade of red that he didn’t want to acknowledge although he could already tell that Magnus was trying not to laugh at him. “I’m falling in love with you too Magnus Bane, just so you know.”</p>
<p>“Thanks for the update,” Magnus said with another kiss.</p>
<p>“So, we’re all good now? You’re feeling okay?”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed, “I just told you I’m falling in love with you, yes, of course we’re good!”</p>
<p>“Excellent,” Alec said.</p>
<p>He pushed Magnus off him, rolling over so that he was now on top of Magnus, allowing him to take charge. It was nearly 7:30 which meant that Mr Garraway would be doing his evening checks of the dorm in any minute but that meant that they did have a couple of minutes to continue making out. Both of them grateful that their dorm was pretty much always empty unless they had to be in there. It made secret make out sessions a lot easier than they should be, turns out both of them being guys definitely had its advantages.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>Firstly, I just wanted to apologise if I offended anyone in the previous chapter, it was unintentional and I have changed aspects of it now to hopefully make the chapter better. This chapter should have hopefully cleared up Magnus' actions as well. </p>
<p>Thanks for reading, </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Eighteen </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s up Julliard!”</p>
<p>Alec grinned as he entered the dance studio, news had travelled quickly and he’d spent all day being congratulated about his success on being accepted into Julliard, now it was Aline’s turn. Their duo practices had been somewhat diminished recently, probably because of there being so many other things going on, but the Christmas Performance was to take place in two weeks which meant that the two of them now needed to make the most of their sessions together. They had already prepared and conquered a piece that was being incorporated into the mini play that the drama society were putting on, but they needed another solo on top of the group performances that they would both be in. The different societies that performed at the event often recruited dancers for certain elements which had led to both of them being used more than most students at the school. Alec enjoyed it though, it gave him a chance to show off a little and now that he was definitely in Julliard, he could do that with a little bit more ease.</p>
<p>“Congratulations Alec,” Jaxon said from the table on the other side of the studio where he was preparing a playlist.</p>
<p>“Thank you!”</p>
<p>Aline ran towards Alec, giving him a hug, “Whilst I’m jealous that you’ll have a new dance partner next year, I couldn’t be prouder of you. Honestly, you’re so talented I bet it was a super easy decision for them to admit you.”</p>
<p>Alec laughed, “Wow, it looks like someone’s turned into my biggest fan overnight.”</p>
<p>“Well, what can I say? If you could get another pirouette in our other solo though, that would be great.”</p>
<p>“Ouch,” Alec said, pretending to be offended, “Perhaps you’re not then.”</p>
<p>Aline knocked him with her shoulder, “You know I am really.”</p>
<p>“I need the two of you warming up. We’ve got a lot to get through this afternoon.”</p>
<p>Alec put down his bag and started with his warm up, not that he needed a big one as he’d already spent the whole of that Friday afternoon dancing, he did what he was told though, with Jaxon you often ended up being put through your paces so he needed to be prepared.</p>
<p>“Okay, so as you know, the dance programme for the performance is going to be showcasing different style of dance through the ages. You’ve got your modern ballet routine almost perfected for the finale but we need to get started on your middle performance, everything else will be filled in with other dancers or the group numbers you’ve already practiced.”</p>
<p>“What are we dancing to sir?”</p>
<p>Jaxon grinned, “You’re both going to love me for this.”</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Aline said, sensing some bad news coming.</p>
<p>“You’re going to be doing a jazz routine to Bang Bang by Will.I.Am.”</p>
<p>“Jazz?” Alec questioned.</p>
<p>“Yes, Jazz.”</p>
<p>“I hate Jazz,” Alec muttered to himself.</p>
<p>“I thought you hated tap,” Aline teased.</p>
<p>“Not as much as I hate Jazz.”</p>
<p>“Well, the both of you have the most stage presence to pull it off. It’s going to be a fun performance, upbeat, high energy and we’re going to try and fit a load of tricks in it too to spice things up a bit.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded his head slowly, “Sounds wonderful,” he said sarcastically.</p>
<p>Jaxon laughed, “I put the two of you in slow numbers all the time, this is a chance for you both to show off something else.”</p>
<p>Aline grinned, “I’m down,” she said, “It’ll be fun!”</p>
<p>Alec glared at Aline, “I mean, I’ll do it, I’m not sure about fun though.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be such a kill joy,” Aline taunted.</p>
<p>Alec smiled, “Me? A kill joy? No such thing!”</p>
<p>“Right both of you on your feet, I want you to improvise for a bit to the first play through, okay?”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Sure,” he said, “We’re deffo doing a load of ariel cartwheels right?” he said to Aline.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, definitely.”</p>
<p>The music started playing, the rhythm of it far more upbeat than what Alec was used to but also strangely causing him to feel more upbeat in himself. He often found himself getting caught up in aiming to be taken seriously as a dancer and for some irrational reason that had manifested itself in straying away from any routines that weren’t deeply emotional. He knew that different styles were just as respected amongst the dance community but that wasn’t enough for him to move away from what he knew best and what he imagined would show him in the best light. This jazz number though, was hitting differently to how he expected it to, it was fun, and whilst he felt like a completely different person letting loose in that way, he could definitely see the benefit of doing a few more upbeat numbers every now and then. Alec laughed as Aline spontaneously did back handsprings across the room, following suit on the offbeat to pull it all together, he did a lot of complex moves during his usual styles of dance but there was something freeing about doing tricks like the ones he used to do when he was younger. They looked great, he knew that what he liked about doing them though was how they brought him back to dance sessions from when he was younger, before Alicante, when he did classes that focused on tricks and flips. He was enjoying himself and had simultaneously surprised himself at how quickly his opinion on a jazz routine had changed. He knew he needed to be more open minded when it came to what he wanted to perform; this was the time to be just that.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus looked over Harry’s shoulder as the boy continued writing his paper for his English homework, a slight smile on his face as he read over what Harry had written. The boy had come a long way since the beginning of term, he’d missed quite a lot of school when he arrived at Alicante which was why Magnus had been recruited to tutor him as a way of getting him caught up with his peers. It was looking as though Harry wasn’t going to need his help much longer, he’d crept up to sitting somewhere in the middle of his year group now and that was only going to increase if he continued to put in the effort that he had been for the past few months.</p>
<p>“Wait, that should be a semi colon, shouldn’t it?” Harry asked.</p>
<p>Magnus read over the sentence, “No, you’re good with a comma. Don’t overthink, you know what you’re doing.”</p>
<p>Harry nodded and continued on with his work. Harry reminded Magnus so much of Alec, the level of diligence the boy had when it came to his academics and his dance was a mirror image of his boyfriend and both of them definitely had the traits to overwhelm themselves at times. Harry was making progress though, there had been times in the first few weeks of tutoring where the boy had completely freaked out whenever he struggled with a concept or piece of grammar, he was becoming more confident in himself now though and it was nice to see. With Alec, it was a bit more of a struggle, probably because he’d had longer to practice getting mad at himself over tiny, little things. The two of them worked well together though, they’d started studying in the library together, working in silence occasionally helping each other out and when Alec got too stressed Magnus would stop him, bring him back to a more neutral setting and they’d begin again. They’d settled into the perfect groove.</p>
<p>Magnus looked up at the clock, it was five pm, which meant there hour was up. “Okay, go get yourself changed. You’ve got dance in ten minutes, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Harry grinned at Magnus, “I think I’m going to ace this essay.”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed, “Oh, definitely. I have no doubts about that.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Magnus, see you next week.”</p>
<p>Magnus watched Harry as he left the library, trying not to laugh as he almost bumped into Alec who was now joining them for their own study session. Alec sat down next to him, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek then unpacking his bag.</p>
<p>“How’s Harry doing?” he asked, rummaging around in his bag for a different book.</p>
<p>“I think he’s okay. He’s not mentioned anything else happening since we talked to Mr Garraway.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s good.”</p>
<p>Magnus scrunched up his nose at Alec, “I’m guessing you haven’t showered since dance?”</p>
<p>“Well that’s rude,” Alec joked, “I didn’t want to miss any time with you. I’ll go before dinner and I wouldn’t smell so bad if it wasn’t for Jaxon’s new routine.”</p>
<p>“I’m teasing, you smell lovely, kind of, the smell of sweat turns me on a bit.”</p>
<p>“Weirdo,” Alec taunted.</p>
<p>“Anyway, what’s up with this new routine?”</p>
<p>Alec grinned, “It’s jazz.”</p>
<p>“And you’re smiling about it?” Magnus questioned, remembering a previous conversation they’d had which had ended with Alec going on a rant about how much he hated the speed of jazz and how unnecessarily intense it was.</p>
<p>“I am,” Alec said, nonchalantly flipping to the page he needed to be on, he looked up at Magnus who was understandably confused at Alec’s attitude, “It was surprisingly fun.”</p>
<p>“I like this flexible side of you Alexander,” Magnus said, “in both senses of the word.”</p>
<p>“I am <em>very</em> flexible, I can do splits in the air!” he said, whispering the last half of the sentence.</p>
<p>Magnus laughed, “I can’t wait to explore this flexibility some more.”</p>
<p>Magnus watched as Alec started on his Maths homework, he didn’t want to ruin the mood but he also wanted to talk to him about something, needed to talk to him about something. Izzy had asked him to casually drop it into conversation and if he was honest with himself, he knew that Alec needed to figure out what he wanted to do, but he was so happy right now, genuinely floating on air and it felt cruel to ruin that for him.</p>
<p>“You’re staring,” Alec said with a slight smirk.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Magnus finished, clearing his throat awkwardly.</p>
<p>“Everything okay?”</p>
<p>Magnus sighed dramatically, “I need to ask you something but I don’t want to ruin this fabulous mood that you’re in,” he admitted, “I feel like we need to embrace the joy of jazz or some shit.”</p>
<p>“The joy of jazz?” Alec questioned, “Magnus, go ahead before you explode. I promise nothing can disrupt this joy of jazz that you’re talking about.”</p>
<p>Magnus forced a smile, “Izzy was wondering, and I was too, what you’re planning on doing for the Christmas break.”</p>
<p>“Ah,” Alec said, fiddling with the clicker on his pen, “It’s still two weeks away, I hadn’t thought about it much.”</p>
<p>“Exactly, it’s two weeks away, school isn’t open over the break so you can’t stay here. I hate to be blunt but you need a plan.” Magnus looked down at Alec’s hand that was clicking his pen ever two seconds putting his own hand on top of his.</p>
<p>“I want to spend it with my siblings… but I don’t want to spend it with my parents, so basically I’m screwed.”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “I have a proposal, it’s a bit forward but it could work, if you wanted to?”</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“Well, my father’s away for the whole holiday, as usual. You could come stay in our apartment, keep me company, then, if you felt up to it, you could go to your parents for actual Christmas day… you could see your siblings whenever, we both live in the city so it would be easy enough. It’s probably a bit much though, we’ve not been together that long and moving in for two weeks could be a bit extreme.”</p>
<p>Alec reached up and put a finger over Magnus’ lips, “Shush,” he said calmly. “I think it’s a great idea and it stops me from having to make any big decisions straight away.”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “I’ll text my father this evening, not that he’ll care. Just out of courtesy.” He just had to hope that the anger he’d been victim to previously had worn off now that the anniversary had been and gone.</p>
<p>“You really are my knight in shining armour, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Magnus laughed at the comment, “I do try.”</p>
<p>Magnus leant in to give his boyfriend a kiss before they returned to their work once more. He hadn’t expected Alec to actually agree to his idea, he’d already mentioned it to Izzy and Jace, both of whom thought it was a great idea, but they would think that. It was the perfect way for them to see Alec and stop him from having to spend too much time with family. Magnus just hadn’t thought Alec would be ready for such a big move, he was though, his boyfriend always seemed to be full of surprises. </p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was later that evening when Magnus realised just how bold his move had been when it came to asking Alec to stay with him over Christmas. Not because they’d not been together long or because they were both barely adults but because he couldn’t be sure that his father wouldn’t screw things up for him. He often came back for Christmas or Summer to a messy apartment and if that wasn’t enough his father was pretty spontaneous when it came to his presence in his son’s life. 90% of the time he just wasn’t there but the 10% of the time that he was he wasn’t exactly the nicest of people. If he decided to come back for a night or two it was unpredictable as to how he would react. Magnus glanced down at his shoulder where Alec’s head was resting then looked over at Simon, who, as usual, had fallen asleep as they watched below deck. Magnus gently lifted Alec’s head, not wanting to startle him when he wasn’t wearing his hearing aids.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Alec said, figuring he’d given Magnus a dead arm.</p>
<p>“No, you’re good. I’m just going to get something from the kitchen.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Okay,” he said with a smile, “Do you fancy bringing me something back?”</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Magnus stood up and headed out of the room, hoping he would be able to find either Ragnor or Catarina in at least one of the communal spaces in the boarding house. He usually wasn’t one to actively seek advice, especially when it was going to involve admitting just how messed up his homelife was, but right now he needed it. He knew he wouldn’t take back the invitation, he’d never screw Alec over like that, but he did need a solution on how to approach the subject of his father’s erratic behaviour at times.</p>
<p>“Ragnor!” Magnus said, catching his friend before he headed up to bed, “I need your help.”</p>
<p>Ragnor raised an eyebrow at Magnus, “The mythical Magnus Bane needs help with something? I never thought I’d see the day.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be so dramatic,” Magnus said, “Come to the kitchen.”</p>
<p>“Now Magnus, you know I’m not much of a chef.”</p>
<p>“I know, I told Alec I’d bring him a snack, that’s all.”</p>
<p>“And you need me?”</p>
<p>“No, I erm, I need to ask you something.”</p>
<p>Ragnor sighed, “Magnus you aren’t making any sense, please spit it out.”</p>
<p>“I invited Alec to stay with me over Christmas, the thing is, my father, he’s not the most amiable person… he also usually keeps the apartment pretty messy and usually doesn’t even announce when he’s going to be in or not and-”</p>
<p>“-Magnus, you’re being ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” Magnus said, taking the piece of toast that he’d prepared from the toaster and getting the butter out of the fridge.</p>
<p>“Tell me, why is Alec staying with you?”</p>
<p>Magnus started spreading the butter, “He doesn’t want to spend the whole time with his family, you know that.”</p>
<p>“So, you’re protecting him, right?”</p>
<p>Magnus shrugged, “I guess so.”</p>
<p>“Magnus, Alec isn’t going to care about the cleanliness of your apartment and if your father were to be unamiable, he’d only want to make things better.”</p>
<p>“Or he’d not want to spend time with someone who has as messed up a family situation as mine.”</p>
<p>Ragnor chuckled at the comment, “I don’t think Alec Lightwood is in a position to judge someone based on their family, I also don’t think he has the capacity to Magnus, I’ve seen the way he looks at you, he’d do anything to make you happy.”</p>
<p>“I know he would.”</p>
<p>“Then stop worrying about it. Just see what happens, it’s not like Alec is completely unaware of your home life. You both care about each other so much, there’s no need for you to stress, you’ve got a good one in him.”</p>
<p>Magnus breathed out slowly, “You’re probably right.”</p>
<p>“I am right. You knew all this as well, you just needed to hear it from your wisest bestest friend.”</p>
<p>Magnus grinned, “Don’t let Catarina hear you say that.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to head to bed now. See you tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Bye,” Magnus said, picking up the plate of toast and heading back up to the dorm.</p>
<p>Having friends that would very quickly knock sense into you was definitely a useful thing, he knew that he had been spiralling for no reason, probably because he had is own set of issues to deal with regarding being home for two weeks and sometimes he needed someone to just tell him that he was being stupid or overdramatic. Ragnor was right, Alec wouldn’t care about the state of his apartment of if his father came back for a night because the only thing that Alec really cared about was him. Which was partly why Magnus knew he was going to have to talk to him about his father at some point before they got home, just in case he did show up and say something that most people, strangers to their dynamic would be shocked by. He pushed open the door to the dorm, handing Alec the plate of toast.</p>
<p>“Did you not want anything?”</p>
<p>Magnus shook his head, “I ate in the kitchen.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Alec said, patting the space on the floor next to him, “I think Captain Lee is going to go off it with that new guy.”</p>
<p>Magnus put his head on Alec’s shoulder, snuggling into him, his body heat providing him with comfort as he sunk into his happy place. The two of them (and Simon), watching trashy tv, without any cares in the world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone! </p>
<p>Thanks so much for reading! Just a quick update regarding my posting schedule - I may have to start posting less regularly than every other day, I'm struggling to get in the right head space to write and am running out of inspiration for this fic which is not an ideal combo! I'll still be posting whenever I manage to get a chapter out but it may only be twice a week from now on, regardless, I don't want to leave this fic unfinished (I was originally aiming for around 25 chapters) so I will make sure that it has a nice wrapped up ending. <br/>As always I love and appreciate your support, thanks! </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Chapter Nineteen </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The two-hour bus ride back to New York City was one filled with anxiety for Magnus an anxiety that he didn’t particularly want to have to deal with or address because that meant admitting to his boyfriend that his life was way more fucked up than he had let on. He knew that Alec wouldn’t be upset by it or put off for that matter, but it still felt like a big step to admit that his father was potentially one of the least kind people that he had ever met. On top of that, he didn’t even know if Alec would end up meeting his father, Magnus had received a quick ‘K’ in response to his text asking him if Alec could stay for Christmas and that was it. Magnus had no idea if his father would be back for the holiday or off in a different city or country, which only made the anxiety seem even more unnecessary when it could be completely unwarranted.</p>
<p>“Magnus,” Alec whispered, running his hand through his boyfriend’s hair as he lay with his head on his shoulder, “Are you okay? You’ve barely spoke a word this whole ride.”</p>
<p>He lifted his head up so he was looking Alec in the eyes, “I’m fine Alexander, just tired is all. It’s been a long term.”</p>
<p>“You’re feeling okay?”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “Just tired.”</p>
<p>“We’re about to drive through the city anyway, we’re probably only fifteen minutes away from Port Authority now.”</p>
<p>Magnus smiled, he could tell that Alec was trying his best to appear calm in himself, probably just as anxious as he was with making the decision to not stay with his family. They were both looking out for each other right now. Magnus lay his head back down on Alec’s shoulder, closing his eyes as they moved their way through the concrete jungle that was New York, not interested in staring out the window like everyone else was as for him, New York had never reminded him as a place of comfort or of home. Instead, it had always felt like more of a prison.</p>
<p>“What’s up?” Alec asked as Izzy navigated her way from the front of the bus to the back of the bus where her brother and Magnus were sitting, trying her best not to barge into any of the other students that were taking the school’s bus back to the city.</p>
<p>“Dad just text,” Izzy said, letting the movement of the bus throw her into a spare seat next to Alec. “He wants to talk to you.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m not too keen on the idea of talking to him. He text you this?”</p>
<p>Izzy nodded, “He’s picking us up from the bus station, apparently in the hopes of catching you before you head to Magnus.”</p>
<p>“So he’s ambushing me?”</p>
<p>Izzy breathed out slowly, she didn’t exactly feel comfortable defending her father in front of Alec, whilst he hadn’t been as vocal as their mother had, that was part of the problem, he hadn’t even attempted to lessen the emotional burden that was on Alec, he’d just let it happen. She knew that was why Alec wasn’t keen to talk to him, she understood why as well, but her father seemed to be being more accepting than their mother was. Like he wanted to make amends, and she didn’t want to deny Alec that opportunity either.</p>
<p>Izzy sighed, “I think he wants things to get better, I’m getting the impression he might even apologise but don’t hold me to that.”</p>
<p>“You want me to talk to him, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Izzy shrugged, “What harm could it do?”</p>
<p>Magnus sat up, wanting to make sure that Alec wasn’t secretly spiralling at the thought of talking to his father, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Alexander,” he reminded, squeezing Alec’s leg.</p>
<p>Izzy smiled at Alec, “He’s right, there’s no pressure. I just thought I should let you know.”</p>
<p>“Thanks Iz.”</p>
<p>“Okay everyone!” Mr Garraway said from the front of the bus, “We’re pulling up now, get your bags from underneath the bus and make sure to check out with me before you leave… and have a good Christmas!”</p>
<p>The two of them headed off the bus, waiting for their turn to grab their bags from the hold. Alec reached in pulling out his own and then Magnus’, putting his on his back and taking hold of Magnus’.</p>
<p>“I can get it,” Magnus said.</p>
<p>“That’s okay.”</p>
<p>“So macho,” Magnus teased, noticing Alec’s gaze focused on Jace and Izzy who were busy greeting their father, “Hey,” he said, putting a hand on Alec’s shoulder, “Go say hi to him, I can tell you want to.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Can you watch the stuff?”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Alec took a breath in, steadying himself before heading over to where his family were standing, he was more nervous that he would like to admit, again, he had no idea what to expect and he hated that feeling, especially when it came to his own family. He cleared his throat, “Hey Dad,” he said, somewhat quietly. The bus station didn’t feel like the most deaf friendly place he could be in, with announcements every ten seconds as the bustle of people around him it was kind of his worst nightmare which wasn’t helped by the fact that he felt as though he needed to pretend that his hearing aids worked perfectly and fixed everything if he were going to talk to his Dad.</p>
<p>Robert smiled at him, “Hi Son,” he said, pulling him in for a hug.</p>
<p>Alec stiffened slightly at the contact, this was the last thing that he had been expecting, his father didn’t hug him before the whole situation, he certainly wasn’t expecting him to now.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry for how things have panned out. Your mother, it’s just taking her time to come to terms with,” Robert paused, “Your new accessories and lifestyle.”</p>
<p>Alec rubbed his head as if that would somehow make it easier for him to concentrate on what his father was saying, “Listen, I just wanted to come and say hi before we go to Magnus’.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you come for Christmas day, we’d like you there.”</p>
<p>Alec could feel himself sweating with panic, he was so used to the radio that without it everything felt ten times worse, he couldn’t remember things being this hard to follow without it but apparently, they were, and he was discovering that at exactly the wrong time. Izzy noticed the slightly panicked expression on her brother’s face, taking a breath and signing it the best that she could with minimal lessons and whilst being discreet so Alec could follow.</p>
<p>Alec nodded his thanks at his sister, “I don’t know, I’ll think about it.”</p>
<p>Robert nodded, “Okay then and congratulations on Julliard.”</p>
<p>“We’ll arrange to meet up some time,” Alec said to his siblings before leaving to go back to Magnus. “Come on, let’s get out of here, it’s too loud anyway,” he said, picking up the bags and walking with Magnus to the nearest free taxi.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The apartment building that Magnus lived in out of term time was more than Alec expected from the brief description that Magnus had described. From the outside the apartment complex looked similar to most apartment complexes in the city but it was the inside that really blew Alec away. They were on the second to top floor with floor to ceiling windows covering the far side of the living space, the rest of the walls an exposed brick, rustic counter tops and a plus sofa facing a massive tv. Magnus had mentioned which room was his fathers but hadn’t shown it to him, instead taking him into his room and clearing out a drawer for Alec to unpack into. Magnus’ room was as Alec would have expected, it had a classic Magnus flare to it, tapestries on the wall, deep burgundy bed sheets with matching velvet curtains and organised clutter bringing the room to life. It couldn’t have been more Magnus and Alec could tell that Magnus had put a lot of time and effort into designing the room over the years.</p>
<p>“This whole apartment is lovely Magnus,” Alec said, sitting down on Magnus’ bed.</p>
<p>Magnus shrugged, “It needs a good clean, honestly I wish my father would just hire a cleaner at least then we wouldn’t have had to come back to this kind of mess.”</p>
<p>“It’s not that bad, we can clean it together anyway. If your Dad’s been away it’s probably just dust from being unused.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I suppose so,” Magnus looked up at Alec, “Anyway, what was your dad talking about at the station?”</p>
<p>Alec sighed, “He said that I should come over for Christmas day, I’m just not sure though and I don’t want to leave you all alone.”</p>
<p>Magnus reached out and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder, “Alexander, whatever you decide, don’t worry about me. We could always have our own celebration the next day.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “I don’t know what I want to do yet anyway. Right now though, I’m thinking we should order some food… then get into bed?”</p>
<p>Magnus grinned, “That sounds like the perfect plan,” he said. His expression softened as he looked at his boyfriend who was staring back at him with a kind of dopey looking smile on his face, Magnus took a step towards him, throwing himself at Alec as he hugged him tightly for a second before relaxing into a gentler hug.</p>
<p>Alec almost buckled at the force of Magnus’ energy, relaxing at the same time that Magnus did. “What’s this for?” he asked, “Not that I’m complaining.”</p>
<p>“I’m just so glad you’re here,” Magnus responded into Alec’s t-shirt.</p>
<p>“Huh?” Alec questioned, his t-shirt not being the best sound transmitter in the world.</p>
<p>Magnus pulled away, cupping Alec’s jaw in his hand, “I’m happy you’re here, that’s all.”</p>
<p>Alec smiled back at him, “I’m happy I’m here too. I am hungry though, pizza?”</p>
<p>“Pizza sounds good. I’m just going to sort out my insulin and things, do you mind placing the order?”</p>
<p>“On it,” Alec said, watching Magnus as he headed into the bathroom.</p>
<p>Alec scrolled through the food delivery app on his phone, looking for a restaurant that he knew made good pizza, eventually settling on one and making the order. A pepperoni to share and some cookies for after, they were mainly for him though as he knew Magnus tried to keep his sugar intake as low as possible in the evenings. Alec jumped as the sound of something smashing against bathroom tiles shocked him from his blissful thoughts about cookies.</p>
<p>“Magnus!” Alec yelled, getting no response, or not hearing one. He wasn’t sure which. “Are you okay?” he asked, peering his head around the bathroom door.</p>
<p>Alec bit down on his lip as he looked at the scene in front of him. A glass dish had been smashed and shattered all over the floor, Magnus’ hand was bleeding, his insulin kit from his travel pack on the side and an expression on his face that could only be described as anger or frustration.</p>
<p>“Okay, come here. Carefully,” Alec said, extending his hand to Magnus.</p>
<p>Magnus breathed out slowly, taking hold of Alec’s hand with his good one and letting him guide him over the broken glass, “Sorry, I, erm-”</p>
<p>Magnus was clearly flustered by the whole event which only made Alec want to protect him more. “Just, calm yourself down first,” Alec cautioned, leading Magnus into the kitchen and putting his hand under cold water. “Okay, you’ve like really cut yourself. I think it might need stiches.”</p>
<p>Magnus swallowed, “My blood sugar’s high. Also, I hate blood.”</p>
<p>Alec nodded, “Okay, okay,” he said slightly panicked himself now, “I’m going to wrap this tea towel around your hand and you’re going to hold it there tightly. I’ll go get your insulin.”</p>
<p>Magnus shook his head, “My father, he’s not picked up my prescription again. Mr Garraway said that he had, that he’d spoken to him… I was frustrated, dropped my last vile everywhere, then smashed that dish accidentally… Alec I’m gonna pass out.”</p>
<p>“No, you’re not.” Alec picked up Magnus’ phone checking his boyfriend’s levels, something that he had taught himself to do just in case they ever ended up in a situation like this one. “Listen to me Magnus, your blood sugar is only a tiny bit higher than it should be, that’s not going to make you pass out or anything. I think it’s the blood on your hand that’s making you light-headed. So, I’m going to get us an uber, we’re going to head to the emergency room, and they are going to clean up that hand and get you insulin. Okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, okay,” Magnus said, taking another deep breath as Alec ordered the car.</p>
<p>“Can you walk?” Magnus nodded in response. “Magnus, stop looking at it, you’re only going to make yourself feel worse.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Magnus looked up at Alec, “I’m sorry about all of this, I don’t usually get so frustrated but-”</p>
<p>“-This is the third time your father has let you down this way. You’re allowed to get frustrated Magnus,” Alec confirmed. “Come on, the car will be here in five.”</p>
<p>Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus’ waist, guiding him out of the apartment and into the lift. He’d seen Magnus with high blood sugar before of course so he could tell that right now that wasn’t a prime concern, they’d be able to fix that quickly. What he hadn’t seen though was this irrational slightly more erratic side of Magnus, a person that was usually so composed and level-headed about anything, losing that control entirely. It was understandable, of course, Alec would have broken a lot earlier if he had to deal with the things Magnus did, if he had to worry about his health being jeopardised because of someone else’s incompetence, it wasn’t fair at all. It wasn’t what Alec wanted for him, he wanted to protect him as much as possible make sure he was safe, he wanted Magnus to rely on him and not have to worry about his father. He’d try and make that possible and right now the best way to protect him was by stopping him from passing out from the sight of his own blood.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Magnus lay down in bed, grateful for Alec’s warm arms wrapped around him, as if they were physically protecting him from spiralling again. He hadn’t wanted to get so wound up and panicked about the situation, but he’d found himself doing so anyway, the fear that he wouldn’t be able to get his prescription instantly consuming him despite his name being put on the list that would allow him to collect it. His brain had instantly jumped to the worst scenario possible and he hated that he let himself sit in that scenario for so long, if it weren’t for Alec, he wasn’t sure what he would have done, he’d gone into a panic rather than thinking of logical situation and that wasn’t something he could afford to do. He hadn’t even checked his blood sugar levels, he just assumed that they were high so that he could ruminate about ending up in hospital again. Alec had taken over for him, he was grateful for that, but he couldn’t let it happen again, he had to be in charge of his condition, he couldn’t let himself get wrapped up in his head at the smallest crisis. He needed to stay calm and he’d failed at it.</p>
<p>“Stop it Magnus,” Alec whispered in his ear.</p>
<p>Magnus rolled over to face Alec, “Stop what?”</p>
<p>“Blaming yourself. I can visibly see you getting more and more stressed out.”</p>
<p>“Can you blame me?”</p>
<p>Alec shook his head, “No. That doesn’t mean I’m going to let it happen though.”</p>
<p>Magnus sighed, “Of course you’re not.”</p>
<p>Alec moved his hand to behind Magnus’ head, pulling his boyfriend towards him and kissing him gently on the lips. “None of this is your fault. This is just one of those things that is incredibly annoying but also completely out of your control. Don’t beat yourself up.”</p>
<p>“You don’t understand Alexander, I shouldn’t have freaked out like that. I needed to stay calm to help myself and instead I just spiralled.”</p>
<p>“I’ll always be right by your side-”</p>
<p>“-You don’t know that.”</p>
<p>Alec haltered at the comment, “Magnus, I’m a call away, always. And generally we are right by each other’s side. We’re kind of attached at the hip.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know all that. I should be able to deal with all of this myself though.”</p>
<p>“No, you shouldn’t. Most people don’t Magnus. You’re used to dealing with it alone, I get that, but you have people to be there for you now. It’s not a bad thing that I helped you, it’s just a thing, okay?”</p>
<p>Magnus nodded, “Okay,” he said, “Can we stop talking about this now?”</p>
<p>“Definitely. What do you want to talk about instead?”</p>
<p>A mischievous look crossed Magnus’ face, “I don’t think talking is required,” he said, lifting Alec’s shirt up and running his hand across the base of Alec’s belly. “I still need to see just how flexible you are.”</p>
<p>“Oh, is that so?”</p>
<p>Magnus hummed in response, climbing over Alec so he was straddling him then moving in for a kiss. This was the perfect way to keep him distracted from all of his spiralling thoughts. He didn’t like getting wrapped up in himself, it was one of his least attractive traits and he tried to never let it show. Making out with his boyfriend was the perfect way to keep his worries shielded and to keep Alec from asking too many questions. Not that Alec would have pushed much further, they’d dealt with the issue, talked about it, comforted each other and that had led on to one of the best make out sessions that they had ever had together. They worked in tune with one another, knowing when and what to say which meant that Magnus felt more comfortable with Alec than he ever had with anyone else in the world.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hey everyone, </p>
<p>Thanks so much for reading! Hope you are all still enjoying this. I will probably wrap this story up in the next few chapters as I have lost inspiration with it and would rather end it in a good place where I have still enjoyed writing it rather than dragging it out. I initially aimed for this fic to be 20 chapters anyway but it just kept on growing with different ideas and things. It's probably looking at 22/23 chapters now. Thanks again, </p>
<p>Amy x</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! </p><p>Check me out, writing again! I've decided I just need to stick to a story and post it and this one seems to be the one to do that with. Hopefully you all enjoy it, let me know what you think!</p><p>Stay safe and thanks for reading, </p><p>Amy x</p></blockquote></div></div>
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